I will find you by the sea
Title: I will find you by the sea.
Author: fate_incomplete
Rating: M
Warnings: Angst
Spoilers: Vague series 7 references (Post The Angels Take Manhattan)
Characters/Pairings: Eleven/Jack
Word Count: 1,460
Summary: Jack has been falling apart at the seams for a long time, yet offers what he can to ease the Doctor's grief.
A/N: A companion piece to Keep Falling Till We Fly though it can be read on its own. Chronologically this happens before Falling.
......................
Jack woke bleary eyed. Consciousness slowly returning as nightmare fuelled sleep sank away. Cold watery light filtered through the window, the waking world looked no better than his nightmares, just duller.
He stared up at the ceiling, trying to block out the sounds of life drifting up from the street below.
It would never end.
He rolled over, a hand knocking against an empty whisky bottle, the clatter of it smashing as it hit the floor barely registering. It just blended with the jagged discord of whatever city this was. The dreary grey walls, the murmur of voices, the hum of engines, everything blended into a whitewash of sound and sight that filled his mind. Everything roared and screamed at him, even as he felt like he was drowning in silence.
He had to get out.
He staggered as his feet hit the floor, bracing himself against the wall with one hand as he clasped the other over an ear. Nothing would block it out, he needed to leave, get as far away from all of it as possible.
He ran...and didn't stop running til his body gave out a month later from exhaustion and living on little more than alcohol.
......................
They were gone. His Ponds. They had been there for so long, their absence felt like a gaping hole in the universe. A void left where they should be.
River didn't stay long.
He didn't blame her. Not really.
Amy's last words to him haunted him, but he didn't have the energy to do a she asked. He let the TARDIS drift, closed her doors, and hid in the darkness.
......................
Jack's head lifted at the noise. It had been so long, but it was unmistakable. It broke the steady rhythmic sounds of waves and the rustle of grass in a sea breeze, out of place in this spot he had chosen for its very silence, a back eddy in the rush of sounds from civilised life.
He waited, head tilted for an inevitable flow of words from a man he loved and hated, and whatever companions he had in tow. Yet nothing came.
Jack followed the path through the dune grasses his feet had made over the last few months. He could see the TARDIS; she somehow seemed a monument in blue dedicated to loneliness and solitude where she stood on the all but empty windswept beach. Or maybe he was just projecting. A few hundred yards further down the beach a figure sat, head bowed, arms loosely wrapped around knees.
It seemed strange, wrong, to see him alone. As Jack drew nearer he could all but feel sadness emanating from the Doctor. Jack was no stranger to that. It didn't take a genius to figure out he had lost someone. It was inevitable, really. They both lived too long.
Jack didn't say anything as he came to a stop next to the Doctor, just looked out over the waves. The Doctor didn't look up, seemed lost in a study of the grains of sand covering his bare feet. Jack eventually looked down as the silence drew on. Locks of dark hair fell across the Doctor's brow, his shoulders held in dejected apathy. Jack sat down beside him, close enough to feel the heat fill the space left between their shoulders, far enough for the Doctor to lean away if he wanted.
"Who?" Jack eventually asked.
The Doctor took a long time to answer. "The Ponds."
Jack didn't ask for details. They weren't really important. He knew who the Ponds were, what they meant to the Doctor, family he had found after having lost so much. That unending ache inside his own chest from a string of losses longer than he cared to remember pulsed in empathy.
He had spent the last few years struggling to crawl out of his own misery with varying success. Felt himself spiralling out of control with no idea how to stop when his continuing existence stretched out in front of him like a gaping chasm. He had come to this deserted beach on a nothing planet hoping the silence surrounding him would cushion the fall, slow the descent long enough for him to catch a breath.
It had mostly worked, though he could still feel the precipice just waiting to claim him again.
He leant ever so slightly into the Doctor, not sure what he was offering, not sure what was needed, wanted. What he even had left to give. Maybe it didn't matter, little did. He felt the Doctor tense, felt the line of his shoulders go rigid, felt the twitch of muscles as if they wanted to flinch away from any sort of comfort. Jack's heartbeat seemed to still a moment, a strange fight or flight instinct urging him to break apart the Doctor or run and never look back.
He didn't do either. Just waited.
The Doctor didn't look away from his feet, but Jack could feel his rib cage expand with a shuddering breath, and another, before he slumped against Jack. The simple press of their shoulders together like a safety net, a crutch, the massive beams holding together a complex and unstable structure.
They didn't move, didn't say a word till the soft kiss of the setting sun cascaded across the ocean before them, a shifting flow of golds and pinks on ever moving water. Jack looked across at the Doctor, the flop of hair shading his face, even as hints of light brushed his cheeks, and glowed in his eyes. Those eyes looked lost, impossibly old, even as Jack knew what that age felt like.
