Sailor Moon Fic: all those mountain turns
Um. I'm going go have ice cream. And a beer. I know.
all those mountain turns
at the end of it all, it will be as simple as this: this story finishes with both him and her. you should know.
sailor moon | usagi/mamoru | post-stars; general spoilers | 2,726 words, PG.
-
The ring is bright in the dark.
She sits at the window, wearing his shirt. Her legs curve to the side as she leans closer to the corner, her gaze studying the city.
The battle still replay itself in her head. Sometimes she remembers it in pieces; that sense of loss and panic, the others as they so willingly throw their lives in front of hers, even when they know it will all come down to her. It is the first time that she feels like she finally understand her mother and that small, ever-present sense of loneliness that she cannot forget in her eyes.
But it's over, she thinks. For now, it's over. She looks back at her ring.
"Come to bed."
Her mouth curls. "Not yet," she says. "I wanted to get some water."
"You missed the kitchen," he says dryly, and when she turns, Mamoru walks to where she sits, reaching forward. His fingers touch her cheek. "Are you all right?" he asks too.
"Fine, Mamo-chan," she murmurs.
His fingers move to her hair, threading through the loose strands. He moves to sit at her feet, leaning forward to kiss her knee.
"You're a terrible liar," he tells her.
She laughs and shakes her head. She moves her hand to his hair too, letting her fingers brush through the strands as he leans against her legs. She turns her gaze to the side, resting her head back into the corner.
They haven't talked about America. They both know this. It's her fault just as much as his; it's been battle after battle and sometimes, most times, the two of them are far from alone. It's as if the others are watching and waiting, hoping too that things will fall into place and things will be fine.
But it's deeper than that, for her and Mamoru. The ring on her finger, it's place and how it's almost been sitting there, waiting for the two of them to catch up. She lets her fingers twist it too, feeling the band as it rolls over her skin. When she looks back to him, Mamoru is watching, gaze heavy and worried.
She softens. "Stop it," she warns.
"I would do it tomorrow, you know. If that's what you want - make a few calls … I have no problems with the expenses."
"Don't be silly, Mamo-chan." She leans forward. Her lips brush against his. "Besides, my mother will kill you and my father would happily help. I like you alive and well, okay?"
He chuckles. "I'm just saying, Usako. If you want it."
He kisses her too, biting lightly at her lip. It makes her laugh and she threads her fingers through his hair, stealing another kiss. But he eases back, pulling her with him; her legs uncurl and she slides into his lap, her skirt starting to push up against her thighs. Her hair falls around them too and she lets her fingers drift against his chest, just before she leans in and kisses his shoulder.
"I'm not sad," she reassures him.
"But I left," he says. "I left and I missed so much and I know the girls - well, they're the girls - they're mad." His eyes darken and then he's serious. "And then - Had I known -"
"You're being silly."
He shakes his head. "I don't ever want you to think you have to do it alone. You won't do it alone. I won't let you."
She's quiet. She draws back a little, her hands smoothing over his chest. His skin is warm, flushed even, and she looks down, watching his hands as they start to slide up her legs and thighs.
"You had to go," she murmurs. She would never allow him to give up his dream. She would never allow the girls to do it either. It bothers her, sometimes, this idea that they have to sacrifice everything for her when all she wants is for them to live her life. That's why she made sure he went; it was important to him.
She meets his gaze again, serious. "It made you happy," she says. "And I would never ask you to sacrifice your own happiness for me - you know that best of all. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if -"
His hand is back in her hair. He leans forward, his mouth brushing over hers. He sighs against her lips.
"It was important you."
He shakes his head. "You're important to me."
Usagi groans, dropping her head against his shoulder. Her hands smack against his chest and he laughs.
"You're being mean," she says.
She doesn't have to look up to know that he's smiling and it's his hand, threading through her hair again that offers an unspoken reassurance. She relaxes against him and closes her eyes.
They still have to talk about, she thinks.
When he starts the hot chocolate, she finally looks at the clock. It flashes in red, scrawled into the microwave as it blinks two am over and over again. She sits on the counter, her legs dangling as Mamoru stands opposite of her at the stove, warming the milk.
