Welcome to Patras, Greece.
And I'm going to blog! =)
I'm in Greece. Patras, to be exact. It's about a 2 1/2 hour drive west of Athens, which is where I flew into two weeks ago. It's been a whirlwind since I've been here, and everyone is taking great care of me. Coach Nikos, his wife and my catcher, Sasha... I get delivered lunch every day at my own apartment (pretty neat!), and I go out for coffee with a couple girls in the afternoons, usually Pemy and Eleni, and William, our "assistant coach". He plays baseball for the Panthers, and is half British, so his english is excellent. Eleni's is pretty good too. Me and Pemy talk in Spanish sometimes, because her spanish is better than her english and I know a bit of spanish as well. It's fun. =)
The Slovenians (three of them: Savina, Gabi, and Tjasa) left two days ago... They came down for the first two weekends of games, and are (hopefully) coming back for playoffs in a few weeks. I really enjoyed their company, Savina especially. She reminds me of me 10 years ago. The 16 year old me who was the first to jump in freezing cold water if someone dared her to, who laughed all the time and made other people laugh, who introduced herself to complete strangers and who wasn't afraid to take risks. She's older than I am, Savina, but she's young at heart. I stalked her a bit on FB and she has volunteered in Africa, health and AIDS and building homes. She loves to travel, backpack, hike, climb, whatever. I want to live her life. They camp on the roads at night. The drive back to Slovenia for them was 20 hours, and it was no big deal. They love it. They wanted me to come with them, and GOD I wanted to, but I have responsibilities here.
I feel like that has become me. Responsibilities. Real or imagined. The job that I don't have that I have to get because I'm not good enough for my girlfriend if I don't. Having to stay near home because I love my parents and the rest of the kids have moved on with their lives, whether they live at home or not, and forgotten about them. Watching my diet, because of health issues. Trying to figure out a relationship that has been rocky since the start, putting all of my love and effort in and receiving basically nothing I need in return. The only thing I have left that makes me happy is softball, and even that is a responsibility now, running a team, trying to make other people happy.
What happened to that 16 year old who smiled and laughed and wanted nothing more than to be the center of attention, just so she could make other people realize it's okay to BE and HAVE FUN? Hell, what happened to that 22 year old who (despite her tempestuous personal life) went with the flow? Lived day to day, week to week, and said, What? Road trip? I think yes! The girl who made people want to be around her, the girl who, though she hasn't really liked herself since she was 16 (truth), honestly believed that OTHER PEOPLE genuinely liked her.
I feel that girl has been stamped out. Crushed by the world, by family and relationships and RESPONSIBILITIES until there was nothing left but this Kim who is afraid to take chances. Who WANTS to take chances, kiss someone in the heat of the moment, feel WANTED and DESIRABLE, go on a last-minute camping trip with near-strangers that make her laugh, not be afraid of the future.
You don't have a bad gig, Kim. You live a good life, traveling and getting paid to do what you're good at (the only thing you're good at). You shouldn't let other people tell you it's a waste of a life. YOU are the reason they get to experience the things they do, go the places they've gone. If you are happy (YOU, not other people, if YOU are happy), don't let them bring you down.
Easier said than done.
The tone of this entry changed a bit.. I wasn't expecting all that. Must be heavier on my ("broad, broad" says Savina) shoulders than I thought. Happy birthday to me.
I'm in Greece. Patras, to be exact. It's about a 2 1/2 hour drive west of Athens, which is where I flew into two weeks ago. It's been a whirlwind since I've been here, and everyone is taking great care of me. Coach Nikos, his wife and my catcher, Sasha... I get delivered lunch every day at my own apartment (pretty neat!), and I go out for coffee with a couple girls in the afternoons, usually Pemy and Eleni, and William, our "assistant coach". He plays baseball for the Panthers, and is half British, so his english is excellent. Eleni's is pretty good too. Me and Pemy talk in Spanish sometimes, because her spanish is better than her english and I know a bit of spanish as well. It's fun. =)
The Slovenians (three of them: Savina, Gabi, and Tjasa) left two days ago... They came down for the first two weekends of games, and are (hopefully) coming back for playoffs in a few weeks. I really enjoyed their company, Savina especially. She reminds me of me 10 years ago. The 16 year old me who was the first to jump in freezing cold water if someone dared her to, who laughed all the time and made other people laugh, who introduced herself to complete strangers and who wasn't afraid to take risks. She's older than I am, Savina, but she's young at heart. I stalked her a bit on FB and she has volunteered in Africa, health and AIDS and building homes. She loves to travel, backpack, hike, climb, whatever. I want to live her life. They camp on the roads at night. The drive back to Slovenia for them was 20 hours, and it was no big deal. They love it. They wanted me to come with them, and GOD I wanted to, but I have responsibilities here.
I feel like that has become me. Responsibilities. Real or imagined. The job that I don't have that I have to get because I'm not good enough for my girlfriend if I don't. Having to stay near home because I love my parents and the rest of the kids have moved on with their lives, whether they live at home or not, and forgotten about them. Watching my diet, because of health issues. Trying to figure out a relationship that has been rocky since the start, putting all of my love and effort in and receiving basically nothing I need in return. The only thing I have left that makes me happy is softball, and even that is a responsibility now, running a team, trying to make other people happy.
What happened to that 16 year old who smiled and laughed and wanted nothing more than to be the center of attention, just so she could make other people realize it's okay to BE and HAVE FUN? Hell, what happened to that 22 year old who (despite her tempestuous personal life) went with the flow? Lived day to day, week to week, and said, What? Road trip? I think yes! The girl who made people want to be around her, the girl who, though she hasn't really liked herself since she was 16 (truth), honestly believed that OTHER PEOPLE genuinely liked her.
I feel that girl has been stamped out. Crushed by the world, by family and relationships and RESPONSIBILITIES until there was nothing left but this Kim who is afraid to take chances. Who WANTS to take chances, kiss someone in the heat of the moment, feel WANTED and DESIRABLE, go on a last-minute camping trip with near-strangers that make her laugh, not be afraid of the future.
You don't have a bad gig, Kim. You live a good life, traveling and getting paid to do what you're good at (the only thing you're good at). You shouldn't let other people tell you it's a waste of a life. YOU are the reason they get to experience the things they do, go the places they've gone. If you are happy (YOU, not other people, if YOU are happy), don't let them bring you down.
Easier said than done.
The tone of this entry changed a bit.. I wasn't expecting all that. Must be heavier on my ("broad, broad" says Savina) shoulders than I thought. Happy birthday to me.