Jack lifted a hand, brushing finger tips across the soft skin of the Doctor's cheekbone where the light caressed it. The Doctor leant into the touch. Eyes not meeting Jack's, as if to do so would only shatter him more. Jack was glad he didn't, let his fingers explore silky skin, lost himself in the feel of it, delicate, so easy to bruise, to break open.
Jack shifted, dropping an arm to circle the Doctor's waist as he leant in. He brushed his lips across the skin his fingers had been tracing. A gentle, barley there touch as he ghosted kisses along the Doctor's cheek bone and down his jaw line. A soft sigh escaped the Doctor as Jack leant in more, pushing the Doctor down as the Doctor pulled Jack to himself. They lay back on the sand, the Doctor cradled in the circle of Jack's arms as he hovered half on top, his lips still meandering as they followed the curve of the Doctor's jaw, the hint of tendon in his neck, his tongue finally flicking out to explore the groove below the Doctor's ear as he tilted his head back.
A soft rush of breath slipped between the Doctor's parted lips, broken, stuttered, like he was caught between surprise and despair. Jack moved to claim the Doctor's mouth, catching the next desperate breath with a gentle kiss, a brush of lips that was almost chaste. Jack pulled back slightly, looking down at the Doctor whose eyes were still shut, dark lashes moist with tears that refused to fall, like delicate bars holding in all his pain and heartache.
Jack knew what that was like; hold everything in till the seams burst. It rarely ended well in Jack's experience, though maybe he was more prone to explosive self destructive outbursts than the Doctor. Or maybe not.
Jack kissed the Doctor's eyelids, one than the other, soft brush of lips over delicate, fragile skin. A hint of salt and sorrow lingering on Jack's lips, the taste of it between them when he kissed the Doctor again. This time deeper, tongue teasing, tempting the Doctor to open up, to let Jack in bit by bit. It was a heady rush, feeling the Doctor give way, give in.
Jack pulled back, letting fingers explore, caressing the Doctor's lips, jaw, feeling the beats of his hearts through the fabric of his shirt. Laying down a trail of comfort and understanding with each touch and finding something else too. He kissed the Doctor again, slow, unhurried. He felt the tension ease from the Doctor's muscles, and the sounds of the universe that Jack had been drowning in for months dimmed and faded into the background.
As the light faded and stars came out casting a soft glow, they lay back on the sand together. Neither spoke a word, finding solace in silence and gentle touches.
By morning the Doctor was gone.
Jack opened his eyes to an empty beach, and an ache inside. All the years he had lived, and all those still to come raging and screaming at him.
......................
Read Keep Falling Till We Fly
.
Author: fate_incomplete
Rating: M
Warnings: Angst
Spoilers: Vague series 7 references (Post The Angels Take Manhattan)
Characters/Pairings: Eleven/Jack
Word Count: 1,460
Summary: Jack has been falling apart at the seams for a long time, yet offers what he can to ease the Doctor's grief.
A/N: A companion piece to Keep Falling Till We Fly though it can be read on its own. Chronologically this happens before Falling.
......................
Jack woke bleary eyed. Consciousness slowly returning as nightmare fuelled sleep sank away. Cold watery light filtered through the window, the waking world looked no better than his nightmares, just duller.
He stared up at the ceiling, trying to block out the sounds of life drifting up from the street below.
It would never end.
He rolled over, a hand knocking against an empty whisky bottle, the clatter of it smashing as it hit the floor barely registering. It just blended with the jagged discord of whatever city this was. The dreary grey walls, the murmur of voices, the hum of engines, everything blended into a whitewash of sound and sight that filled his mind. Everything roared and screamed at him, even as he felt like he was drowning in silence.
He had to get out.
He staggered as his feet hit the floor, bracing himself against the wall with one hand as he clasped the other over an ear. Nothing would block it out, he needed to leave, get as far away from all of it as possible.
He ran...and didn't stop running til his body gave out a month later from exhaustion and living on little more than alcohol.
......................
They were gone. His Ponds. They had been there for so long, their absence felt like a gaping hole in the universe. A void left where they should be.
River didn't stay long.
He didn't blame her. Not really.
Amy's last words to him haunted him, but he didn't have the energy to do a she asked. He let the TARDIS drift, closed her doors, and hid in the darkness.
......................
Jack's head lifted at the noise. It had been so long, but it was unmistakable. It broke the steady rhythmic sounds of waves and the rustle of grass in a sea breeze, out of place in this spot he had chosen for its very silence, a back eddy in the rush of sounds from civilised life.
He waited, head tilted for an inevitable flow of words from a man he loved and hated, and whatever companions he had in tow. Yet nothing came.
Jack followed the path through the dune grasses his feet had made over the last few months. He could see the TARDIS; she somehow seemed a monument in blue dedicated to loneliness and solitude where she stood on the all but empty windswept beach. Or maybe he was just projecting. A few hundred yards further down the beach a figure sat, head bowed, arms loosely wrapped around knees.
