So thus ends another chapter in the story of life...
I don't know what to say. I really still am in denial at this point. I don't want to accept the fact that she just...simply gave up on me. There is still a part of me that wishes I could go back, have another chance and fix it. *sigh* I really hope she made the right choice for her, because I never wanted it to be this way. Argh. I'm obviously not in control anymore. *shakes fist at some invisible god* But there's still plenty of hell to overcome in my not too distant future. I hope I don't waste my summer with this nasty depression, I hope I really don't because that wouldn't be fair at all. BUT I don't know how long it takes to recover and I don't want to force myself. I want to take a natural route and heal properly. Thing is, I don't know what it's going to be like. I was never so serious with another person before. *sigh*
I guess it's appropriate that she initiated the relationship, and now she ended it, in some weird physics sense (what was it, if you started life in a hospital, and died in a hospital, then your life would be reset to zero? aaaaack). Huh... I'm just left with nothing now. Really, really nothing to look forward to. I mean, the summer is almost here... I guess I can look forward to that, but I really don't have any trips planned like I usually do so it's just a bummer. *sigh* I wish I could be my usual excited self. And...I do have things like family and friends that will always be around me, but just no romantic love. No love that once encircled everything in my life. *sigh* Life's tough shit sometimes...
I don't know where I'll be going from here though. I can't see past this day even, and that frightens me. I can't even look at Jade and Dist the same way again. ;;;;;; *winces at everyone's gasps* I can't really think about Abyss without feeling some strange emptiness. I hope it's not there for the rest of my life??? I do love Abyss generally because it's such a good game, but I mean I made it even better through friends and with my ex...
I dunno what to do with everything I have that reminds me of her, at the moment, they're all just in a box or something. Argh. It just hurts to look at it, to look at everything.
I generally, genuinely love to go to the gym and work out. I've always been like that for ages! But, with things are as of right now, my appetite has been kinda shot. I don't eat as much as I normally do, so if I exercise my usual amount...it's dangerous. For the first 7 days I lost like, 8, 9 pounds. Permanently. ;;;; That's not good at all. T_T I should just try to take it easy. Exercise is very good, especially to let off steam and pent up energy/frustration/whatever... and a good way to improve life (sleeping, natural energy) when you need it! I just...CAN'T DO IT RIGHT NOW, correctly. So thus: frustration on my part. D8
I guess I just need to take one step at a time. First off, I must try to fix myself up before I do anything else. WHILE TAKING MY FINALS. Yep.
One step at a time... one step at a time... T_T
Maybe I should find a new hobby.
EDIT
Two more things I'd like to quick get off my chest.
1) For the past couple of months, I've been hiding the fact that I have... multiple tumor-like lumps on my body (smaller than the one I have in my arm). I have yet to really do much about them. Half of me doesn't even want to recognize or acknowledge it, but they're there. Scary...
2) Thank you, - all of you - my lj friends, who have read lately and commented. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart with trying to help me cope, give advice to and get through this rough patch... ♥ ...
I guess it's appropriate that she initiated the relationship, and now she ended it, in some weird physics sense (what was it, if you started life in a hospital, and died in a hospital, then your life would be reset to zero? aaaaack). Huh... I'm just left with nothing now. Really, really nothing to look forward to. I mean, the summer is almost here... I guess I can look forward to that, but I really don't have any trips planned like I usually do so it's just a bummer. *sigh* I wish I could be my usual excited self. And...I do have things like family and friends that will always be around me, but just no romantic love. No love that once encircled everything in my life. *sigh* Life's tough shit sometimes...
I don't know where I'll be going from here though. I can't see past this day even, and that frightens me. I can't even look at Jade and Dist the same way again. ;;;;;; *winces at everyone's gasps* I can't really think about Abyss without feeling some strange emptiness. I hope it's not there for the rest of my life??? I do love Abyss generally because it's such a good game, but I mean I made it even better through friends and with my ex...
I dunno what to do with everything I have that reminds me of her, at the moment, they're all just in a box or something. Argh. It just hurts to look at it, to look at everything.
I generally, genuinely love to go to the gym and work out. I've always been like that for ages! But, with things are as of right now, my appetite has been kinda shot. I don't eat as much as I normally do, so if I exercise my usual amount...it's dangerous. For the first 7 days I lost like, 8, 9 pounds. Permanently. ;;;; That's not good at all. T_T I should just try to take it easy. Exercise is very good, especially to let off steam and pent up energy/frustration/whatever... and a good way to improve life (sleeping, natural energy) when you need it! I just...CAN'T DO IT RIGHT NOW, correctly. So thus: frustration on my part. D8
I guess I just need to take one step at a time. First off, I must try to fix myself up before I do anything else. WHILE TAKING MY FINALS. Yep.
One step at a time... one step at a time... T_T
Maybe I should find a new hobby.
EDIT
Two more things I'd like to quick get off my chest.
1) For the past couple of months, I've been hiding the fact that I have... multiple tumor-like lumps on my body (smaller than the one I have in my arm). I have yet to really do much about them. Half of me doesn't even want to recognize or acknowledge it, but they're there. Scary...
2) Thank you, - all of you - my lj friends, who have read lately and commented. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart with trying to help me cope, give advice to and get through this rough patch... ♥ ...