High-Noon at Kroger : A Dramatic Confrontation (Memoir)
Ever had that feeling like you’re looking down the barrel of a gun? Ever felt your life flashing before your eyes as you took a deep breath and braced for the end? Let me tell you about the day I almost died in the grocery store.
It was a rather temperate day in May as I arrived at my local Kroger. I walked in coupon in hand and grabbed a cart not at all expecting that this day could have been my last. I walked into the baked goods aisle and grabbed a can of pirouette cookies for my grandmother. Realizing they were a bit expensive, I dug through my wallet making sure I had enough. As I searched, I came across a coupon for five free 2-liter bottles of Coca-Cola that I had nearly forgotten about. I smiled and pushed my squeaky wobbly cart towards the beverage aisle.
I turned the corner, entering into a long canyon with walls made of stacked cardboard boxes. I carefully navigated down the desolate aisle, avoiding the display stands that jutted out from the ordinarily smooth walls. As I neared the middle, I stopped in front of the Coca-Cola products and began contemplating which refreshing beverages I should choose. I began carefully reaching for bottles and stacking them in my cart.
Suddenly, i felt the floor tremble beneath my feet. It rumbled once, then again, then again. I watched with the liquid in the bottles ripple dramatically as my horrified reaction was mirrored in the curved plastic. I placed the fifth bottle in my cart and turned to look at the source of these loud stomping noises, surprised to be staring at the largest man i've ever seen in my life. He had to be at least seven and a half feet tall, easily dwarfing my 5'6" self. I stared up into his menacing black eyes as he looked down and loudly boomed, "You KNOW there's a limit, right?!"
I looked down at the lowly number of bottles lying at the bottom of the otherwise empty cart. My confusion was evident as i looked back up at all 400 lbs of him him and declared, "But.. I'm only getting five..."
"Well, you can only get four!" his deep thunderous voice echoed. I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, puzzled. I noticed his silvery grey shirt was trimmed in red and had the Coca-Cola logo embroidered on it. He had been pulling a large flatbed behind him loaded with 12-packs, which was now resting carelessly across the empty aisle, barring the path behind him.
I held out my shaky hand saying, "but.. i have a coupon," presenting it to him. "It says that i can get five free 2-liters.." His mouth was now drawn tightly together in a rather menacing looking frown, and his brows sank further with every sentence. He didn't break eye contact. He didn't even look down at the coupon that i held timidly in front of him.
"It's EXPIRED," he roared as he leaned menacingly towards me. I shrank back a little in fear and tensed up defensively as i prepared to challenge him.
"No... it says here it expires August 31st," I said, steeling my resolve. "It doesn't expire for another few months." I became less afraid of him and more annoyed that he didn't look at the coupon. I stared at him in disbelief.
Passion flared up in his eyes and they black beads burned with a dark intensity. He squinted and asked, "are you calling ME a LIAR?" I froze unsure of what to do and how to neutralize the situation. If there was one thing i didn't need, it was this large, hulking dinosaur of a man staring down at me hungrily, trying to pick a fight. I took a deep breath.
"No sir. I'm just saying that there isn't a limit and that it's not expired." He froze for a moment. I could feel his blood boiling and hear the steam coming out of his ears. I could see a vein bulging from his sweaty forehead as he towered above me.
"ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?" he demanded furiously. I took a step back and grimaced as i felt my face enveloped in his musty breath. I looked quickly behind me and realized that there was no one else in the aisle.
We were alone in the canyon, each challenging the other to a duel. We were standing far closer than ten paces from each other, and it would have seemed apropriate had a tumbleweed blown across the aisle between us. I assumed that the reason there were no onlookers was because they had all dived into nearby windows of saloons for safety. And with good reason, as both of us surely had our hands near our holsters ready for the duel. Realizing i was alone in this, i decided to do the honorable thing. I stood proudly and defiantly as i reached for my metaphorical gun and pulled the trigger.
"Yes sir, I am calling you a liar," i proclaimed. With only silence opposing it, my voice echoed the shot clearly throughout the canyon. We stood frozen in the moment as i considered what i had just done. I had just put my very life on the line for an ideal. I had just decided that i was not for any reason going to let someone larger than me tell me i couldn't have something i knew damn well i could. I had just called someone more than twice my size a liar to their face and was now going to pay the price.
He stared at me angrily for a few moments, then his face softened into a smile. He smiled at me for a second, shook his head, and then started laughing hysterically. This freaked me out as i had been expecting him to fly into a violent rage and kill me. Not knowing what to do i stood there confused. He laughed harder and harder, leaning over, hands on knees to remain standing. As his laughter exploded in loud bursts that must have carried halfway across the store until finally, it came to an end.
He took one more breath, stared curiously at me and said, "You are one tough little shit. Most people don't stand up to me like that. They just put everything back quickly and run away." He put his hand out in friendship, and i shook it gladly. Suddenly, he was no longer terrifying, but a rather jolly outgoing guy instead. We talked for a few minutes about how proud of me he was for being the first one to stand up to him as he began stocking the shelves. We said our goodbyes and i headed proudly to the checkout line with all five bottles in my cart and the coupon in my hand.
