Little Wet Tears
Struggling against our hackers for so very long killed something in me. Some seed of willpower, some want of happiness, some knowledge that I was essentially worth "it", whatever it was.
They are gone now, those two sadistic lonesomes with no sense of fulfillment and an over-active sense of entitlement. Yet, I know that thing in me is dead because it won't flourish, it won't grow again. I've tried, Lord knows I've tried, but where is it?
It's gone because it wasn't the hackers that came between us -- it was us that came between us. At our core, perhaps we are not compatible. I have a hard line against the roving eye, even if it doesn't come with roving hands and other roving parts. He's got a roving eye. I have staunch position on equality. He needs to be cared for or he becomes a mewling child. I gave all I had to get this flight off the ground, sapping my strength and money. He sees no need to return that favor. I gave him a dream job. He shows no gratitude. I poured all I had into turning a man who was in a dead-end life with thoughts of a deadly escape into a man with a bright future and a path to follow. I gave my all, and I don't think there's anything left to give.
Once you empty your bucket, you have to refill it, and that takes time. Someone else has to start emptying their bucket and letting you recuperate before you run back to the well. I haven't been back to the well in so long, and I can never go back now, because I'm busy carrying someone else's bucket.
They are gone now, those two sadistic lonesomes with no sense of fulfillment and an over-active sense of entitlement. Yet, I know that thing in me is dead because it won't flourish, it won't grow again. I've tried, Lord knows I've tried, but where is it?
It's gone because it wasn't the hackers that came between us -- it was us that came between us. At our core, perhaps we are not compatible. I have a hard line against the roving eye, even if it doesn't come with roving hands and other roving parts. He's got a roving eye. I have staunch position on equality. He needs to be cared for or he becomes a mewling child. I gave all I had to get this flight off the ground, sapping my strength and money. He sees no need to return that favor. I gave him a dream job. He shows no gratitude. I poured all I had into turning a man who was in a dead-end life with thoughts of a deadly escape into a man with a bright future and a path to follow. I gave my all, and I don't think there's anything left to give.
Once you empty your bucket, you have to refill it, and that takes time. Someone else has to start emptying their bucket and letting you recuperate before you run back to the well. I haven't been back to the well in so long, and I can never go back now, because I'm busy carrying someone else's bucket.