Just another post
Well i dont know what to think or do because it seems like everytime i do something right, things screw up. I have no idea how to feel because all i feel like a drone. right now i am being nice to everyone because i dont know how to act.
I am sick and tired of being everyone's friend sometimes because in the end it just gets me in trouble whenever i tell the truth or say how i feel. I lost so much, and I dont know what else I am going to lose right now.
I was in the hospital last nite and I did a lot of thinking and I realized that all i feel like a thrid wheel. I see everyone else with someone and believe me it makes me feel like crap. Because I see others with people that they care about and i think why cant i have that. Last time I thought about saying nothing at all and just living with myself.
Whenever I find someone I like, it always ends up just being friends because they have found someone else that they can care about more or the fact that there is something about them that I cannot see. I dont know what to do at the moment.
I want to be in people's life but how do they want me in their life. I always ask the question why are we still friends because I know that is what we end up being towards each other. please note that this isnt just about one guy its about many.
my head hurts, my body aches, and my heart has no idea how to feel at the moment. I find it so hard just being friends with people at the moment because i am always fucking up and screwing shit up. when i try doing something good, something else has to happen.
I am not going to go anywhere. I have made that promise to a few people that I am not going to leave. at this moment I dont know what is going to happen. I dont know if its going to be good or bad. I dont know what the future is going to hold.
There are a lot of things I feel at the moment and most of it is just feeling lonely. I have had a few days to think of and to myself. Winter, I am glad that you are down here because you are a wonderful person. I can that just by the way u acted last nite. whatsoever has nothing to do with u. Its just me getting out whatever I have thought about in the hospital last nite.
In the last 8 months, I left chris dani and crystal plus many others. Believe me that was one of the hardest things for me to do. They were the only friends I knew for years, besides kelvin. Kelvin is still around and I am glad that he is. I do miss who chris dani and crystal and who they were in the past, but after i realized that we didnt see eye to eye anymore about a lot of things. I am actually glad that I am not with them anymore, not because of what happened, but of because i learned and grew from them what I needed to.
A lot has happened in the last little while that I dont know what to say or tell. just because it has really been a whirlwind experience. To my family it just seems like I have given up. Thing is, I havent, I am trying to figure out what I am trying to do and grow. If that means screwing up than so be it. that is what I will do. I will learn from my mistakes.
I know some people are going to see this as attention seeking behavior but it isnt. I am just saying that I think I need to say and what I need to get out. Everyone has been asking why havent I said anything is because i was scared. I am still scared as shit. I dont care what people think of me anymore. I am sick and tired of being put down and treated like shit, even by my own family.
In all honestly, these last few days, all i feel like doing is giving up on a lot. mostly my heart because all it seems to do is get itself hurt. I do feel like a third wheel because that is just how I feel. I am actually quite at home with that feeling. I am my own person. I am letting out myself and if you dont like it, than get the fuck out of my life. I dont need this shit.
I want to still be friends with people whether if they trust me or not. Whether they see me just as someone they can hang out with or put up with. Whatever. at least I know where my home is. My own heart. if that means I am never with anybody and have my heart given to them than so be it.
that is they way life is meant to be.
You can think about this however u want to think about it. Its just what I have been thinking. I am not always the one you want to be around, and if u do, than I am glad that you are in my life.
TTYL
I am sick and tired of being everyone's friend sometimes because in the end it just gets me in trouble whenever i tell the truth or say how i feel. I lost so much, and I dont know what else I am going to lose right now.
I was in the hospital last nite and I did a lot of thinking and I realized that all i feel like a thrid wheel. I see everyone else with someone and believe me it makes me feel like crap. Because I see others with people that they care about and i think why cant i have that. Last time I thought about saying nothing at all and just living with myself.
Whenever I find someone I like, it always ends up just being friends because they have found someone else that they can care about more or the fact that there is something about them that I cannot see. I dont know what to do at the moment.
I want to be in people's life but how do they want me in their life. I always ask the question why are we still friends because I know that is what we end up being towards each other. please note that this isnt just about one guy its about many.
my head hurts, my body aches, and my heart has no idea how to feel at the moment. I find it so hard just being friends with people at the moment because i am always fucking up and screwing shit up. when i try doing something good, something else has to happen.
I am not going to go anywhere. I have made that promise to a few people that I am not going to leave. at this moment I dont know what is going to happen. I dont know if its going to be good or bad. I dont know what the future is going to hold.
There are a lot of things I feel at the moment and most of it is just feeling lonely. I have had a few days to think of and to myself. Winter, I am glad that you are down here because you are a wonderful person. I can that just by the way u acted last nite. whatsoever has nothing to do with u. Its just me getting out whatever I have thought about in the hospital last nite.
In the last 8 months, I left chris dani and crystal plus many others. Believe me that was one of the hardest things for me to do. They were the only friends I knew for years, besides kelvin. Kelvin is still around and I am glad that he is. I do miss who chris dani and crystal and who they were in the past, but after i realized that we didnt see eye to eye anymore about a lot of things. I am actually glad that I am not with them anymore, not because of what happened, but of because i learned and grew from them what I needed to.
A lot has happened in the last little while that I dont know what to say or tell. just because it has really been a whirlwind experience. To my family it just seems like I have given up. Thing is, I havent, I am trying to figure out what I am trying to do and grow. If that means screwing up than so be it. that is what I will do. I will learn from my mistakes.
I know some people are going to see this as attention seeking behavior but it isnt. I am just saying that I think I need to say and what I need to get out. Everyone has been asking why havent I said anything is because i was scared. I am still scared as shit. I dont care what people think of me anymore. I am sick and tired of being put down and treated like shit, even by my own family.
In all honestly, these last few days, all i feel like doing is giving up on a lot. mostly my heart because all it seems to do is get itself hurt. I do feel like a third wheel because that is just how I feel. I am actually quite at home with that feeling. I am my own person. I am letting out myself and if you dont like it, than get the fuck out of my life. I dont need this shit.
I want to still be friends with people whether if they trust me or not. Whether they see me just as someone they can hang out with or put up with. Whatever. at least I know where my home is. My own heart. if that means I am never with anybody and have my heart given to them than so be it.
that is they way life is meant to be.
You can think about this however u want to think about it. Its just what I have been thinking. I am not always the one you want to be around, and if u do, than I am glad that you are in my life.
TTYL