(no subject)
So Ben actually left yesterday morning. It was very sad. And now Im so very very lonely.
I decided to stay in tonight...and probably every night this week. It's sad and pathetic, but I really don't have much of an interest in doing anything at all with Ben gone. With that said, I've realized these past two days that I have no more friends left. Well, a few but they're all off to college or busy working. And the people Ben and I hang out with are all his friends. I keep wondering if I stopped talking to my friends I had because in the back of my mind, I knew they were leaving and if I indulged myself in one person who was sure to stay here I would avoid getting hurt. I dont know. It's like my cheating habits. I only cheated on most of my ex's to assure myself if he ever hurt me, I would be able to say I hurt him first. Yes, I know, deceptive and pathetic. But in a sick and twisted way, wasn't it clever?...No.
Anyways, I cut my hair off. It's up to my shoulders now. I don't much like it, I think I resemble a twelve year old boy. But it's just hair and it will grow back. Though, it will surely take at least a year to get back the 8 inches I hacked off. Oh well.
I think I'll go sulk now. Or play with my dog. Or something to entertain myself until Saturday.
I decided to stay in tonight...and probably every night this week. It's sad and pathetic, but I really don't have much of an interest in doing anything at all with Ben gone. With that said, I've realized these past two days that I have no more friends left. Well, a few but they're all off to college or busy working. And the people Ben and I hang out with are all his friends. I keep wondering if I stopped talking to my friends I had because in the back of my mind, I knew they were leaving and if I indulged myself in one person who was sure to stay here I would avoid getting hurt. I dont know. It's like my cheating habits. I only cheated on most of my ex's to assure myself if he ever hurt me, I would be able to say I hurt him first. Yes, I know, deceptive and pathetic. But in a sick and twisted way, wasn't it clever?...No.
Anyways, I cut my hair off. It's up to my shoulders now. I don't much like it, I think I resemble a twelve year old boy. But it's just hair and it will grow back. Though, it will surely take at least a year to get back the 8 inches I hacked off. Oh well.
I think I'll go sulk now. Or play with my dog. Or something to entertain myself until Saturday.