Earthbound (Without these wings I learned to fly...) Part 2
Title: Earthbound (Without these wings I learned to fly...) Part 2
Author: fate_incomplete
Character(s): Castiel, Dean, Bobby
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~22,000
Warnings: The usual Winchester angst
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Three months had passed since Dean had left and Castiel was still at Bobby’s, though he had moved from the couch to the bed in the panic room. He wasn’t sleeping much though, and it was showing. The action was far too human and he found it both disturbing and a reminder of what he had lost. He spent most of his time alone, sitting in the panic room brooding, or stomping around the junkyard outside, pacing aimlessly.
Bobby was worried about him, not that he would admit it, even to himself. The angel was tired, worn around the edges, and getting even moodier by the day. He helped Bobby out with research and Bobby made sure he came with him on every hunt. However, they rarely spoke and he didn’t know what else to do.
Bobby carried an armload of books down to the panic room. Pushing the door open with his foot he found the angel sitting at the already book strewn desk. He didn’t hear Bobby enter at first. He was slumped over the desk and staring at the wall. Bobby noticed the half empty liquor bottle and sighed. It had been a fortnight since their last hunt. They needed to find another one. Sitting still in the one place was apparently not something the angel did well.
Whenever they went too long without a hunt Castiel would start drinking. Not exactly benders like the one he went one before he lost his angel juice, but enough that it wasn’t healthy.
Castiel looked up as he walked over and dumped the books on the table.
“I got a lead on another hunt.”
Castiel screwed the top back on the whiskey bottle “Where?”
“One state over,” Bobby answered, watching as Castiel grabbed a shotgun and ammo and started shoving them roughly into a duffle bag.
“Don’t you want to know what it is?” Bobby asked as he tapped the books he had just dumped on the table.
“Ghouls, I assume, judging from those,” Castiel said, pointing absently in the direction of the books. “I may not be able to heal or teleport anymore, but I still know more lore then what is probably written in those books,” he added bitterly, grabbing the bag and heading upstairs.
Bobby sighed, yet again. The only thing more worrisome than Castiel when they had nothing to hunt, was Castiel when they were on a hunt. He threw himself into their hunts with a reckless abandon that was sometimes more frightening than the things they were hunting.
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Bobby, decked out in a reasonably respectable suit, exited the local morgue. Apparently the ghouls they were hunting had a taste for live flesh as well as dead, going by the two mutilated corpses he had just seen. He dialled Castiel’s number and waited for the angel to answer. Castiel was following up another lead that hadn’t required talking to people.
“Bobby,” Castiel answered.
“Looks like it could be more than one ghoul at work here judging from the number of victims and disturbed graves the local cops just told me about.”
“I think I’ve tracked them to the old cemetery just out of town, the crypt for a Smithson family,” Castiel said.
“Ok, well wait for me to get there before you do anything stupid, like I said, I think we’re dealing with more than one.”
“Fine,” Castiel said, hanging up before Bobby could say more.
Bobby cursed as he got into his car. The angel wasn’t exactly known for his patience. Bobby pushed well over the speed limit to get to the cemetery before Castiel got into trouble, which was apparently yet another of the angels talents. When he got to the cemetery Castiel was nowhere in sight. As he suspected, the angel hadn’t waited for him.
Bobby found the crypt without any trouble. As he entered he saw a tunnel opening in the back wall. Juggling his flashlight and shotgun, he followed it down. He could hear the sounds of fighting and rushed down the tunnel. It opened up into a large underground room, filled with older tombs.
Light filtered down through a grate in the roof, illuminating Castiel. He was surrounded by six ghouls. Bobby halted at the scene before him. Castiel may not have any of his angel mojo left, but he was one hell of a fighter. He was keeping the ghouls at bay. He grabbed one of them by the throat and with one deft move severed its head with the long knife he was fighting with.
Movement off to the side of the room caught Bobby’s attention. A seventh ghoul was holding a woman and young child. Castiel had disturbed their latest meal by the looks of it. He rushed towards them hoping to take out the ghoul holding them.
He quickly found himself on his knees the shotgun knocked from his hands. One of the ghouls fighting Castiel had rushed him from behind. He tried to roll to the side towards where the gun had fallen, barley dodging the wild swing the ghoul aimed at his head. His fingers grazed the gun, but before he could grab it the ghoul had a hold of him and lifted him up by the front of his shirt, ready to smash him in the head with an iron bar it was holding.
The ghoul’s body jerked suddenly, it toppled forward half landing on top of Bobby. Castiel’s knife was sticking out of its back. Bobby pushed it off and grabbed the shotgun before it could recover. Placing the barrel on its forehead, he blasted its head off.
