- - - Converge show /// ;; p l a s t i c [ surgery..]
I started working at Old Navy yesterday (9 hours) and I made a little under $70.
But they pay every 2 weeks, just my luck. And the Converge/Darkest Hour show is today at the Alley. I'm not going of course, because I have no money. And of course my boyfriend is going without me. I'm $6 off, because I only have $9. I feel so left out and I don't want to think about it, but I'm really pissed off at my circumstances. I wish I was working today, because at least then I would have something to do, but I don't, so I'm just going to stay home and catch up on some homework. I really don't like feeling like this because of something stupid, like not going to a show. But I guess I have some issues I need to deal with.
I was also lurking through myspace when I noticed ...
how gross I am.
how better other people are.
how many more friends other people have.
how better their hair is.
how more expenxive their clothes are.
and how they seem to be loved more.
Well... I am basing all of this off of a profile, but still, we all get the idea. When I'm older and have enough money I'm going to get as much plastic surgery as I can because I really don't love myself, I don't even tolerate myself. I always put myself up against these standards that I can never achieve, and I know that, but I can't seem to stop myself. Some girls just have better luck, and will always get more attention because of their looks. From friends, strangers, and sometimes even (it seems to me) my own boyfriend. I guess it's just something I have to accept. People will be attracted to certain people no matter what I say, think, or even how much it hurts me. Maybe I should get off of myspace for a while, but that won't fix my problems because these people are everywhere. There's no way for me to deal with this (that I know of).
I'm in a really bad mood right now and there's no one that can cheer me up. I really wish there was someone who could bring a smile to my face right now.
But that's only a wish.
I feel like crying right now and I don't know why. Well, I do know why but I don't want to think about it, it's just a mix of horrible feelings. Maybe it's just loneliness.
I don't feel like I have anyone I can completely depend on and that worries me.
... I noticed that everytime I am threatened by someone or am jealous, all I can do is talk shit about them to make myself feel better.
I wish I could be comfortable in my own skin.
But they pay every 2 weeks, just my luck. And the Converge/Darkest Hour show is today at the Alley. I'm not going of course, because I have no money. And of course my boyfriend is going without me. I'm $6 off, because I only have $9. I feel so left out and I don't want to think about it, but I'm really pissed off at my circumstances. I wish I was working today, because at least then I would have something to do, but I don't, so I'm just going to stay home and catch up on some homework. I really don't like feeling like this because of something stupid, like not going to a show. But I guess I have some issues I need to deal with.
I was also lurking through myspace when I noticed ...
Well... I am basing all of this off of a profile, but still, we all get the idea. When I'm older and have enough money I'm going to get as much plastic surgery as I can because I really don't love myself, I don't even tolerate myself. I always put myself up against these standards that I can never achieve, and I know that, but I can't seem to stop myself. Some girls just have better luck, and will always get more attention because of their looks. From friends, strangers, and sometimes even (it seems to me) my own boyfriend. I guess it's just something I have to accept. People will be attracted to certain people no matter what I say, think, or even how much it hurts me. Maybe I should get off of myspace for a while, but that won't fix my problems because these people are everywhere. There's no way for me to deal with this (that I know of).
I'm in a really bad mood right now and there's no one that can cheer me up. I really wish there was someone who could bring a smile to my face right now.
But that's only a wish.
I feel like crying right now and I don't know why. Well, I do know why but I don't want to think about it, it's just a mix of horrible feelings. Maybe it's just loneliness.
I don't feel like I have anyone I can completely depend on and that worries me.
... I noticed that everytime I am threatened by someone or am jealous, all I can do is talk shit about them to make myself feel better.
I wish I could be comfortable in my own skin.