I wantt...
I want what I can not have. I want something that I have not seen since October and before then it was a year and 2 months, and I need to forget about it. But I get this feeling and it's like an adrenaline rush, and butterflies, and it's just so nice when seeing this something. I will, for sure, see this something in August, but it's one of those things that you don't want to wait for ya know? You just want to have it all the time. And I know it gets annoying after awhile, to others if i talk about it a lot, but I am sorry. But it is one of those things that you can not forget, and it just makes you so happy, and you just want it all the time. And then I think back to those times when I've had this something, what if I did this different, what if this happened, what if I had acted like this, what if...
And I hate thinking what if, it just makes me so uneasy with myself. It's just one of those things, I guess. I really don't know if I am making any sense, if I am let me know, please. And I would tell you what this something was but I don't know who reads this. Ask me and I will tell you, and I can actually explain better what I am feeling. Anyway, I hate feeling like this because I feel like I am a little kid, and I am so young and immature to be feeling these feelings. I want to forget but I cant, it's such a challenge for me. And it will be even worse when the first day I see this something I have a bet against it and have to ignore it, what a challenge. I think that this might help me though. I could be wrong and not keep the bet at all and have to owe $5 to someone. It might be worth $5.
Oh I am making no sense. sorry.
<3