My Only Escape.
I've been realizing alot of stuff lately. like....shitty but truthfull stuff.
1)I realized how im finally growing up and that i have to start taking full responsibility for shit and that life isnt a game anymore. Is either you take a hold of it now or never. Im tired of people being so iresponsible about shit. like everyone is pissing me off. example today. we were suppose to have band practice and shit but noooooo my fucking guitarist had to go and fuck everything up. i swear if this happens again im quitting the band i cant put up with shit like this anymore. ever since i joined the band everything has been just retarded. Why? because im the one who has to push everyone to do shit and im the only dedicated enough person to think shit through before it happens. the show we played at back doors. the show was fun but it sounded like fucking ass you know why. because my fucking singer didnt get to practice because kevin's retarded ass broke his amp and needed krus, second. my band fought everyday of the fucking week. 3rd i was part of the band for a week before we played the show. 4th the band almost broke up an hour before the show. why because of kevin's fucking iresponsibility. fucking he got into a fight with kru and then there was fucking people yelling left and right. of course i wasnt doing anything i was just sitting back and relaxing. but before everyone killed eachother i jumped in and had to fix everything. i dont like how fucking kevin waits till last fucking minute to figure shit out. like seriously. 'its fucking retarded.
2) Im tired of fucking retarded people. everyone is pissing me off except a few people (Mike,Alex,Poly,Chris and Ben) i love this guys. specialy Mike. he has been my best friend forever and shit and i just love him so much because he knows the right times to be mature and the right times to have fun. To tell you the truth. I look up to Mike. he is like that brother i never had. He is smart. funny. awesome. and he is there for me. i dont know what i would do without him. like seriously. i never really got a chance to tell him. but when i went to see my sister graduation.....i started crying when i heard mikes name. i was proud of him of course but i at the same time i felt like that was going to tear us apart because he is going to be in college and shit and im still in fucking highschool. like when he starts going to meet new older people he wont want to hang out with me. but idk im afraid to lose him. he is seriously the best friend i ever had.
3) i've realized how big of an asshole i am. like i sat down and thought about it. i dont deserve to have friends for how big of an asshole i've been to alot of them. like seriosly i was asking my friends yesterday why do they like me so much and they just said cuz ur cool but i dont see my self as cool i see my self as a complete asshole. like i just want someone to come up to me and put a bullet in my head. i swear i totally deserve that.
I dont know. i guess its time to take my life seriously and stop fucking around.
1)I realized how im finally growing up and that i have to start taking full responsibility for shit and that life isnt a game anymore. Is either you take a hold of it now or never. Im tired of people being so iresponsible about shit. like everyone is pissing me off. example today. we were suppose to have band practice and shit but noooooo my fucking guitarist had to go and fuck everything up. i swear if this happens again im quitting the band i cant put up with shit like this anymore. ever since i joined the band everything has been just retarded. Why? because im the one who has to push everyone to do shit and im the only dedicated enough person to think shit through before it happens. the show we played at back doors. the show was fun but it sounded like fucking ass you know why. because my fucking singer didnt get to practice because kevin's retarded ass broke his amp and needed krus, second. my band fought everyday of the fucking week. 3rd i was part of the band for a week before we played the show. 4th the band almost broke up an hour before the show. why because of kevin's fucking iresponsibility. fucking he got into a fight with kru and then there was fucking people yelling left and right. of course i wasnt doing anything i was just sitting back and relaxing. but before everyone killed eachother i jumped in and had to fix everything. i dont like how fucking kevin waits till last fucking minute to figure shit out. like seriously. 'its fucking retarded.
2) Im tired of fucking retarded people. everyone is pissing me off except a few people (Mike,Alex,Poly,Chris and Ben) i love this guys. specialy Mike. he has been my best friend forever and shit and i just love him so much because he knows the right times to be mature and the right times to have fun. To tell you the truth. I look up to Mike. he is like that brother i never had. He is smart. funny. awesome. and he is there for me. i dont know what i would do without him. like seriously. i never really got a chance to tell him. but when i went to see my sister graduation.....i started crying when i heard mikes name. i was proud of him of course but i at the same time i felt like that was going to tear us apart because he is going to be in college and shit and im still in fucking highschool. like when he starts going to meet new older people he wont want to hang out with me. but idk im afraid to lose him. he is seriously the best friend i ever had.
3) i've realized how big of an asshole i am. like i sat down and thought about it. i dont deserve to have friends for how big of an asshole i've been to alot of them. like seriosly i was asking my friends yesterday why do they like me so much and they just said cuz ur cool but i dont see my self as cool i see my self as a complete asshole. like i just want someone to come up to me and put a bullet in my head. i swear i totally deserve that.
I dont know. i guess its time to take my life seriously and stop fucking around.