(no subject)
I decided about a week or two ago that I needed to go back to the gym. It's pretty sad when a 5'4" 102 pound chick is self-concious in a bikini but hey, it happens. When I first decided to start running again it was all about how unhappy I was with the way I looked. I think I may have had a mild eating disorder a couple months ago. I got down to almost 95 pounds and you could see a lots of bone. I don't know that I was intentionally starving myself as much as I wasn't used to my overloaded schedule yet and I didn't make it a point to find time to eat. I guess that's just how I deal with stress, I don't eat. Anyway once I started getting into my routine and got used to working every day and somehow found a way to still fit every other part of my life into my schedule (and managed to find some time to sleep in all of that) I started eating 3 meals a day again so I started going back to my normal weight. I guess it freaked me out a little bit because I was used to being almost unnaturally skinny. Like I said, it's been about 2 weeks and the reason I exercise now is nowhere near why I started. I excercise for my heart and for self-discipline, not because I want to look like a supermodel (like that'll ever happen anyway!). When I'm tired, I run. When I'm depressed, I run. The gym is my place to block everything else in the world out. Running and push-ups and crunches and leg-lifts are my catharsis. I used to look at people who worked out and think, 'I could never make myself do that'. Now I understand. It's not about how I look because I don't think I'll ever be quite satisfied with that (it's the girl in me). It's about the discipline. It's about the health benefits. It's about the feeling I get when I'm done. I LOVE IT!