It seemed strange, wrong, to see him alone. As Jack drew nearer he could all but feel sadness emanating from the Doctor. Jack was no stranger to that. It didn't take a genius to figure out he had lost someone. It was inevitable, really. They both lived too long.
Jack didn't say anything as he came to a stop next to the Doctor, just looked out over the waves. The Doctor didn't look up, seemed lost in a study of the grains of sand covering his bare feet. Jack eventually looked down as the silence drew on. Locks of dark hair fell across the Doctor's brow, his shoulders held in dejected apathy. Jack sat down beside him, close enough to feel the heat fill the space left between their shoulders, far enough for the Doctor to lean away if he wanted.
"Who?" Jack eventually asked.
The Doctor took a long time to answer. "The Ponds."
Jack didn't ask for details. They weren't really important. He knew who the Ponds were, what they meant to the Doctor, family he had found after having lost so much. That unending ache inside his own chest from a string of losses longer than he cared to remember pulsed in empathy.
He had spent the last few years struggling to crawl out of his own misery with varying success. Felt himself spiralling out of control with no idea how to stop when his continuing existence stretched out in front of him like a gaping chasm. He had come to this deserted beach on a nothing planet hoping the silence surrounding him would cushion the fall, slow the descent long enough for him to catch a breath.
It had mostly worked, though he could still feel the precipice just waiting to claim him again.
He leant ever so slightly into the Doctor, not sure what he was offering, not sure what was needed, wanted. What he even had left to give. Maybe it didn't matter, little did. He felt the Doctor tense, felt the line of his shoulders go rigid, felt the twitch of muscles as if they wanted to flinch away from any sort of comfort. Jack's heartbeat seemed to still a moment, a strange fight or flight instinct urging him to break apart the Doctor or run and never look back.
He didn't do either. Just waited.
The Doctor didn't look away from his feet, but Jack could feel his rib cage expand with a shuddering breath, and another, before he slumped against Jack. The simple press of their shoulders together like a safety net, a crutch, the massive beams holding together a complex and unstable structure.
They didn't move, didn't say a word till the soft kiss of the setting sun cascaded across the ocean before them, a shifting flow of golds and pinks on ever moving water. Jack looked across at the Doctor, the flop of hair shading his face, even as hints of light brushed his cheeks, and glowed in his eyes. Those eyes looked lost, impossibly old, even as Jack knew what that age felt like.
Jack lifted a hand, brushing finger tips across the soft skin of the Doctor's cheekbone where the light caressed it. The Doctor leant into the touch. Eyes not meeting Jack's, as if to do so would only shatter him more. Jack was glad he didn't, let his fingers explore silky skin, lost himself in the feel of it, delicate, so easy to bruise, to break open.
Jack shifted, dropping an arm to circle the Doctor's waist as he leant in. He brushed his lips across the skin his fingers had been tracing. A gentle, barley there touch as he ghosted kisses along the Doctor's cheek bone and down his jaw line. A soft sigh escaped the Doctor as Jack leant in more, pushing the Doctor down as the Doctor pulled Jack to himself. They lay back on the sand, the Doctor cradled in the circle of Jack's arms as he hovered half on top, his lips still meandering as they followed the curve of the Doctor's jaw, the hint of tendon in his neck, his tongue finally flicking out to explore the groove below the Doctor's ear as he tilted his head back.
A soft rush of breath slipped between the Doctor's parted lips, broken, stuttered, like he was caught between surprise and despair. Jack moved to claim the Doctor's mouth, catching the next desperate breath with a gentle kiss, a brush of lips that was almost chaste. Jack pulled back slightly, looking down at the Doctor whose eyes were still shut, dark lashes moist with tears that refused to fall, like delicate bars holding in all his pain and heartache.
Jack knew what that was like; hold everything in till the seams burst. It rarely ended well in Jack's experience, though maybe he was more prone to explosive self destructive outbursts than the Doctor. Or maybe not.
Jack kissed the Doctor's eyelids, one than the other, soft brush of lips over delicate, fragile skin. A hint of salt and sorrow lingering on Jack's lips, the taste of it between them when he kissed the Doctor again. This time deeper, tongue teasing, tempting the Doctor to open up, to let Jack in bit by bit. It was a heady rush, feeling the Doctor give way, give in.
Jack pulled back, letting fingers explore, caressing the Doctor's lips, jaw, feeling the beats of his hearts through the fabric of his shirt. Laying down a trail of comfort and understanding with each touch and finding something else too. He kissed the Doctor again, slow, unhurried. He felt the tension ease from the Doctor's muscles, and the sounds of the universe that Jack had been drowning in for months dimmed and faded into the background.
As the light faded and stars came out casting a soft glow, they lay back on the sand together. Neither spoke a word, finding solace in silence and gentle touches.
By morning the Doctor was gone.
Jack opened his eyes to an empty beach, and an ache inside. All the years he had lived, and all those still to come raging and screaming at him.
......................
Read Keep Falling Till We Fly
.