He looked over to Castiel, now fighting bare handed. He grabbed the knife out of the ghoul’s body, catching Castiel’s attention he tossed it towards him before taking aim at another ghoul. He didn’t have time to see if Castiel caught the knife as the ghoul he was aiming at was almost on him. He fired, taking its head off as well.
The woman and child were now unguarded, he ushered them towards the tunnel, taking out another ghoul on the way. He made sure they were on their way up the tunnel before he turned back to help Castiel. He looked back just in time to see him decapitate the last of the ghouls.
Castiel stood amongst the dead bodies of the ghouls. He had a cut on his neck that was bleeding, bruising already appearing around it, and an abrasion above his left eye, but otherwise seemed unharmed.
“You’re a lucky son of a bitch. You should have waited, that could have gone a lot worse,” Bobby chastised the angel.
“Lucky?” Castiel asked with his head tilted slightly, as if trying to figure out how fighting seven ghouls could be considered lucky.
“Never mind,” Bobby muttered in response to the angel’s lack of understanding.
They caught up with the young woman and her daughter outside the crypt. They were both shaking and while the woman had several cuts on her arms from the attack, her daughter was mostly unscathed. Bobby called 911, waiting until they saw the ambulance pull into the cemetery before leaving them and heading back to the car. Castiel seemed a little despondent considering they had just saved two innocent people.
“Cas, something on your mind?” Bobby asked as they reached the car.
“Hunting these monsters just seems...” he paused searching for the right word, “insignificant.” He looked at the shotgun in his hand, as if it was a symbol of how far he had fallen.
“Not to them,” Bobby said indicating the woman across the cemetery, who was holding her young daughter tightly in her arms, talking to a paramedic.
“I know, it’s just … I should be able to do more.”
“You do what you can, which is more than most I have to say, no one can ask for any more than that,” Bobby replied opening the driver’s door. Castiel stood for a while studying the mother and child, his head in its customary tilt.
Bobby knew he had given up everything to try and protect humanity and had felt useless ever since, felt as though he had nothing left to give. He might not be powerful anymore, but the family, alive and safe, were testament to the fact that he could still help humans, maybe just not all of them anymore.
Bobby was waiting impatiently, “You done moping?”
Castiel glanced one last time back at the woman and her daughter. “Yes, I think I am,” he said quietly. He turned back to Bobby who was still waiting on the other side of the car. “Bobby I’m not coming back with you, there’s something I need to do.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know,” Castiel replied, his brow furrowed in thought. He half smiled at Bobby before grabbing his bag from the car. He walked away through the cemetery before Bobby could think of some way to stop him.
When Bobby arrived back at his house alone, it seemed strange. He wondered again exactly what it was Castiel had left to do, and if he’d be back. He and Castiel might not say much to each other but he had grown comfortable around the angel. Shaking his head as if to dislodge the thought he sat down at the kitchen table to clean his weapons. The house sounded too quiet with no one else in it.
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Castiel entered another cemetery, this one in Muncie, Indiana. He walked amongst the headstones searching. He wasn’t sure why he was here exactly. Seeing the young woman with her daughter that they had saved had touched something inside him. It made him think of his own family, his brothers, his brethren.
There were times when the thought of heaven and what he had left behind left a hollow ache inside of him. He didn’t truly understand it. He had loved his brothers, but after seeing the love humans were capable off, he thought the bond of family amongst the angels was a pale shadow in comparison. Yet they were still his brothers.
He had been walking through the cemetery for some time before he found what he was looking for. The grave had a small simple plaque with just a number. There had been no family to mourn the passing, no identification the authorities could find. It was in some ways fitting for a life spent in hiding, yet it seemed sad to Castiel that one such as this should pass without notice.
“Gabriel,” Castiel whispered as he knelt by the graveside.
He stayed there for a long time time. Thinking of the last time he had seen Gabriel and the way he had been before he had left heaven. Of course the body buried here wasn’t so much Gabriel but the remains of the vessel he had inhabited as the Trickster for countless years.
He stood and walked to a nearby bench beneath towering pines that lined one of the avenues within the cemetery. He still wasn’t sure why he was here, but it felt right. Of all his brothers, in the end, Gabriel had been the only one who may have understood him. The only one who fought for the same reasons he did. The only one to also see humanity as their Father does. Gabriel had finally stood up to Lucifer, after so many years running away from his brothers and refusing to pick a side.
Castiel had never had a chance to really talk to Gabriel. He had been dead by the time Castiel woke. A slight smirk touched his lips as he thought of what Gabriel would have said had he learned of Castiel’s current powerless state. He had no doubt the trickster in him would have had a field day.
