broken heart
Tonight my heart is broken. Broken worse then it ever has been. Things happen the wrong way. Met a guy liked him enough to sleep with him. As cliche as it may sound I usually don't do that. I have made mistakes in the past and been attracted to the wrong guys. Mostly the wrong guys. This one was different. I just did it because he was attractive. Yeah sure he was nice and fun to be around but I just wanted to have fun. Well that's not how it turned out. It was simultaneously the best/worst mistake I ever made.
Best because I have the most amazing son in the world. He is so sweet and fun huge smile all the time. My heart litterally skips a beat everytime I see him. I am obsessed with his voice and the innocent yet smart expressions in his face. I love his drooly kisses and when he leans on me as I get ready for work. I couldn't ask for a more perfect baby. Thank you lord for that. Also in the process it made me get to know Chris. Undoubtedly I started to love him. All of a sudden I had this connection to this man I barely even knew. A connection that words can not describe. I just look in his eyes and I melt because he gave me the best gift. No other man can ever come close to giving me that feeling. I never thought I would have a child. I know that it would not be easy but I knew that I would give it my all. I thought that he would feel the same connection after watching his son's birth. I was wrong.
Worst because in the end I ended up hurt and alone. Never did I think a man would leave me because I have a brain. Because I stand up for my self. He has a wall up that doesn't let anyone close by with a guard dog that fights you off. Accuses you of ridiculous things for no reason. And I know I am not perfect but I am truthful and nice. I tried so hard to over look the anger. I thought the baby would change his Outlook. He told me that he didn't want his son to grow up without a dad. I guess I fell too easily and in as much pain emotionally I an in I don't regret it. I will tell my son I tried my hardest.
I will tell my son just how much I love him and how much me means to the at all times. Everyday of his life I will make him feel loved.
This will probably be the worst heart break ever because I know in the long run it will break Julian's too.
Best because I have the most amazing son in the world. He is so sweet and fun huge smile all the time. My heart litterally skips a beat everytime I see him. I am obsessed with his voice and the innocent yet smart expressions in his face. I love his drooly kisses and when he leans on me as I get ready for work. I couldn't ask for a more perfect baby. Thank you lord for that. Also in the process it made me get to know Chris. Undoubtedly I started to love him. All of a sudden I had this connection to this man I barely even knew. A connection that words can not describe. I just look in his eyes and I melt because he gave me the best gift. No other man can ever come close to giving me that feeling. I never thought I would have a child. I know that it would not be easy but I knew that I would give it my all. I thought that he would feel the same connection after watching his son's birth. I was wrong.
Worst because in the end I ended up hurt and alone. Never did I think a man would leave me because I have a brain. Because I stand up for my self. He has a wall up that doesn't let anyone close by with a guard dog that fights you off. Accuses you of ridiculous things for no reason. And I know I am not perfect but I am truthful and nice. I tried so hard to over look the anger. I thought the baby would change his Outlook. He told me that he didn't want his son to grow up without a dad. I guess I fell too easily and in as much pain emotionally I an in I don't regret it. I will tell my son I tried my hardest.
I will tell my son just how much I love him and how much me means to the at all times. Everyday of his life I will make him feel loved.
This will probably be the worst heart break ever because I know in the long run it will break Julian's too.