It was a rather temperate day in May as I arrived at my local Kroger. I walked in coupon in hand and grabbed a cart not at all expecting that this day could have been my last. I walked into the baked goods aisle and grabbed a can of pirouette cookies for my grandmother. Realizing they were a bit expensive, I dug through my wallet making sure I had enough. As I searched, I came across a coupon for five free 2-liter bottles of Coca-Cola that I had nearly forgotten about. I smiled and pushed my squeaky wobbly cart towards the beverage aisle.
I turned the corner, entering into a long canyon with walls made of stacked cardboard boxes. I carefully navigated down the desolate aisle, avoiding the display stands that jutted out from the ordinarily smooth walls. As I neared the middle, I stopped in front of the Coca-Cola products and began contemplating which refreshing beverages I should choose. I began carefully reaching for bottles and stacking them in my cart.
Suddenly, i felt the floor tremble beneath my feet. It rumbled once, then again, then again. I watched with the liquid in the bottles ripple dramatically as my horrified reaction was mirrored in the curved plastic. I placed the fifth bottle in my cart and turned to look at the source of these loud stomping noises, surprised to be staring at the largest man i've ever seen in my life. He had to be at least seven and a half feet tall, easily dwarfing my 5'6" self. I stared up into his menacing black eyes as he looked down and loudly boomed, "You KNOW there's a limit, right?!"
I looked down at the lowly number of bottles lying at the bottom of the otherwise empty cart. My confusion was evident as i looked back up at all 400 lbs of him him and declared, "But.. I'm only getting five..."
"Well, you can only get four!" his deep thunderous voice echoed. I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, puzzled. I noticed his silvery grey shirt was trimmed in red and had the Coca-Cola logo embroidered on it. He had been pulling a large flatbed behind him loaded with 12-packs, which was now resting carelessly across the empty aisle, barring the path behind him.
I held out my shaky hand saying, "but.. i have a coupon," presenting it to him. "It says that i can get five free 2-liters.." His mouth was now drawn tightly together in a rather menacing looking frown, and his brows sank further with every sentence. He didn't break eye contact. He didn't even look down at the coupon that i held timidly in front of him.
"It's EXPIRED," he roared as he leaned menacingly towards me. I shrank back a little in fear and tensed up defensively as i prepared to challenge him.
"No... it says here it expires August 31st," I said, steeling my resolve. "It doesn't expire for another few months." I became less afraid of him and more annoyed that he didn't look at the coupon. I stared at him in disbelief.
Passion flared up in his eyes and they black beads burned with a dark intensity. He squinted and asked, "are you calling ME a LIAR?" I froze unsure of what to do and how to neutralize the situation. If there was one thing i didn't need, it was this large, hulking dinosaur of a man staring down at me hungrily, trying to pick a fight. I took a deep breath.
"No sir. I'm just saying that there isn't a limit and that it's not expired." He froze for a moment. I could feel his blood boiling and hear the steam coming out of his ears. I could see a vein bulging from his sweaty forehead as he towered above me.
"ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?" he demanded furiously. I took a step back and grimaced as i felt my face enveloped in his musty breath. I looked quickly behind me and realized that there was no one else in the aisle.
We were alone in the canyon, each challenging the other to a duel. We were standing far closer than ten paces from each other, and it would have seemed apropriate had a tumbleweed blown across the aisle between us. I assumed that the reason there were no onlookers was because they had all dived into nearby windows of saloons for safety. And with good reason, as both of us surely had our hands near our holsters ready for the duel. Realizing i was alone in this, i decided to do the honorable thing. I stood proudly and defiantly as i reached for my metaphorical gun and pulled the trigger.
"Yes sir, I am calling you a liar," i proclaimed. With only silence opposing it, my voice echoed the shot clearly throughout the canyon. We stood frozen in the moment as i considered what i had just done. I had just put my very life on the line for an ideal. I had just decided that i was not for any reason going to let someone larger than me tell me i couldn't have something i knew damn well i could. I had just called someone more than twice my size a liar to their face and was now going to pay the price.
He stared at me angrily for a few moments, then his face softened into a smile. He smiled at me for a second, shook his head, and then started laughing hysterically. This freaked me out as i had been expecting him to fly into a violent rage and kill me. Not knowing what to do i stood there confused. He laughed harder and harder, leaning over, hands on knees to remain standing. As his laughter exploded in loud bursts that must have carried halfway across the store until finally, it came to an end.
He took one more breath, stared curiously at me and said, "You are one tough little shit. Most people don't stand up to me like that. They just put everything back quickly and run away." He put his hand out in friendship, and i shook it gladly. Suddenly, he was no longer terrifying, but a rather jolly outgoing guy instead. We talked for a few minutes about how proud of me he was for being the first one to stand up to him as he began stocking the shelves. We said our goodbyes and i headed proudly to the checkout line with all five bottles in my cart and the coupon in my hand.