Castiel didn’t know how long he sat there, letting his thoughts wander until eventually his mind settled and he closed his eyes. There was a slight breeze rustling through the pines, warm sunlight falling across the bench. It was peaceful. For the first time in the last few months his thoughts were empty and some of the strain left him, the tension that seemed to be constantly within him, bunching his muscles, eased.
Castiel’s thoughts turned to Dean, as they often did. He wasn’t sure he understood why Dean had left. Bobby had tried to explain in his gruff manner, but it hadn’t really helped. He still didn’t know why.
He knew that Bobby missed Dean and wished that he would contact him. He also knew that Bobby was hesitant to call Dean as he didn’t want to interfere in the normal life Dean was trying to find. Castiel didn’t understand that either.
Castiel knew that he missed Dean’s companionship. He saw so much within the hunter, so much emotion and compassion as well as all the doubt and turmoil. There had been times during their fight against the angels that he had felt he stood on a precipice, and what he had seen inside Dean had either threatened to push him off into the abyss or draw him back to safety. He was never sure which it was. He still wasn’t, and maybe never would.
Whichever it was he knew he had been irrevocably changed. He had lived for several millennia, but hadn’t known what it felt to be truly alive, or to truly feel anything, until he had met Dean. Despite all he had lost, he knew given the chance he would do it all again. He just wished he could find a way to deal with the storm of emotions that threatened to drown him at times.
He sat for a while longer soaking in the peace and quiet of the cemetery. He knew he would return to Bobby’s. He thought it was strange but he found the humans gruffness comforting. There was one more thing he wanted to do on the way back though.
The sun dipped lower and the bench fell into shade. Castiel stood and with one last glance toward the grave he walked out of the cemetery. He still didn’t understand why he had come here.
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Dean was underneath the Impala fixing a faulty brake line, humming along to Led Zeppelin. He paused when he thought he heard someone in the front yard. By the time he got out from under the car and walked around no one was there.
He shrugged, thinking his paranoid hunter senses were making him jumpy. He was about to turn back to the house when a figure getting onto a bus down the street caught his attention. The bus was heading in the opposite direction before he got a good look. He could have sworn the figure was familiar, though he wasn’t wearing a trench coat.
When he turned back to the house he saw a parcel on the front step. He picked it up seeing a note with his name on it.
Dean. I bought you a new phone, your old one doesn’t seem to be working, was all it said. Dean looked down the street in the direction the bus had gone.
“Subtle Cas, subtle,” Dean said with a lopsided grin and he carried the package inside.
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Bobby was in the kitchen reading through some old books when a figure appeared in the doorway. He looked up. Castiel was leaning against the door.
“Hello Bobby.”
Bobby couldn't help the sense of relief he felt at seeing Castiel. He'd never admit it, but after almost a week without word from the angel, he had started to wonder if he would ever see him again. He had been starting to worry about whether Castiel had merely left of his own accord or if something had happened to him. In his relief Bobby didn't notice the slight wince Castiel quickly covered as he leant against the door frame.
“Enjoy your trip?” Bobby asked.
Castiel’s head tilted as he thought before answering, “Yes.”
“I got a call, from Dean. He said to tell you his new phone works much better than his old one.”
Castiel merely smiled.
“Thanks,” Bobby said with emotion in his voice.
“I didn’t do anything,” Castiel replied.
Castiel walked out, heading downstairs to the panic room with his bag. Bobby shook his head, trying not to think how glad he was to see Castiel back, and how grateful he was for his actions with Dean, knowing without a doubt that Castiel had indeed done something.
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Dean sat staring at the phone in his hands. The last three months had felt like an eternity and every time he closed his eyes he would see Sam falling into the cage along with Adam in slow motion. His two brothers lost to him. His grief was still sharp and threatened to consume him at times.
He knew he should have kept in touch with Bobby, and damn if Castiel hadn’t so very subtly reminded him that there were still people who cared about him. A slight smile touched his lips at the idea of Castiel learning the fine art of subtlety, though he was still about as subtle as a bullet to the head. He hadn’t spoken to Bobby for too long, it had been a stilted conversation, both unsure what to say. What could he say? He figured that it had been better to say little than to say nothing at all.
He had left Bobby and Castiel in a bid to keep his promise to Sam. He still wasn’t sure it had been the right thing to do, but he had promised, and had been doing his best to honour his brother’s request. Though the urge to find a way, any way, to save his brothers was so strong it was almost overwhelming.
He had spent the first week at Lisa’s so lost in his grief he had barley been functioning. However he knew it was hardly reasonable for Lisa to just accept him into her life, especially with her son to consider. He had moved out after that first week into an apartment nearby.
