up to now, jan, 13, 09
Like the Perfect Murder
i committed the perfect murder,
except there was not tears, no hate and no animosity.
this murder involved no loss of life.
it was the ending of an new romance, and recreating an old friendship.
never have i been more clear in a choice.
what i chose felt honest.
civilized words were brought up, and mutual understanding was present.
last of our ritual of physical affection was performed.
never should we let our skin brush so intimately.
we were meant for each other, we just put on the wrong title.
it feels good to know we will never end with a goodbye, but always to start with a hello.
1-13-09
"He" Whom I Want (Mr. G)
i can never be certin if it was done purposefully.
whatever it is, it sure is working.
never thought i would come back to this state of mind.
jealousy over fills me.
envious and wishing it was me his words spoke of.
envious and wishing it was me he thinks of.
envious and wishing it was me he wants...still.
i don't like violin, drum, vodka or rum.
all are true, except for one.
wishing that one exception would blur my thoughts,
although consequences are never the optimum.
facing the ending of my current affair,
i see the beginning of my past.
"he" whom i want,
he is the same as the 1st day i set eyes on, and cosmic was in my hand.
"he" whom i want,
stays the same as the moment i melted.
"he" whom i want
remains unreachable, uncompromisable and unreleasable.
"he" whom i want,
will remain nothing but "he" whom i want.
what i thought as for two years,
was a blood drain and a battle wound.
i went to hell and all i got was this lousy pain and tears.
thinking back to this,
he made me feel human.
in this whole world,
only humans can feel such emotion of intensity for another individual.
i, feel such emotion of intensity for another individual...still.
this urge, makes us feel human.
this urge, it makes us feel.
this urge, it makes me feel.
this urge, i still feel.
"he" whom i want is still..."he" whom i want.
1-11-09
Past Significant
his touch boils my blood, his words makes me hate,
and his face infuriates me.
so i spoke to a friend mine about her significant other.
she told me at the beginning of the relationship,
she went through the same situation.
no matter what the "plus one" did,
she despised all their action.
simply, because she was think of another individual.
what she revealed to me raddled my core.
my past was suppose to be in the past,
but it seems to find me again.
i loath not because of them,
but because they are not who I am thinking of.
their actions is not who im thinking would do,
their words are not who im think would say,
at this moment, i have put current relations on a freeze,
i will need time to suppress this thought of the past,
have my feelings and emotions swept under the rug.
after this is done, then will i be able to continue.
continue the companionship i find myself deserving of.
how many times will i have to endure this?
how many days will i go, till my mess will resurface?
how long will my sanity last, if i keep denying what the past is to me?
1-10-09
i committed the perfect murder,
except there was not tears, no hate and no animosity.
this murder involved no loss of life.
it was the ending of an new romance, and recreating an old friendship.
never have i been more clear in a choice.
what i chose felt honest.
civilized words were brought up, and mutual understanding was present.
last of our ritual of physical affection was performed.
never should we let our skin brush so intimately.
we were meant for each other, we just put on the wrong title.
it feels good to know we will never end with a goodbye, but always to start with a hello.
1-13-09
"He" Whom I Want (Mr. G)
i can never be certin if it was done purposefully.
whatever it is, it sure is working.
never thought i would come back to this state of mind.
jealousy over fills me.
envious and wishing it was me his words spoke of.
envious and wishing it was me he thinks of.
envious and wishing it was me he wants...still.
i don't like violin, drum, vodka or rum.
all are true, except for one.
wishing that one exception would blur my thoughts,
although consequences are never the optimum.
facing the ending of my current affair,
i see the beginning of my past.
"he" whom i want,
he is the same as the 1st day i set eyes on, and cosmic was in my hand.
"he" whom i want,
stays the same as the moment i melted.
"he" whom i want
remains unreachable, uncompromisable and unreleasable.
"he" whom i want,
will remain nothing but "he" whom i want.
what i thought as for two years,
was a blood drain and a battle wound.
i went to hell and all i got was this lousy pain and tears.
thinking back to this,
he made me feel human.
in this whole world,
only humans can feel such emotion of intensity for another individual.
i, feel such emotion of intensity for another individual...still.
this urge, makes us feel human.
this urge, it makes us feel.
this urge, it makes me feel.
this urge, i still feel.
"he" whom i want is still..."he" whom i want.
1-11-09
Past Significant
his touch boils my blood, his words makes me hate,
and his face infuriates me.
so i spoke to a friend mine about her significant other.
she told me at the beginning of the relationship,
she went through the same situation.
no matter what the "plus one" did,
she despised all their action.
simply, because she was think of another individual.
what she revealed to me raddled my core.
my past was suppose to be in the past,
but it seems to find me again.
i loath not because of them,
but because they are not who I am thinking of.
their actions is not who im thinking would do,
their words are not who im think would say,
at this moment, i have put current relations on a freeze,
i will need time to suppress this thought of the past,
have my feelings and emotions swept under the rug.
after this is done, then will i be able to continue.
continue the companionship i find myself deserving of.
how many times will i have to endure this?
how many days will i go, till my mess will resurface?
how long will my sanity last, if i keep denying what the past is to me?
1-10-09