Usagi presses her hands over her knees. Her fingers tug lightly at the shirt tails and then she lets a light smile press into her mouth.
"I'm happy you went," she says.
"Usagi -"
She holds her hand up. "Listen," she murmurs. "I am - I needed you to go. Not just because it is your dream, but because I would - it would break my heart if you were to resent me. Because I know you. Had I asked you to stay, like, really stay, you would have done it without any hesitation. I would never have been able to forgive myself, Mamo-chan. At all."
He says nothing. She worries that she might have said the wrong thing. When she looks up, he's settled the milk on the stove and turns to move to her. He steps between her legs, both of his hands framing each side of her hips, as he lets his forehead press back against hers.
Out of habit, she lets her hands rise. They cup his cheeks, her thumbs brushing against his jaw. He doesn't smile.
"And had something happened to you -"
Her lips purse. "Mamo-chan -"
"No," he interrupts. His voice is low and heavy. "My turn, Usako." His hand cups the back her neck, his fingers sliding back into her hair. "I would have never been able to forgive myself. I know you. I know how you think. I know you keep it to yourself - your worries about the future, the crystal. I know you think you're protecting us. But I -"
"It's for the best," she interrupts too. Her brow furrows. Her mouth draws into a thin line. "I remember my mother. I remember - not completely - but I remember those lessons. I know that the crystal is mine, it's a part of me, and when Chibi-Usa is old enough, she'll have hers too. She'll have to learn too. But for now, it's my burden. Well, no. It goes beyond that. I know where my soul is meant to end up and the battles that I'll have to fight. It's how I can protect the girls. It's how I can protect you. I cannot have all of you - I don't want to watch you die. I can't that -"
His mouth twists. "Usako, and what do you think it's like for the girls? For me?"
"It comes down to me for a reason," she says.
There is a shift in how he holds himself. When he straightens, he's taller. He looms over her and manages to press his mouth against her forehead. She feels the tied sigh. The guilt knots itself in her stomach and maybe, she thinks, maybe she should have just kept it to herself. But she cannot remember a time that she hasn't talked to him about anything, about her fears and their weight, about how to navigate through all of this. This is how they work best.
His thumb brushes against her lip. "I will always be here. I am not going anywhere. And I will always find you too - you know I keep my promises."
Her laughter slips. It brushes against the tips of his fingers as she kisses them.
He's still serious though.
"I know you can carry this alone. I know you're strong enough too." His fingers stroke her cheek. "But I'm here and I won't let you."
She swallows at his words.
The hot chocolate sits untouched on his coffee table. They sit on the floor, leaning against the couch. Her legs are in his lap.
"You should have said something," he scolds gently.
She shakes her head. "We both knew this."
"But Luna's memories are still selective," he says, rubbing his eyes. "Artemis too. I'm sure the girls remember bits and pieces - but from what I remember, your mother was very quiet about these things."
"With good reason," she adds.
Mamoru scoffs. Her lips curl and she shrugs too.
"She was alone, Mamo-chan. If I -" her fingers press against her forehead. "I understand it, I think. I know she told me as much as she thought it was right. But the more I use the crystal, the more things start to come together, I guess. I know that it exists because it is me. I think - That's the best way I can put it."
"We know that," he agrees. He leans against her, his mouth brushing against the side of her forehead. "We all know that -"
"No," she says. Frustration creeps into her voice. She forces herself to keep calm and finds herself leaning back into him. Her fingers twist over her ring. "I know that I'll exist beyond this, beyond the crystal -" it's the closest she's come to talking about what's happened lately, her choice and the weight of Sailor Cosmos' mere presence. It's a lonely thought. "But," she forces herself. "I just worry. Not because everyone wants to have it, but because - well, what if I don't get the hang of it? What if I lose it? What if I just - I just don't do it right?"
He smiles.
Not may people get to see Mamoru smile. Often it's short and brief, or that small moment where he presses himself close to her in front everyone, to kiss her, to say something to her - it's always private. But this is real, this is the very smile that makes her skin flush, the corners of her mouth turn and when she ducks her head, he even laughs too, leaning forward to nuzzle her neck.
