The Legends of Vin Diesel
When told there was a random fact site about him, Vin Diesel smiled, laughed a bit, then ascended into the sky, kinda like Jesus but better.
Jesus walked the desert for 40 days and 40 nights without food or water; Diesel did it in an hour.
Vin Diesel invented the internet with 2x4's and a pack of cigarettes he stole from Jesus.
Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.
Boobs on women? Vin Diesel's idea to God.
If God made a burrito so hot that even He could not eat it, Vin Diesel would eat it with Taco Bell fire sauce.
Vin Diesel scratches nails on a chalkboard to wake God up every morning.
Vin Diesel once tightrope walked all the way across the Grand Canyon. He used children as rope.
Vin Diesel is a true American Patriot. As such, he only eats foreign children.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Vin Diesel laughs in the face of danger, and he also laughs in the faces of the millions of starving families in India.
Vin Diesel is helping to fight immigration by replacing taco sauce with cyanide.
Vin Diesel once tied a rope to the moon so he could climb up there and prove to everyone in his gym class that they were a bunch of pussies.
Every star in the sky is in reality a dormant Vin Diesel clone. Should Vin Diesel ever be killed, one of these clones will descend to Earth to become the new Vin Diesel.
Upon learning that he was dyslexic, Vin Diesel reversed the axis of the Earth to make himself normal and give the rest of the world dyslexia.
Vin Diesel invented "Blue Steel". He also thinks Derek Zoolander is an unoriginal dickhead.
Vin Diesel once said Beetlejuice three times, ever since Michael Keaton has had no career.
Vin Diesel was once a member of the Justice League, but was kicked out after eating more hot dogs then Superman.
Stray dogs and cats are not "put to sleep". They are devoured whole by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel likes his coffee like he likes his women - Colombian and crushed into powder.
Vin Diesel says, "It's only domestic violence if you hit her at home."
Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth. According to him, it worked on Mother Theresa.
On a job application, when asked if he was bilingual, Vin Diesel wrote, "No. I only like girls."
Vin Diesel likes to wrestle with Clifford the Big Red Dog during his free time.
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, Vin Diesel hears it.
Vin Diesel was the conductor of the Underground Railroad.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Q: What came first? The chicken or the egg?
A: Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel created oxygen by squeezing water reall hard.
Vin Diesel was the acting Grim Reaper for 7 months in 1974. When asked why he did this, he responded simply, "Bros before Hoes".
Gravity only affects Vin Diesel for six hours out of every day.
Vin Diesel draws circles with more than a 360 degree rotation.
Vin Diesel once went skinny dipping in Scotland. The populous caught sight of his semi-erect penis, and thus the legend of the Loch Ness monster was born.
Vin Diesel once had Parkinsons disease but he shook it off
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
Jesus walked the desert for 40 days and 40 nights without food or water; Diesel did it in an hour.
Vin Diesel invented the internet with 2x4's and a pack of cigarettes he stole from Jesus.
Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.
Boobs on women? Vin Diesel's idea to God.
If God made a burrito so hot that even He could not eat it, Vin Diesel would eat it with Taco Bell fire sauce.
Vin Diesel scratches nails on a chalkboard to wake God up every morning.
Vin Diesel once tightrope walked all the way across the Grand Canyon. He used children as rope.
Vin Diesel is a true American Patriot. As such, he only eats foreign children.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Vin Diesel laughs in the face of danger, and he also laughs in the faces of the millions of starving families in India.
Vin Diesel is helping to fight immigration by replacing taco sauce with cyanide.
Vin Diesel once tied a rope to the moon so he could climb up there and prove to everyone in his gym class that they were a bunch of pussies.
Every star in the sky is in reality a dormant Vin Diesel clone. Should Vin Diesel ever be killed, one of these clones will descend to Earth to become the new Vin Diesel.
Upon learning that he was dyslexic, Vin Diesel reversed the axis of the Earth to make himself normal and give the rest of the world dyslexia.
Vin Diesel invented "Blue Steel". He also thinks Derek Zoolander is an unoriginal dickhead.
Vin Diesel once said Beetlejuice three times, ever since Michael Keaton has had no career.
Vin Diesel was once a member of the Justice League, but was kicked out after eating more hot dogs then Superman.
Stray dogs and cats are not "put to sleep". They are devoured whole by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel likes his coffee like he likes his women - Colombian and crushed into powder.
Vin Diesel says, "It's only domestic violence if you hit her at home."
Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth. According to him, it worked on Mother Theresa.
On a job application, when asked if he was bilingual, Vin Diesel wrote, "No. I only like girls."
Vin Diesel likes to wrestle with Clifford the Big Red Dog during his free time.
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, Vin Diesel hears it.
Vin Diesel was the conductor of the Underground Railroad.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Q: What came first? The chicken or the egg?
A: Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel created oxygen by squeezing water reall hard.
Vin Diesel was the acting Grim Reaper for 7 months in 1974. When asked why he did this, he responded simply, "Bros before Hoes".
Gravity only affects Vin Diesel for six hours out of every day.
Vin Diesel draws circles with more than a 360 degree rotation.
Vin Diesel once went skinny dipping in Scotland. The populous caught sight of his semi-erect penis, and thus the legend of the Loch Ness monster was born.
Vin Diesel once had Parkinsons disease but he shook it off
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.