i'm crabby so crabby

[fat_titude]

i just came from a party full of people and i felt completely alone. it sucks. i can't drink anymore because it makes me incredibly sick and without it i can't function socially. and my feelings are hurt and it blows and i'm tired and i can't stand it but i can't sleep because of a three day tension headache.
i feel mean and lonely and stuck. and i don't want to spend my whole summer in saginaw. and i'm stressed about building clientele and i feel like i just can't breathe. and i'm so stressed about making money so i can move again that it's all i think about.
ugh i hate tension and i hat tiffs and i miss stuff. just stuff. some times things just break for no reason. goddamn it.
and i've never been the kind of girl that needed a boyfriend but i really want one, just right now. i want to be held and i want somebody to be nice to me. i'm also sick of being a dude. i'm such a dude. all my friends are guys and they treat me like a guy, which is nice because it means they respect me but i'm still a girl and i want to be told i'm pretty and shit, god.
and i feel insanely guilty about forgetting father's day.
and i want my driver's license so fucking bad but i need help and i don't want to be a burden on anyone and i feel like no one has time, but i also feel like bumming rides all the time is fucking selfish.
i'm crazy unhappy and i haven't written in livejournal for like two years and now i am and i'm crying and being pitiful. and showing a side of me that i never ever show because i'm too tired to care if people see me vulnerable. i'm tired of being a tough guy. and i hate when people post things like this and i always make fun but sometimes it feels good to vent in a shitty passive aggressive way. this is all embarassing.

p.s. my hair looks like ass. and yesterday i ate a whole casserole.