life is pathetic.

[fatallyy0urs]

I'm all that my mom has, me and my brother. That's all that she has.

all everyone's life boils down to is those people that you "have".

well what if i don't want people.
what if i've made it my goal to not care about anyone too much, and to not care about anyone like that?

i don't want people.

i just want to have surface friends and surface needs and surface everything and not let anything on the inside and just live my life cracking jokes and planning everyone's happiest day of their life. I don't want my own happiest days, I don't want anything but nice clothes and things and a perfect body and a decent education and my dream job and somewhere to go for the holidays and a dog - i want an english bulldog, and that will be the closest thing i have to "people".

I'll pay back all my own bills, i'll buy all of my own shit. I'm almost positive that I don't honestly REALLY want kids. I don't want to be in love ever again. I don't want to rely on anyone.

I can't fix my family.
I can't fix anyone.
No one will ever be perfect and even if they are, then it will be too good to be true and i'll find some way to screw it up.

Just leave me alone.
Honestly, leave me alone.

I don't want to need anyone.

Grandma Jo died two years ago today.
A lot died two years ago today.

I'm only surface happy, because I don't want an inside.
If I had an inside, I would say it's pretty unhappy.