"You know what I'm going to say," he murmurs.
Her eyes burn. She chokes on a laugh, curling her fingers around his hand.
"I know," she says too.
His hand curls back over her hand though, his fingers tracing her ring. He brings her hand to his mouth too and kisses her knuckles.
For a moment, they sit there. It's as if everything's come to surface, her worries and his guilt, their collective unease with keeping things from each other. She wants to laugh at them, at how silly they're being, but there's something still so frightening about knowing their future together. It just makes everything else, in the path together, just as curious and uneasy.
But she has him. He has her, she thinks too. She gently pulls her hand from his and then lets one of her palms press against his cheek. She leans in and kisses him, kisses him deeply, opening her mouth against his so that she can breathe him in. His mouth is warm though and she can feel him smile again.
When she draws back, he wraps an arm around her legs in his lap. "I have an idea," he says.
The grip around her hand is tight. Her laughter spills out from the car. She trips into the sidewalk and he steadies her.
"The girls are going to kill you," she says.
He smirks. "You did say yes."
"Mina-chan is going to kill you first though," Usagi grins. He wraps an arm around her waist. "I don't know if I can hold her back."
"I'm more worried about Makoto," he shoots back.
They both grin at each other. She's still wearing his shirt, a pair of leggings too - she's left so much behind in his apartment, it was just easy to find. Her shoes scuff against the sidewalk and they stumble together up the stairs.
Her heart is racing. The joke is that Mamoru is always romantic, never spontaneous although she was never expecting the ring around her finger, at the airport before he left for America no less. But he's smiling and she's smiling, her fingers laced tightly in his. It's like a odd memory, one where they're caught in between all the faces of their personalities, from Serenity and Endymion, to who they are now and who they'll be later. It's going to be about them.
The priest meets them at the door. He smiles sleepily.
"You changed my life," Mamoru tells her.
The lights in the church are bare. There are no flowers around the pews. Behind the priest, the stained glass takes on a lazy glow. The priest has his bible open and leaning against a podium on the side, their marriage license is signed and dated, ready to be filled later in the morning.
"You changed my life," Mamoru says again. His mouth twitches. "Memories or not, the past or not, you came into my life and made me want to be better than I am. I don't know how I can even begin to thank you for that, but what I do know, Usako, is that I can love you for the rest of my life. I will honor, I will obey, I will protect you with everything that I have."
Her eyes burn. She breaks her hands away from his to lift them to press against his face. The priest laughs quietly next to them.
"I know who I am," she says. "I know who I want to be. I know that I cannot see my life without you. I don't want my life without you."
Her fingers brush against his lips.
"I will honor, I will obey, I will protect you with everything that I have," she tells him. Her gaze is serious. "That is a promise," she says.
The vows are simple. The priest fills the space between the words with what needs to be said, what will be said weeks later in front of their friends and their family. For now, this is about him and this about her, and at its most basic, it is what it should be. This is not a secret at all.
When the priest tells Mamoru that he can kiss her, he is smiling again. His hand cups the back of her neck and he draws her forward, into him. He kisses her and she swears, swears she loses all sense of self and will. Her mouth opens and she sighs, his tongue presses against hers, lapping away at the taste of her mouth. He may tell her later that she tasted sweet, or it'll be a private smile in front of the girls, where she just knows, knows what he's thinking and what she can remember.
This is important, after all.
At breakfast, Usagi has tied her hair back into two buns. They're haphazard and a little loose, a few stray curls framing her face. She is leaning into Mamoru's side as the girls sit and join them with their orders.
It is easy to assume that they are in their own little world. Mamoru's fingers keep drifting against the shirt, down and then relaxing over her belly. She tries not to laugh, but when he presses his mouth against her neck, she can't help but smile.
Minako narrows her eyes. "What did you two do?"
Laughter bubbles up in Usagi's throat. Mamoru drops his forehead against hers. Between them, the ring catches the light from the window. The diamond is bright and the gold band stands easily against her skin.
