(no subject)
I am seeing my boyfriend in a little over a month, so I feel like going into crazy weight loss mode. I am going to post about it here, because I don't want to write anything in a notebook he or someone might eventually find and read. I weigh 134 and want to weigh 120. I doubt I can lose that much in a month. I am dieting and exercising the healthy way, and if I lose 2 lbs per week, that would put me at a 12 pound loss. Actually, this might be doable if I work hard. I bought a rebounder recently which is like a mini trampoline except less bouncy. It is a really fun exercise. I wish I had a heart rate monitor so I could see how many calories I burned. I guess I could get one, though I am obsessing lately about spending money. Maybe I will think about it for a few days. I bought a trainer for my bicycle that is being delivered on Tuesday. I guess I will give myself until Tuesday to decide whether the heart rate monitor is worth it or not. My biggest obstacle to this effort will be my drinking problem. Drinking is a lot of calories, and my preference for beer probably doesn't help, either, since beer also has a lot of carbs. I guess I will try not to weigh myself until next Thursday morning and work really hard and hope to see at least a 2lb weight loss. When I weigh myself constantly, I obsess over things like fluid intake, and it also exacerbates my problem with bulimia because if I weigh myself after a meal and it's higher than the number I want to see, I am more likely to purge and try to get back to the weight I was before I ate the meal, or slightly lower. I don't want to be bulimic anymore. I want to be healthy and fit. My ideal weight is 115 and my dream weight is 105. I have gotten close to that number but wasn't being healthy at all. I'm going to accept 120 as a realistic weight and just try to get there with a lot of exercise and dieting by the end of this month. I guess I will set a goal to not drink for this week. I get slight withdrawal symptoms which are unpleasant to deal with, and those should be over if I can quit for a week. This goal is really important to me, so I'm going to make a really solid effort. I had 3 eggs for breakfast, which I guess is about 210 calories. I plan to have a soup for lunch and tuna and cottage cheese for dinner. I just added the calories up, and it's a little on the low side at 770, so if I get hungry later on, I guess I'll figure out something to add that is not beer. Just not drinking today is going to be hard, so I am not sure how I am going to manage this week... I guess maybe I will get a library book and read it if I can't sleep. I expect a few days of extreme insomnia, even though i have medication prescribed for sleep. My boyfriend has a serious drinking problem also, so I need to quit for him before he moves back to be with me.