hmmm...
i am feeling a lot better.. im at a point where im just trying to understand what has happened.. and why? i mean.. can someone's feelings really change that drastically in a matter of weeks? do i still think i did the right thing? i dont know.. he's experiencing life.. and new people.. so maybe i did.. idk.. i still wish i could be there.. but its too much for me to deal with..
my hurt is changing too.. its more manageable now.. but i still miss it.. i never realized how good i was at shutting myself down from feeling things.. i mean.. im really good at it.. im not bragging.. i know thats not a good thing.. it sucks.. but i know ive always done that..
if i felt something that wasnt practical then i didnt deal with it.. wasted emotions i thought.. im trying to learn to manage my feelings as i feel them.. to just let myself go through the experience... hurt and loss are things ive always known.. but I havnt let myslf feel anything associated with them.. not since i was little anyways..
im learning though.. im sad a little.. and thats ok.. i can let myself be sad.. and that's ok..
how crazy.. it seems like such a basic concept i know.. but to me its new territory.. experiencing my feelings... whoa.. what a mind trip.. what a heart trip...
maybe this is happening for the better.. i dont know what could happen down the line.. but im trying to trust that it will be to my benefit.. and that ill be happy because of it.. and when it happens.. when i get to the place im supposed to be at.. after all of this.. and i am happy finally.. ill be able to let myself feel it..
i win
my hurt is changing too.. its more manageable now.. but i still miss it.. i never realized how good i was at shutting myself down from feeling things.. i mean.. im really good at it.. im not bragging.. i know thats not a good thing.. it sucks.. but i know ive always done that..
if i felt something that wasnt practical then i didnt deal with it.. wasted emotions i thought.. im trying to learn to manage my feelings as i feel them.. to just let myself go through the experience... hurt and loss are things ive always known.. but I havnt let myslf feel anything associated with them.. not since i was little anyways..
im learning though.. im sad a little.. and thats ok.. i can let myself be sad.. and that's ok..
how crazy.. it seems like such a basic concept i know.. but to me its new territory.. experiencing my feelings... whoa.. what a mind trip.. what a heart trip...
maybe this is happening for the better.. i dont know what could happen down the line.. but im trying to trust that it will be to my benefit.. and that ill be happy because of it.. and when it happens.. when i get to the place im supposed to be at.. after all of this.. and i am happy finally.. ill be able to let myself feel it..
i win