He guessed they were dating, which just seemed so normal that it felt completely surreal at times.
He had taken a part time job fixing up cars and even coached Ben’s baseball team for exactly one game before Lisa had discreetly suggested it wasn’t for him. Pointing out that it was a kid’s baseball team and dirty tactics weren’t exactly appropriate, even if they did help them win.
With little to fill his time the days seemed to drag. While at first it had been great to catch up on what seemed like years worth of sleep and have some home cooked meals, the novelty was wearing off. It all felt so mundane and he was getting restless, though he tried his best not to dwell on those feelings, he had a promise to keep after all. With one last thought of Castiel and Bobby he got up, and shoved the phone in his pocket, resigned to pushing them to the back of his mind once more. Lisa was cooking dinner for him and she hated it when he was late.
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The dinner with Lisa had been perfectly nice and normal, but after speaking to Bobby he had spent the whole meal thinking of the life he had left behind. Every bite of the pot roast and fresh veggies he ate seemed like a dream, or a lie. It was probably the most miserable he had felt over the last few months. Lisa was a great chick and Ben was a cool kid that he’d be happy to call his own, but it didn’t feel like his life.
When he got back to his own apartment, he stretched out on his bed, boots and jacket still on and idly took a swig of beer as he stared at the ceiling. He kept flipping his new cell phone open and shut with his other hand, distracted, trying to convince himself to just dial the number. He sighed and tossed it on the bedside table, downing the rest of the beer before getting up to grab another one.
As he sat back down on the side of the bed, he eyed the phone again. He felt like some nervous schoolgirl wondering if it was too early to call a boy back. He felt guilty for the way he had left the angel behind; after all he had sacrificed to help Dean.
Sighing he picked up the phone and dialled Castiel’s number, slumping with his head in his hands as he waited for him to answer.
“Hello Dean,” Castiel answered.
“Hey Cas.”
There was silence for a moment, Dean trying to think of what to say, how to apologise or thank the angel for everything he had done. He cleared his throat and went with something less chick flick instead.
“So, I hear you’re hunting with Bobby.”
“Yes,” Castiel paused for a moment, “I wasn’t sure what else to do.”
“Hmm,” Dean replied his voice catching. “Look Cas, I’m-I’m sorry for everything. I mean if it wasn’t for me…”
“Dean, it was my choice.”
“Yeah but...”
“How is Lisa?” Castiel asked, changing the subject.
Dean paused for a moment before deciding to let the angel change the topic, “Yeah she’s fine, good I guess.”
There was another pause before Castiel continued, “Good. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“Yeah, me too.”
There was more silence.
“Goodbye Dean.”
“Yeah, bye Cas.”
Dean sat for a moment listening to the dial tone before hanging up. He closed his eyes, rubbing his face roughly. Swallowing hard he flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling again.
Castiel’s words only served to amplify the uneasiness he had been feeling. The apple pie life wasn’t sitting well with him. He felt hollow, and it wasn’t just from missing Sam. He wasn’t sure how much longer telling himself that he deserved the apple pie life Sam made him promise to have would work.
“Bye Cas,” he said to the empty room.
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They were sitting on the front steps of her house. Dean had had been quite all week, he knew Lisa realised something was up. They hardly had what could be called a close, stable relationship, but he had been even more distant than usual. He knew it was time to talk to her, he just wasn’t sure how. She deserved better.
“Ah Lisa, there’s something I need to, well we need to talk.”
Lisa nodded with a wry smile, “I know Dean, I’ve been waiting for you to say something.”
“Huh, you have?”
“Yeah, I mean I’m not stupid, I knew this wasn’t going to last, I just, I don’t know. I like you Dean and I will always be grateful for what you did for Ben.”
“Ok.”
“I don’t mean it like that, I’m glad you came. Even if there’s nothing more here I’d like to think we are friends. If the time you had here helped, then I’m happy.”
“Lisa, I’m sorry, you deserve better.”
“I know,” she said teasingly, chuckling as he looked at her.
He smiled back at her, relieved she wasn’t hurt or upset. He guessed she really was the smart and level headed one.
“I am sorry Lisa.”
“I know Dean, it’s ok. Even I can see this isn’t the life for you.”
“Part of me wishes it was.”
They sat there together in silence waiting for Ben to come home from school. Both of them knew he would be gone by tomorrow.
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Dean had the Impala packed and was on the road by daybreak the next morning. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, where he was going. He just started driving. Maybe he’d go on a road trip. A real road trip, like normal people took. He may not be staying with Lisa like he had promised Sam, but he wasn’t quite ready to go back to the hunters life either. He would still try and keep that part of his promise.
