Held Captive...
Title: Held Captive
Author: fate_incomplete
Rating: PG
Genre and/or Pairing: Dean/Cas
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Word Count: 600
Summary: Such loss and heartache had no place in the eyes of an angel. Dean would give everything to ease it.
It had always been his eyes. From the first time he had seen Castiel, amid the sparks, the fear of the unknown, the disbelief of what he claimed to be and trying to comprehend why he had been saved, it had been his eyes that had captured him. Unable to look away, forced to face what he saw in them, whether he wanted to or not.
Such age, such knowledge, it had been unnerving yet captivating, wanting to look away, to hide from that knowing gaze but unable to. Surety, righteousness and faith shone from them. Not just in heaven, god and his mission, but in Dean. He had been unable to accept it, always unworthy, he had to save others but saw no salvation for himself. Yet in those eyes there was no need to ask for salvation it was freely given, unnecessary. Those eyes saw something within him that he could never recognise himself.
Those eyes had changed yet stayed the same, there was more now. Now there was understanding, compassion, determination, but also something more, veiled within their depths. Weariness, loss and pain were hiding at the edges, their fingers creeping out, threatening to capture you and hold you in depths of despair. There was desperation for something to have faith in, for some spark of hope to hold onto. Sadness so achingly palpable, it seemed to reach out and touch something inside of him and take his breath away.
So much had been lost, so much had been gained. The burdens, the doubts, the fears, they were all there for any to see, yet so few seemed to take the time to notice. He didn’t know how others couldn’t see it, when it was all he could do to tear his own eyes away from it. To not tear the world apart and put it back together better, so that pain and loss would no longer exist, just to erase it from Castiel’s eyes. He would give anything, everything to do that.
Something deep within in him ached whenever he thought of the pain in those eyes that had been caused by him. He had asked too much but it had always been given. He would let go if he could, if it would ease the burden. Yet he knew that even if he could, it wouldn’t change anything. What had been done was done, it couldn’t be taken back. He could only try to ease it, strive to never add more pain. To tease out those rare moments of joy that threatened to be drowned by so much hurt and sadness. Those moment that were cherished whenever they appeared and grieved for when they were gone. He would try to draw those moments out, to add to them, till they were strong enough to overpower all doubts and fears.
Every time they shared a look he was held captive by those eyes, unable or unwilling to look away. Wanting to know every secret depth they held, every emotion, every thought they contained that was never voiced.
It could take millennia to know everything within those eyes. Maybe they could never be understood. Perhaps they were too unknowable to ever comprehend. Yet for as long as he drew breath he would try. They were the eyes of an angel, the angel who had saved him, not just from hell, but from the despair and worthlessness he had been drowning in for what seemed like his entire life. He would take every second he could to know those eyes, for what he saw in them, and for what they saw in him.
..................................................
Author: fate_incomplete
Rating: PG
Genre and/or Pairing: Dean/Cas
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Word Count: 600
Summary: Such loss and heartache had no place in the eyes of an angel. Dean would give everything to ease it.
It had always been his eyes. From the first time he had seen Castiel, amid the sparks, the fear of the unknown, the disbelief of what he claimed to be and trying to comprehend why he had been saved, it had been his eyes that had captured him. Unable to look away, forced to face what he saw in them, whether he wanted to or not.
Such age, such knowledge, it had been unnerving yet captivating, wanting to look away, to hide from that knowing gaze but unable to. Surety, righteousness and faith shone from them. Not just in heaven, god and his mission, but in Dean. He had been unable to accept it, always unworthy, he had to save others but saw no salvation for himself. Yet in those eyes there was no need to ask for salvation it was freely given, unnecessary. Those eyes saw something within him that he could never recognise himself.
Those eyes had changed yet stayed the same, there was more now. Now there was understanding, compassion, determination, but also something more, veiled within their depths. Weariness, loss and pain were hiding at the edges, their fingers creeping out, threatening to capture you and hold you in depths of despair. There was desperation for something to have faith in, for some spark of hope to hold onto. Sadness so achingly palpable, it seemed to reach out and touch something inside of him and take his breath away.
So much had been lost, so much had been gained. The burdens, the doubts, the fears, they were all there for any to see, yet so few seemed to take the time to notice. He didn’t know how others couldn’t see it, when it was all he could do to tear his own eyes away from it. To not tear the world apart and put it back together better, so that pain and loss would no longer exist, just to erase it from Castiel’s eyes. He would give anything, everything to do that.
Something deep within in him ached whenever he thought of the pain in those eyes that had been caused by him. He had asked too much but it had always been given. He would let go if he could, if it would ease the burden. Yet he knew that even if he could, it wouldn’t change anything. What had been done was done, it couldn’t be taken back. He could only try to ease it, strive to never add more pain. To tease out those rare moments of joy that threatened to be drowned by so much hurt and sadness. Those moment that were cherished whenever they appeared and grieved for when they were gone. He would try to draw those moments out, to add to them, till they were strong enough to overpower all doubts and fears.
Every time they shared a look he was held captive by those eyes, unable or unwilling to look away. Wanting to know every secret depth they held, every emotion, every thought they contained that was never voiced.
It could take millennia to know everything within those eyes. Maybe they could never be understood. Perhaps they were too unknowable to ever comprehend. Yet for as long as he drew breath he would try. They were the eyes of an angel, the angel who had saved him, not just from hell, but from the despair and worthlessness he had been drowning in for what seemed like his entire life. He would take every second he could to know those eyes, for what he saw in them, and for what they saw in him.
..................................................