Title: Revertigo
Wordcount: ~2300
Rating: PG for language and violence towards a ghoul
Pairing(s): pre-Dean/Cas, past-Dean/OMC
Genre: humor
Beta(s):
greenelysiumNotes:
ms_pao_pao left the following prompt at
d_hearts_c: Case-fic where they have to work together with Dean's Ex-boyfriend. Sam's surprised, Bobby doesn't say anything and Cas is...a very unhappy angel of the Lord. In whole case investigation Cas goes very territorial and alpha-male over Dean. I loved the prompt and started having ideas, but then RL happened and I didn't take it.
sarkywoman took it and wrote the wonderful
Chain of Balam. Then I wrote mine anyway and
sarkywoman very graciously told me to post away, so here it is. Don't forget to read Chain of Balam, because, not only is it a WONDERFUL fic, I find it very interesting that the same prompt gave way to two fics that are almost the opposite of each other. :)
Disclaimer: Not mine. The word "revertigo" belongs to the creators of HIMYM.
Summary: In which Dean suffers from a severe case of revertigo, Sam has no idea what's going on, Cas is a bitch, Bobby is too old for this shit, someone is a chatty drunk and a ghoul gets caught in the middle.
BTW, I have a backstory for Dean/Josh. Would people be interested if I wrote it?
There's a ghoul in Sioux Falls.
Which is not that bad, since it means they don't have to stay in motels and instead just abuse Bobby's hospitality once again (Bobby's words, not theirs).
Sam and Dean, with Cas keeping them company, are trying to figure out its MO, when Bobby walks in the kitchen talking on his phone, seemingly pleased.
"Tomorrow morning then, right?" he says into the receiver. "It'll be good seeing you again. 'Till tomorrow, then." He hangs up the phone and turns to the brothers. "An old friend has been hunting that ghoul over several states for weeks now and when he figured it was here, he called me. Says he's arriving tomorrow."
"Cool."
Dean nods and stands up to go to the fridge.
"Yeah," he says. "If he's been hunting it for that long, he probably knows enough that we don't need anymore of this research." He grins at the cold beer he just took from the fridge and slumps back on the chair. "Surprise holiday!"
Sam rolls his eyes, but Bobby seems oddly amused.
"You know him already, Dean."
"Yeah?"
"Yup. You went on a long hunt with him and your dad back in '98." Bobby pauses and watches as Dean takes a gulp of his beer, looking pensive. "Josh Davis. Do you remember him, Dean?"
Dean chokes on his beer.
Sam jumps to pat Dean on his back, worried as his brother turns a scary shade of purple. To Sam's surprise Cas, instead of helping, is just staring at Dean, while Bobby looks amused.
"Thanks a bunch, Cas!" Dean manages to wheeze out when he can finally breathe again.
"You weren't in any immediate danger."
Dean glares at Cas, but, much to Sam's amazement, doesn't even look at Bobby, who is snickering, looking more amused than the situation warrants. Cas is still giving Dean the same calculating look. After years of seeing Cas stare at his brother, Sam can easily catalogue each of Cas' looks, but this is a new one and frankly is making Sam more than a little uncomfortable.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning Sam walks past Dean in the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffee. And then he stops and does a double take.
"Is that a new shirt?" he asks him.
"What? No! I've had this shirt forever." Dean isn't even looking at him. Cas, standing at the threshold, is staring at him in that new, even more unnerving way.
"Uh, no, you haven't."
"I bought it in that thrift store two towns over"
The shirt is dark green and well fitted, made of thin, but strong fabric. High thread count, Sam figures.
"No way did you buy that shirt in a thrift store." Sam thinks it's weird Dean is using a new fancy shirt to go on a hunt. "Did… did you bathe in aftershave?"
Dean rolls his eyes and pushes a cup of coffee into Sam's hands without answering, when there's a knock at the door. Bobby gets up from his desk to get it.
"Josh!" they hear Bobby say.
"Bobbeh, my man!" Comes the answering voice, hoarse and amused, together with the sound of hard back clapping.
Bobby walks into the kitchen with Josh, a man in his early forties almost as tall as Sam. His face is tanned and full of laugh-lines, with a small half-moon shaped scar near his left eye and Sam can't tell if his hair is blond, grey or sun bleached.
"This is Josh," says Bobby. "Josh, that's Sam, Cas and Dean you already know."
"Sam." Josh gives Sam a firm hand-shaking while smiling pleasantly. "Dean! Looking good."