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Part 3...
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Author: fate_incomplete
Character(s): Castiel, Dean, Bobby
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~22,000
Warnings: The usual Winchester angst
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Three months had passed since Dean had left and Castiel was still at Bobby’s, though he had moved from the couch to the bed in the panic room. He wasn’t sleeping much though, and it was showing. The action was far too human and he found it both disturbing and a reminder of what he had lost. He spent most of his time alone, sitting in the panic room brooding, or stomping around the junkyard outside, pacing aimlessly.
Bobby was worried about him, not that he would admit it, even to himself. The angel was tired, worn around the edges, and getting even moodier by the day. He helped Bobby out with research and Bobby made sure he came with him on every hunt. However, they rarely spoke and he didn’t know what else to do.
Bobby carried an armload of books down to the panic room. Pushing the door open with his foot he found the angel sitting at the already book strewn desk. He didn’t hear Bobby enter at first. He was slumped over the desk and staring at the wall. Bobby noticed the half empty liquor bottle and sighed. It had been a fortnight since their last hunt. They needed to find another one. Sitting still in the one place was apparently not something the angel did well.
Whenever they went too long without a hunt Castiel would start drinking. Not exactly benders like the one he went one before he lost his angel juice, but enough that it wasn’t healthy.
Castiel looked up as he walked over and dumped the books on the table.
“I got a lead on another hunt.”
Castiel screwed the top back on the whiskey bottle “Where?”
“One state over,” Bobby answered, watching as Castiel grabbed a shotgun and ammo and started shoving them roughly into a duffle bag.
“Don’t you want to know what it is?” Bobby asked as he tapped the books he had just dumped on the table.
“Ghouls, I assume, judging from those,” Castiel said, pointing absently in the direction of the books. “I may not be able to heal or teleport anymore, but I still know more lore then what is probably written in those books,” he added bitterly, grabbing the bag and heading upstairs.
Bobby sighed, yet again. The only thing more worrisome than Castiel when they had nothing to hunt, was Castiel when they were on a hunt. He threw himself into their hunts with a reckless abandon that was sometimes more frightening than the things they were hunting.
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Bobby, decked out in a reasonably respectable suit, exited the local morgue. Apparently the ghouls they were hunting had a taste for live flesh as well as dead, going by the two mutilated corpses he had just seen. He dialled Castiel’s number and waited for the angel to answer. Castiel was following up another lead that hadn’t required talking to people.
“Bobby,” Castiel answered.
“Looks like it could be more than one ghoul at work here judging from the number of victims and disturbed graves the local cops just told me about.”
“I think I’ve tracked them to the old cemetery just out of town, the crypt for a Smithson family,” Castiel said.
“Ok, well wait for me to get there before you do anything stupid, like I said, I think we’re dealing with more than one.”
“Fine,” Castiel said, hanging up before Bobby could say more.
Bobby cursed as he got into his car. The angel wasn’t exactly known for his patience. Bobby pushed well over the speed limit to get to the cemetery before Castiel got into trouble, which was apparently yet another of the angels talents. When he got to the cemetery Castiel was nowhere in sight. As he suspected, the angel hadn’t waited for him.
Bobby found the crypt without any trouble. As he entered he saw a tunnel opening in the back wall. Juggling his flashlight and shotgun, he followed it down. He could hear the sounds of fighting and rushed down the tunnel. It opened up into a large underground room, filled with older tombs.
Light filtered down through a grate in the roof, illuminating Castiel. He was surrounded by six ghouls. Bobby halted at the scene before him. Castiel may not have any of his angel mojo left, but he was one hell of a fighter. He was keeping the ghouls at bay. He grabbed one of them by the throat and with one deft move severed its head with the long knife he was fighting with.
Movement off to the side of the room caught Bobby’s attention. A seventh ghoul was holding a woman and young child. Castiel had disturbed their latest meal by the looks of it. He rushed towards them hoping to take out the ghoul holding them.
He quickly found himself on his knees the shotgun knocked from his hands. One of the ghouls fighting Castiel had rushed him from behind. He tried to roll to the side towards where the gun had fallen, barley dodging the wild swing the ghoul aimed at his head. His fingers grazed the gun, but before he could grab it the ghoul had a hold of him and lifted him up by the front of his shirt, ready to smash him in the head with an iron bar it was holding.
The ghoul’s body jerked suddenly, it toppled forward half landing on top of Bobby. Castiel’s knife was sticking out of its back. Bobby pushed it off and grabbed the shotgun before it could recover. Placing the barrel on its forehead, he blasted its head off.