Neither of them says a word. Like many other things, they will have their secrets.
all those mountain turns
at the end of it all, it will be as simple as this: this story finishes with both him and her. you should know.
sailor moon | usagi/mamoru | post-stars; general spoilers | 2,726 words, PG.
-
The ring is bright in the dark.
She sits at the window, wearing his shirt. Her legs curve to the side as she leans closer to the corner, her gaze studying the city.
The battle still replay itself in her head. Sometimes she remembers it in pieces; that sense of loss and panic, the others as they so willingly throw their lives in front of hers, even when they know it will all come down to her. It is the first time that she feels like she finally understand her mother and that small, ever-present sense of loneliness that she cannot forget in her eyes.
But it's over, she thinks. For now, it's over. She looks back at her ring.
"Come to bed."
Her mouth curls. "Not yet," she says. "I wanted to get some water."
"You missed the kitchen," he says dryly, and when she turns, Mamoru walks to where she sits, reaching forward. His fingers touch her cheek. "Are you all right?" he asks too.
"Fine, Mamo-chan," she murmurs.
His fingers move to her hair, threading through the loose strands. He moves to sit at her feet, leaning forward to kiss her knee.
"You're a terrible liar," he tells her.
She laughs and shakes her head. She moves her hand to his hair too, letting her fingers brush through the strands as he leans against her legs. She turns her gaze to the side, resting her head back into the corner.
They haven't talked about America. They both know this. It's her fault just as much as his; it's been battle after battle and sometimes, most times, the two of them are far from alone. It's as if the others are watching and waiting, hoping too that things will fall into place and things will be fine.
But it's deeper than that, for her and Mamoru. The ring on her finger, it's place and how it's almost been sitting there, waiting for the two of them to catch up. She lets her fingers twist it too, feeling the band as it rolls over her skin. When she looks back to him, Mamoru is watching, gaze heavy and worried.
She softens. "Stop it," she warns.
"I would do it tomorrow, you know. If that's what you want - make a few calls … I have no problems with the expenses."
"Don't be silly, Mamo-chan." She leans forward. Her lips brush against his. "Besides, my mother will kill you and my father would happily help. I like you alive and well, okay?"
He chuckles. "I'm just saying, Usako. If you want it."
He kisses her too, biting lightly at her lip. It makes her laugh and she threads her fingers through his hair, stealing another kiss. But he eases back, pulling her with him; her legs uncurl and she slides into his lap, her skirt starting to push up against her thighs. Her hair falls around them too and she lets her fingers drift against his chest, just before she leans in and kisses his shoulder.
"I'm not sad," she reassures him.
"But I left," he says. "I left and I missed so much and I know the girls - well, they're the girls - they're mad." His eyes darken and then he's serious. "And then - Had I known -"
"You're being silly."
He shakes his head. "I don't ever want you to think you have to do it alone. You won't do it alone. I won't let you."
She's quiet. She draws back a little, her hands smoothing over his chest. His skin is warm, flushed even, and she looks down, watching his hands as they start to slide up her legs and thighs.
"You had to go," she murmurs. She would never allow him to give up his dream. She would never allow the girls to do it either. It bothers her, sometimes, this idea that they have to sacrifice everything for her when all she wants is for them to live her life. That's why she made sure he went; it was important to him.
She meets his gaze again, serious. "It made you happy," she says. "And I would never ask you to sacrifice your own happiness for me - you know that best of all. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if -"
His hand is back in her hair. He leans forward, his mouth brushing over hers. He sighs against her lips.
"It was important you."
He shakes his head. "You're important to me."
Usagi groans, dropping her head against his shoulder. Her hands smack against his chest and he laughs.
"You're being mean," she says.
She doesn't have to look up to know that he's smiling and it's his hand, threading through her hair again that offers an unspoken reassurance. She relaxes against him and closes her eyes.
They still have to talk about, she thinks.
When he starts the hot chocolate, she finally looks at the clock. It flashes in red, scrawled into the microwave as it blinks two am over and over again. She sits on the counter, her legs dangling as Mamoru stands opposite of her at the stove, warming the milk.