"Hmmm." Dean nods at him. "Yeah, you too."
"And you must be the angel!" He turns to Cas and extends him his hand. "Man, I could hardly believe it when Bobby told me."
Cas looks down at Josh's hand and, instead of shaking it, like he already knows how to, he just looks back up and stares at him. Josh stays with his hand held up for a fraction of a second, before letting it fall awkwardly. He clears his throat.
"So, are we ready to gank a ghoul, then?" He takes a file from his duffel bag. "By the way, Bobby: you don't mind if I leave my board here when we go after it, do you?"
"You still surf?" Dean asks, his voice unusually soft.
"Yeah, of course."
"And you still drive the M151?"
"Why change a good thing, yeah?" Josh grins and winks at Dean, who snorts.
"Yeah."
"How do we know he's not the ghoul?" Cas asks, very deliberately looking away from Josh. They all gawk at him.
"What?" Josh looks just as surprised. "And how do I know you're not the ghoul?"
"Because I'm an angel and any ghoul would cease to exist the moment it tried to feed of me, obviously."
"Obviously."
"Okay…" Sam steps between the both of them and tries to give Cas a 'what the hell, man?' -look, only to have him tilt his head at him. "Cas, didn't you need to go back to Heaven and take care of things?"
"I've learned that delegating is a very effective technique in leadership. It teaches those who work under you responsibilities. I believe it's better if I stay and help."
"Yeah, we really don't need your help. We're already four hunters," Josh says, from where he's leaning against the wall, looking down at Cas.
"I insist."
"Ghoul?" Bobby asks, waving Josh's file. "Where do you think it's hiding?"
Josh blinks.
"Right, right… Maybe the outskirts of the town?"
"I believe it's more likely to be hiding in an abandoned building in the middle of town, where it's easier to get prey," Cas suggests, debunking it right away, which somehow doesn't surprise anyone, let alone Josh.
But, as much as Sam feels sorry for Josh, he has to agree with Cas and so does Bobby. Dean, on the other hand, does the weirdest, most non-committal shoulder shrug and head shake possible.
Sam is starting to think that if anyone there is the ghoul, it's Dean.
"Any info on the ghoul's latest victim?" asks Bobby. "It's probably mimicking the victim's rut."
"Some kid, nineteen years-old," Josh answers. "A computer nerd."
Bobby taps with his finger on a point in Sioux Falls' map: an abandoned electronics store.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sure enough, just half an hour after the five of them came barging in the abandoned store, they find themselves with a scrawny, pimply-looking ghoul tied to a chair.
"FML," it says in a high-pitched voice.
"Now we just need to chop its head off," says Josh.
"Destroying its head would be more effective," Cas counter-acts.
"I've been chasing ghouls all my life. Believe me when I tell you that chopping it off works just fine."
"May I suggest a dagger to my heart?"
The five of them turn to stare at the ghoul.
"That doesn't work against your kind," Cas points out.
"Well, I didn't know you'd know that. It was worth a shot."
Cas ignores the ghoul and turns his attention back at Josh.
"I've existed before existence itself. Believe me when I tell you that my knowledge goes beyond your wildest imagination."
"Destroying a head completely, it's much more messy."
"I'm an angel. I can do it with a snap of my fingers and clean it with a thought."
"Yeah, and you're dying to show me just what you can do with a snap of your fingers, aren't you?"
"Oh, god, kill me now," the ghoul whines.
"Gladly!" Bobby picks up a crowbar and smashes the ghoul's head in. "There. Are you idjits all happy now?"
Cas is positively glowing.
"A wise hunter like Bobby obviously agrees with me," he says. "Destroying the head is indeed much more effective."
Bobby drops the crowbar and turns to Sam, his right eye twitching.
"I'm going home. If they whip out their dicks and start pissing on Dean, just bat them on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper."
"Okay," says Sam. "Wait, what?"
Sam turns to where the angel and the dude are bickering like a pair of dogs over a bone, while Dean looks between the two like there's nothing he'd like more than for the ground to open and swallow him whole. Oh…
"How about we go celebrate a successful hunt in the nearest bar?" Josh suggests.
Sam is about to say that that isn't a good idea and save Dean from further mortification, when Cas decides to reply for him.
"I'd like that very much."
Shit.
~~~~~~~~~~
They're sitting in a secluded booth in a bar. Dean is crammed between Cas and Josh and he refuses to look anywhere but at his beer.
