its 10:45 in the morning.
i despise waking up all alone.
to an empty house.
and then leaving alone.
driving to a job where i feel alone.
though im bumbarded by my fellow "men"
i speak.
but i rarely say anything.
resisting the idea of "real" contact.
they like me.
i am nice.
to everyone.
even those i find intolerable.
i am still nice.
i am helpful, i take initiative.
they like that.
they are all friends.
not me.
somehow i manage to be just polite enough,
smile at just the right times,
say what they want to hear...
just enough to make them happy.
satisfied.
not seeking more...from me.
i am a face.
.
and im not even good for that.
i used to be decent.
now i feel ive lost all self worth.
.
im alive.
i can feel the wind on my face.
smell the stale coffee across the room.
there is dirt under my fingernails.
i must be alive.
.
i think i need to change things.
but i dont belive i will.
how can i?
.
(i cant wait to get home and see you stephen.)
to an empty house.
and then leaving alone.
driving to a job where i feel alone.
though im bumbarded by my fellow "men"
i speak.
but i rarely say anything.
resisting the idea of "real" contact.
they like me.
i am nice.
to everyone.
even those i find intolerable.
i am still nice.
i am helpful, i take initiative.
they like that.
they are all friends.
not me.
somehow i manage to be just polite enough,
smile at just the right times,
say what they want to hear...
just enough to make them happy.
satisfied.
not seeking more...from me.
i am a face.
.
and im not even good for that.
i used to be decent.
now i feel ive lost all self worth.
.
im alive.
i can feel the wind on my face.
smell the stale coffee across the room.
there is dirt under my fingernails.
i must be alive.
.
i think i need to change things.
but i dont belive i will.
how can i?
.
(i cant wait to get home and see you stephen.)