Usagi presses her hands over her knees. Her fingers tug lightly at the shirt tails and then she lets a light smile press into her mouth.
"I'm happy you went," she says.
"Usagi -"
She holds her hand up. "Listen," she murmurs. "I am - I needed you to go. Not just because it is your dream, but because I would - it would break my heart if you were to resent me. Because I know you. Had I asked you to stay, like, really stay, you would have done it without any hesitation. I would never have been able to forgive myself, Mamo-chan. At all."
He says nothing. She worries that she might have said the wrong thing. When she looks up, he's settled the milk on the stove and turns to move to her. He steps between her legs, both of his hands framing each side of her hips, as he lets his forehead press back against hers.
Out of habit, she lets her hands rise. They cup his cheeks, her thumbs brushing against his jaw. He doesn't smile.
"And had something happened to you -"
Her lips purse. "Mamo-chan -"
"No," he interrupts. His voice is low and heavy. "My turn, Usako." His hand cups the back her neck, his fingers sliding back into her hair. "I would have never been able to forgive myself. I know you. I know how you think. I know you keep it to yourself - your worries about the future, the crystal. I know you think you're protecting us. But I -"
"It's for the best," she interrupts too. Her brow furrows. Her mouth draws into a thin line. "I remember my mother. I remember - not completely - but I remember those lessons. I know that the crystal is mine, it's a part of me, and when Chibi-Usa is old enough, she'll have hers too. She'll have to learn too. But for now, it's my burden. Well, no. It goes beyond that. I know where my soul is meant to end up and the battles that I'll have to fight. It's how I can protect the girls. It's how I can protect you. I cannot have all of you - I don't want to watch you die. I can't that -"
His mouth twists. "Usako, and what do you think it's like for the girls? For me?"
"It comes down to me for a reason," she says.
There is a shift in how he holds himself. When he straightens, he's taller. He looms over her and manages to press his mouth against her forehead. She feels the tied sigh. The guilt knots itself in her stomach and maybe, she thinks, maybe she should have just kept it to herself. But she cannot remember a time that she hasn't talked to him about anything, about her fears and their weight, about how to navigate through all of this. This is how they work best.
His thumb brushes against her lip. "I will always be here. I am not going anywhere. And I will always find you too - you know I keep my promises."
Her laughter slips. It brushes against the tips of his fingers as she kisses them.
He's still serious though.
"I know you can carry this alone. I know you're strong enough too." His fingers stroke her cheek. "But I'm here and I won't let you."
She swallows at his words.
The hot chocolate sits untouched on his coffee table. They sit on the floor, leaning against the couch. Her legs are in his lap.
"You should have said something," he scolds gently.
She shakes her head. "We both knew this."
"But Luna's memories are still selective," he says, rubbing his eyes. "Artemis too. I'm sure the girls remember bits and pieces - but from what I remember, your mother was very quiet about these things."
"With good reason," she adds.
Mamoru scoffs. Her lips curl and she shrugs too.
"She was alone, Mamo-chan. If I -" her fingers press against her forehead. "I understand it, I think. I know she told me as much as she thought it was right. But the more I use the crystal, the more things start to come together, I guess. I know that it exists because it is me. I think - That's the best way I can put it."
"We know that," he agrees. He leans against her, his mouth brushing against the side of her forehead. "We all know that -"
"No," she says. Frustration creeps into her voice. She forces herself to keep calm and finds herself leaning back into him. Her fingers twist over her ring. "I know that I'll exist beyond this, beyond the crystal -" it's the closest she's come to talking about what's happened lately, her choice and the weight of Sailor Cosmos' mere presence. It's a lonely thought. "But," she forces herself. "I just worry. Not because everyone wants to have it, but because - well, what if I don't get the hang of it? What if I lose it? What if I just - I just don't do it right?"
He smiles.
Not may people get to see Mamoru smile. Often it's short and brief, or that small moment where he presses himself close to her in front everyone, to kiss her, to say something to her - it's always private. But this is real, this is the very smile that makes her skin flush, the corners of her mouth turn and when she ducks her head, he even laughs too, leaning forward to nuzzle her neck.