There are three empty bottles of Jack Daniels on the table. Cas empties one glass of whisky in one breath and slams it on the table, staring pointedly at Josh. Dean looks about to cry.
"Shit," says Josh, already completely wasted. He turns his head slowly to look at Sam and makes a show of slapping him on the back. "Hey, Sam, did Dean tell you about me?"
"Uh, no…"
"Aw, Dean, I'm hurt!" Josh wipes his mouth. "Summer of 98, right? Got some lead on that demon with the yellow eyes and your father and Dean came to meet me. The moment I saw your brother I knew I was in trouble. I mean, you were what, Dean, nineteen?"
Dean whimpers.
"Right. I should have known better, but two days later I was hooked." Josh pauses, nodding sleepily, his eyes almost dropping closed. "So, yeah, not saying I wasn't excited about meeting you again, Dean, because, man, those were some good couple of months. I just didn't expect Wingman over there. Guess you can't pine for an angel's main squeeze."
There's a sound like sand falling and they all turn to look at Cas, who managed to turn the glass in his hand into dust. He stares back at them like a deer in headlights and promptly disappears.
"Uh. Well, wouldn't you know. I wo-" And Josh's face hits the tabletop. In less than one second he's snoring.
Dean hides his face in his hands and peaks through his fingers at his brother.
"Sam…"
"That's okay, man. I sort of had figured it out already."
~~~~~~~~~~
The next day finds Sam banging on the bathroom door, trying to get Dean to leave.
"You can't stay in there forever."
"I can try!" Comes the answer from inside the bathroom.
"Stop being such girl!" The moment the words come out of his mouth, Sam wants to kick himself, thinking of what transpired the previous night. "Uh, I mean, not that it has anything to do with your, uh, sexuality. Which, you know, it's perfectly normal. But there wouldn't be anything wrong with it, if it had to-"
Dean has the nerve to open the door just to roll his eyes at Sam.
"Can it, Samantha."
"Fine!" Sam takes a deep breath. "Just tell me this: that's why you got the new shirt and made a new hole in the ozone layer with the after-shave? You're still into Josh, that's it?"
"What? No!" Dean makes a face at Sam like he just grew an extra head. "No… He's hot, okay? And, yeah, he's the first guy I-"
"Ew."
"Anyway, it was like it was 98 all over again, ya know? Nothing else."
Sam nods.
"And what about Cas?"
"What about him?"
"What Josh said yesterday."
Dean shifts a little in place and doesn't look at Sam.
"The guy was completely shit-faced. He didn't know what he was saying."
"You sure about that, Dean?"
Dean rolls his eyes and closes the bathroom door.
"Just let me take my shower."
Sam stares at the door and then walks downstairs, shaking his head. In the kitchen Josh is nursing the mother of all hangovers, while Cas, who came back in the first hours of the morning, is standing close, looking smug.
"Hey, Wingman," Josh groans, turning his head slowly to Cas. "How about you show me just what your awesome powers can do and take care of the pounding in my head. I have to get on the road in thirty minutes."
Cas takes his own sweet time until he finally presses two fingers against Josh's forehead.
"Wow!" Josh says, getting up from the chair. "Dude, if you could bottle that, you'd make a fortune."
Cas tilts his head.
"I have no need for a fortune."
Josh sighs and holds his hand to Cas.
"Of course you don't." When Cas doesn't shake his hand, he raises an eyebrow at him. "Oh, come on!"
Cas finally takes his hand and Josh smiles.
"You know, you're all right." Sobering. "You hurt him, I'll hunt you down."
"I don't think that would be possible," Cas answers, shaking the hand faster.
"I'm very stubborn."
"I'm practically indestructible." By now Cas his shaking Josh's hand so fast, all that Sam can see is a blur. Josh winces trying to keep up with him.
"Down, boys!" Sam cries.
~~~~~~~~~~
Only when Josh is already in the car, an army jeep with the soft top off and a longboard in a striped sleeve sticking out in the back, and ready to leave, does Dean dare to show up.
"I'm going inside," Bobby says, sharing a look with Sam. "Have a safe trip, Josh."
"It was good meeting you, Sam," he says, starting up the car. "And seeing you again, Dean."
"Same," Sam says while Dean just nods.
Josh looks at where Cas is watching them from afar and winks at Dean.
"Go get him, tiger," he tells him, before driving off.
They watch the jeep disappear in the horizon. Sam looks at Cas and then at Dean.
"I'm joining Bobby," he says, starting a fast pace towards the house. "Tiger."
The End