He looked over to Castiel, now fighting bare handed. He grabbed the knife out of the ghoul’s body, catching Castiel’s attention he tossed it towards him before taking aim at another ghoul. He didn’t have time to see if Castiel caught the knife as the ghoul he was aiming at was almost on him. He fired, taking its head off as well.
The woman and child were now unguarded, he ushered them towards the tunnel, taking out another ghoul on the way. He made sure they were on their way up the tunnel before he turned back to help Castiel. He looked back just in time to see him decapitate the last of the ghouls.
Castiel stood amongst the dead bodies of the ghouls. He had a cut on his neck that was bleeding, bruising already appearing around it, and an abrasion above his left eye, but otherwise seemed unharmed.
“You’re a lucky son of a bitch. You should have waited, that could have gone a lot worse,” Bobby chastised the angel.
“Lucky?” Castiel asked with his head tilted slightly, as if trying to figure out how fighting seven ghouls could be considered lucky.
“Never mind,” Bobby muttered in response to the angel’s lack of understanding.
They caught up with the young woman and her daughter outside the crypt. They were both shaking and while the woman had several cuts on her arms from the attack, her daughter was mostly unscathed. Bobby called 911, waiting until they saw the ambulance pull into the cemetery before leaving them and heading back to the car. Castiel seemed a little despondent considering they had just saved two innocent people.
“Cas, something on your mind?” Bobby asked as they reached the car.
“Hunting these monsters just seems...” he paused searching for the right word, “insignificant.” He looked at the shotgun in his hand, as if it was a symbol of how far he had fallen.
“Not to them,” Bobby said indicating the woman across the cemetery, who was holding her young daughter tightly in her arms, talking to a paramedic.
“I know, it’s just … I should be able to do more.”
“You do what you can, which is more than most I have to say, no one can ask for any more than that,” Bobby replied opening the driver’s door. Castiel stood for a while studying the mother and child, his head in its customary tilt.
Bobby knew he had given up everything to try and protect humanity and had felt useless ever since, felt as though he had nothing left to give. He might not be powerful anymore, but the family, alive and safe, were testament to the fact that he could still help humans, maybe just not all of them anymore.
Bobby was waiting impatiently, “You done moping?”
Castiel glanced one last time back at the woman and her daughter. “Yes, I think I am,” he said quietly. He turned back to Bobby who was still waiting on the other side of the car. “Bobby I’m not coming back with you, there’s something I need to do.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know,” Castiel replied, his brow furrowed in thought. He half smiled at Bobby before grabbing his bag from the car. He walked away through the cemetery before Bobby could think of some way to stop him.
When Bobby arrived back at his house alone, it seemed strange. He wondered again exactly what it was Castiel had left to do, and if he’d be back. He and Castiel might not say much to each other but he had grown comfortable around the angel. Shaking his head as if to dislodge the thought he sat down at the kitchen table to clean his weapons. The house sounded too quiet with no one else in it.
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Castiel entered another cemetery, this one in Muncie, Indiana. He walked amongst the headstones searching. He wasn’t sure why he was here exactly. Seeing the young woman with her daughter that they had saved had touched something inside him. It made him think of his own family, his brothers, his brethren.
There were times when the thought of heaven and what he had left behind left a hollow ache inside of him. He didn’t truly understand it. He had loved his brothers, but after seeing the love humans were capable off, he thought the bond of family amongst the angels was a pale shadow in comparison. Yet they were still his brothers.
He had been walking through the cemetery for some time before he found what he was looking for. The grave had a small simple plaque with just a number. There had been no family to mourn the passing, no identification the authorities could find. It was in some ways fitting for a life spent in hiding, yet it seemed sad to Castiel that one such as this should pass without notice.
“Gabriel,” Castiel whispered as he knelt by the graveside.
He stayed there for a long time time. Thinking of the last time he had seen Gabriel and the way he had been before he had left heaven. Of course the body buried here wasn’t so much Gabriel but the remains of the vessel he had inhabited as the Trickster for countless years.
He stood and walked to a nearby bench beneath towering pines that lined one of the avenues within the cemetery. He still wasn’t sure why he was here, but it felt right. Of all his brothers, in the end, Gabriel had been the only one who may have understood him. The only one who fought for the same reasons he did. The only one to also see humanity as their Father does. Gabriel had finally stood up to Lucifer, after so many years running away from his brothers and refusing to pick a side.
Castiel had never had a chance to really talk to Gabriel. He had been dead by the time Castiel woke. A slight smirk touched his lips as he thought of what Gabriel would have said had he learned of Castiel’s current powerless state. He had no doubt the trickster in him would have had a field day.