"You know what I'm going to say," he murmurs.
Her eyes burn. She chokes on a laugh, curling her fingers around his hand.
"I know," she says too.
His hand curls back over her hand though, his fingers tracing her ring. He brings her hand to his mouth too and kisses her knuckles.
For a moment, they sit there. It's as if everything's come to surface, her worries and his guilt, their collective unease with keeping things from each other. She wants to laugh at them, at how silly they're being, but there's something still so frightening about knowing their future together. It just makes everything else, in the path together, just as curious and uneasy.
But she has him. He has her, she thinks too. She gently pulls her hand from his and then lets one of her palms press against his cheek. She leans in and kisses him, kisses him deeply, opening her mouth against his so that she can breathe him in. His mouth is warm though and she can feel him smile again.
When she draws back, he wraps an arm around her legs in his lap. "I have an idea," he says.
The grip around her hand is tight. Her laughter spills out from the car. She trips into the sidewalk and he steadies her.
"The girls are going to kill you," she says.
He smirks. "You did say yes."
"Mina-chan is going to kill you first though," Usagi grins. He wraps an arm around her waist. "I don't know if I can hold her back."
"I'm more worried about Makoto," he shoots back.
They both grin at each other. She's still wearing his shirt, a pair of leggings too - she's left so much behind in his apartment, it was just easy to find. Her shoes scuff against the sidewalk and they stumble together up the stairs.
Her heart is racing. The joke is that Mamoru is always romantic, never spontaneous although she was never expecting the ring around her finger, at the airport before he left for America no less. But he's smiling and she's smiling, her fingers laced tightly in his. It's like a odd memory, one where they're caught in between all the faces of their personalities, from Serenity and Endymion, to who they are now and who they'll be later. It's going to be about them.
The priest meets them at the door. He smiles sleepily.
"You changed my life," Mamoru tells her.
The lights in the church are bare. There are no flowers around the pews. Behind the priest, the stained glass takes on a lazy glow. The priest has his bible open and leaning against a podium on the side, their marriage license is signed and dated, ready to be filled later in the morning.
"You changed my life," Mamoru says again. His mouth twitches. "Memories or not, the past or not, you came into my life and made me want to be better than I am. I don't know how I can even begin to thank you for that, but what I do know, Usako, is that I can love you for the rest of my life. I will honor, I will obey, I will protect you with everything that I have."
Her eyes burn. She breaks her hands away from his to lift them to press against his face. The priest laughs quietly next to them.
"I know who I am," she says. "I know who I want to be. I know that I cannot see my life without you. I don't want my life without you."
Her fingers brush against his lips.
"I will honor, I will obey, I will protect you with everything that I have," she tells him. Her gaze is serious. "That is a promise," she says.
The vows are simple. The priest fills the space between the words with what needs to be said, what will be said weeks later in front of their friends and their family. For now, this is about him and this about her, and at its most basic, it is what it should be. This is not a secret at all.
When the priest tells Mamoru that he can kiss her, he is smiling again. His hand cups the back of her neck and he draws her forward, into him. He kisses her and she swears, swears she loses all sense of self and will. Her mouth opens and she sighs, his tongue presses against hers, lapping away at the taste of her mouth. He may tell her later that she tasted sweet, or it'll be a private smile in front of the girls, where she just knows, knows what he's thinking and what she can remember.
This is important, after all.
At breakfast, Usagi has tied her hair back into two buns. They're haphazard and a little loose, a few stray curls framing her face. She is leaning into Mamoru's side as the girls sit and join them with their orders.
It is easy to assume that they are in their own little world. Mamoru's fingers keep drifting against the shirt, down and then relaxing over her belly. She tries not to laugh, but when he presses his mouth against her neck, she can't help but smile.
Minako narrows her eyes. "What did you two do?"
Laughter bubbles up in Usagi's throat. Mamoru drops his forehead against hers. Between them, the ring catches the light from the window. The diamond is bright and the gold band stands easily against her skin.
Neither of them says a word. Like many other things, they will have their secrets.