blah blah blah blah...
everything is hard for me to handle at the moment.it drives me crazy to think about how lonely and pathetic i am all the time.i cant help but think about it.i mean my close friends say im a great person and what not but on the inside i feel horrible.it just sux to have to feel like this every minute of the day.i actully feel kindof sorry for myself.i go to bed everynight thinking oh so hard wishing to have that someone by my side to talk to and to hold me.waiting for it to come feels like a lifetime.the whole mario situation is like this...i like him alot and care for him.he doesnt like me in the same way though.its hard for me to relaize that.i try not to think about how he doesnt like me because it hurts me soo much to think about it.so we still talk and have sex and this whole time i am hurting while this is going on.like i know i shouldnt be sleeping with the guy because its just gonna end up hurting me but i kindof just dont think about it because the sex is good but there are feelings for him there but not that same feelings back witch sux.i need to start going on with my life and to stop looking for things that are never gonna happen with him.its just hard to let go.its hard to sit there and think about if i should call him or not every min of the day.waiting for a phone call from him when he never calls me.im always haveing to call him and feeling like a dumbass about it and if im not thinking about him at the moment im eaither thinking about how i want someone so bad.i really just need to face reality and to let things come to me instead of looking for stuff.it is so funny how my mom is right about everything when she talks about guys and i never listen to her.everything with school sux.i really need to start going and finishing up because i need a job.i need to make money so i can start supporting myself with out my mom and familys help.i just want to keep my self busy so i can get my mind of off stuff.tomorrow should be fun.show at solid sound..thats right nukka.