Be Warned: this is for someone i know to read and understand (NOT SRI!)
I must warn you that there are two conditions that afflict many refugees of recent breakups. First is what is called Revisionist Romance Disorder. RRD, like an acutecase of 20/20 Blindsight, crease an inablity to see thepast as it actually happened. Additionally , those who suffer from RRD cannot control the need to rewrite their relationship to match the feelings they want to have about it. With RRD an incessant cheater becomes "a really good guy" who was just scared getting too close. THe drunk that forgot your birtday becomse "the one that got away." its an easily identifiable disease, but like all afflictions, the first step to overcoming it is to admit you have a problem. And your pborlem is that if you truly want to move on, you need to stop rewriting the past and see your relationship for what it was: the good and the bad, the ups and downs, the baffling, the maddening , and the ridiculous.
To do this, you need to put aside all feelings of embarrassment or shame over how the relationship unfolded-or ended. IT's okay to have been disappointed by the fact that he forgot your birtday, or never put ofort any effort with your family, or seemed to care more about his work than you. IF he's a cheater, its okay to hate him for it-it's a totally natural reaction to being betrayed. As much as it sucks, you need to force yourself to remember your very worst times togeter, his most irritatting habits and the hard truth that not only can he live without you but he'd rahter. Ouch! Yes, indeed, but doesnt that make it easier to be without him? WHne you rewrite the past and make your romance seem so perfect, your loss starts to seem unberable. And its not. Believe me. The demise of this relationship is the result of its not being a fit, a match, meant to be and certainly not the love of a lifetime. You need to stop pretending that it is. Remember, its called a breakup because it's broke, and who wants to be in a broken relationship? Not YOU!
To do this, you need to put aside all feelings of embarrassment or shame over how the relationship unfolded-or ended. IT's okay to have been disappointed by the fact that he forgot your birtday, or never put ofort any effort with your family, or seemed to care more about his work than you. IF he's a cheater, its okay to hate him for it-it's a totally natural reaction to being betrayed. As much as it sucks, you need to force yourself to remember your very worst times togeter, his most irritatting habits and the hard truth that not only can he live without you but he'd rahter. Ouch! Yes, indeed, but doesnt that make it easier to be without him? WHne you rewrite the past and make your romance seem so perfect, your loss starts to seem unberable. And its not. Believe me. The demise of this relationship is the result of its not being a fit, a match, meant to be and certainly not the love of a lifetime. You need to stop pretending that it is. Remember, its called a breakup because it's broke, and who wants to be in a broken relationship? Not YOU!