Castiel didn’t know how long he sat there, letting his thoughts wander until eventually his mind settled and he closed his eyes. There was a slight breeze rustling through the pines, warm sunlight falling across the bench. It was peaceful. For the first time in the last few months his thoughts were empty and some of the strain left him, the tension that seemed to be constantly within him, bunching his muscles, eased.
Castiel’s thoughts turned to Dean, as they often did. He wasn’t sure he understood why Dean had left. Bobby had tried to explain in his gruff manner, but it hadn’t really helped. He still didn’t know why.
He knew that Bobby missed Dean and wished that he would contact him. He also knew that Bobby was hesitant to call Dean as he didn’t want to interfere in the normal life Dean was trying to find. Castiel didn’t understand that either.
Castiel knew that he missed Dean’s companionship. He saw so much within the hunter, so much emotion and compassion as well as all the doubt and turmoil. There had been times during their fight against the angels that he had felt he stood on a precipice, and what he had seen inside Dean had either threatened to push him off into the abyss or draw him back to safety. He was never sure which it was. He still wasn’t, and maybe never would.
Whichever it was he knew he had been irrevocably changed. He had lived for several millennia, but hadn’t known what it felt to be truly alive, or to truly feel anything, until he had met Dean. Despite all he had lost, he knew given the chance he would do it all again. He just wished he could find a way to deal with the storm of emotions that threatened to drown him at times.
He sat for a while longer soaking in the peace and quiet of the cemetery. He knew he would return to Bobby’s. He thought it was strange but he found the humans gruffness comforting. There was one more thing he wanted to do on the way back though.
The sun dipped lower and the bench fell into shade. Castiel stood and with one last glance toward the grave he walked out of the cemetery. He still didn’t understand why he had come here.
.................................
Dean was underneath the Impala fixing a faulty brake line, humming along to Led Zeppelin. He paused when he thought he heard someone in the front yard. By the time he got out from under the car and walked around no one was there.
He shrugged, thinking his paranoid hunter senses were making him jumpy. He was about to turn back to the house when a figure getting onto a bus down the street caught his attention. The bus was heading in the opposite direction before he got a good look. He could have sworn the figure was familiar, though he wasn’t wearing a trench coat.
When he turned back to the house he saw a parcel on the front step. He picked it up seeing a note with his name on it.
Dean. I bought you a new phone, your old one doesn’t seem to be working, was all it said. Dean looked down the street in the direction the bus had gone.
“Subtle Cas, subtle,” Dean said with a lopsided grin and he carried the package inside.
.................................
Bobby was in the kitchen reading through some old books when a figure appeared in the doorway. He looked up. Castiel was leaning against the door.
“Hello Bobby.”
Bobby couldn't help the sense of relief he felt at seeing Castiel. He'd never admit it, but after almost a week without word from the angel, he had started to wonder if he would ever see him again. He had been starting to worry about whether Castiel had merely left of his own accord or if something had happened to him. In his relief Bobby didn't notice the slight wince Castiel quickly covered as he leant against the door frame.
“Enjoy your trip?” Bobby asked.
Castiel’s head tilted as he thought before answering, “Yes.”
“I got a call, from Dean. He said to tell you his new phone works much better than his old one.”
Castiel merely smiled.
“Thanks,” Bobby said with emotion in his voice.
“I didn’t do anything,” Castiel replied.
Castiel walked out, heading downstairs to the panic room with his bag. Bobby shook his head, trying not to think how glad he was to see Castiel back, and how grateful he was for his actions with Dean, knowing without a doubt that Castiel had indeed done something.
.................................
Dean sat staring at the phone in his hands. The last three months had felt like an eternity and every time he closed his eyes he would see Sam falling into the cage along with Adam in slow motion. His two brothers lost to him. His grief was still sharp and threatened to consume him at times.
He knew he should have kept in touch with Bobby, and damn if Castiel hadn’t so very subtly reminded him that there were still people who cared about him. A slight smile touched his lips at the idea of Castiel learning the fine art of subtlety, though he was still about as subtle as a bullet to the head. He hadn’t spoken to Bobby for too long, it had been a stilted conversation, both unsure what to say. What could he say? He figured that it had been better to say little than to say nothing at all.
He had left Bobby and Castiel in a bid to keep his promise to Sam. He still wasn’t sure it had been the right thing to do, but he had promised, and had been doing his best to honour his brother’s request. Though the urge to find a way, any way, to save his brothers was so strong it was almost overwhelming.
He had spent the first week at Lisa’s so lost in his grief he had barley been functioning. However he knew it was hardly reasonable for Lisa to just accept him into her life, especially with her son to consider. He had moved out after that first week into an apartment nearby.
He guessed they were dating, which just seemed so normal that it felt completely surreal at times.
He had taken a part time job fixing up cars and even coached Ben’s baseball team for exactly one game before Lisa had discreetly suggested it wasn’t for him. Pointing out that it was a kid’s baseball team and dirty tactics weren’t exactly appropriate, even if they did help them win.
With little to fill his time the days seemed to drag. While at first it had been great to catch up on what seemed like years worth of sleep and have some home cooked meals, the novelty was wearing off. It all felt so mundane and he was getting restless, though he tried his best not to dwell on those feelings, he had a promise to keep after all. With one last thought of Castiel and Bobby he got up, and shoved the phone in his pocket, resigned to pushing them to the back of his mind once more. Lisa was cooking dinner for him and she hated it when he was late.
.................................
The dinner with Lisa had been perfectly nice and normal, but after speaking to Bobby he had spent the whole meal thinking of the life he had left behind. Every bite of the pot roast and fresh veggies he ate seemed like a dream, or a lie. It was probably the most miserable he had felt over the last few months. Lisa was a great chick and Ben was a cool kid that he’d be happy to call his own, but it didn’t feel like his life.
When he got back to his own apartment, he stretched out on his bed, boots and jacket still on and idly took a swig of beer as he stared at the ceiling. He kept flipping his new cell phone open and shut with his other hand, distracted, trying to convince himself to just dial the number. He sighed and tossed it on the bedside table, downing the rest of the beer before getting up to grab another one.
As he sat back down on the side of the bed, he eyed the phone again. He felt like some nervous schoolgirl wondering if it was too early to call a boy back. He felt guilty for the way he had left the angel behind; after all he had sacrificed to help Dean.
Sighing he picked up the phone and dialled Castiel’s number, slumping with his head in his hands as he waited for him to answer.
“Hello Dean,” Castiel answered.
“Hey Cas.”
There was silence for a moment, Dean trying to think of what to say, how to apologise or thank the angel for everything he had done. He cleared his throat and went with something less chick flick instead.
“So, I hear you’re hunting with Bobby.”
“Yes,” Castiel paused for a moment, “I wasn’t sure what else to do.”
“Hmm,” Dean replied his voice catching. “Look Cas, I’m-I’m sorry for everything. I mean if it wasn’t for me…”
“Dean, it was my choice.”
“Yeah but...”
“How is Lisa?” Castiel asked, changing the subject.
Dean paused for a moment before deciding to let the angel change the topic, “Yeah she’s fine, good I guess.”
There was another pause before Castiel continued, “Good. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“Yeah, me too.”
There was more silence.
“Goodbye Dean.”
“Yeah, bye Cas.”
Dean sat for a moment listening to the dial tone before hanging up. He closed his eyes, rubbing his face roughly. Swallowing hard he flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling again.
Castiel’s words only served to amplify the uneasiness he had been feeling. The apple pie life wasn’t sitting well with him. He felt hollow, and it wasn’t just from missing Sam. He wasn’t sure how much longer telling himself that he deserved the apple pie life Sam made him promise to have would work.
“Bye Cas,” he said to the empty room.
.................................
They were sitting on the front steps of her house. Dean had had been quite all week, he knew Lisa realised something was up. They hardly had what could be called a close, stable relationship, but he had been even more distant than usual. He knew it was time to talk to her, he just wasn’t sure how. She deserved better.
“Ah Lisa, there’s something I need to, well we need to talk.”
Lisa nodded with a wry smile, “I know Dean, I’ve been waiting for you to say something.”
“Huh, you have?”
“Yeah, I mean I’m not stupid, I knew this wasn’t going to last, I just, I don’t know. I like you Dean and I will always be grateful for what you did for Ben.”
“Ok.”
“I don’t mean it like that, I’m glad you came. Even if there’s nothing more here I’d like to think we are friends. If the time you had here helped, then I’m happy.”
“Lisa, I’m sorry, you deserve better.”
“I know,” she said teasingly, chuckling as he looked at her.
He smiled back at her, relieved she wasn’t hurt or upset. He guessed she really was the smart and level headed one.
“I am sorry Lisa.”
“I know Dean, it’s ok. Even I can see this isn’t the life for you.”
“Part of me wishes it was.”
They sat there together in silence waiting for Ben to come home from school. Both of them knew he would be gone by tomorrow.
.................................
Dean had the Impala packed and was on the road by daybreak the next morning. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, where he was going. He just started driving. Maybe he’d go on a road trip. A real road trip, like normal people took. He may not be staying with Lisa like he had promised Sam, but he wasn’t quite ready to go back to the hunters life either. He would still try and keep that part of his promise.
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Part 3...
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