(no subject)
I love the smell of my dad's cigars. Such a sweet, intoxicating smell. After he smokes, I intentionally linger around just so I, too, can be consumed by the invisible puff about him. When I turn 18, my dad and I are to celebrate with cigars. I know when we do, all attractiveness of that brown stick will disappear and I will no longer intentionally linger. But until then, I can not wait for that moment.
Furthermore, I can not wait for the end of finals. No more worries about high school grades, stupid tests, or busy work. Smooth sailing from Monday, and I can coast into summer, San Francisco, hiking, tie-dying sheets, love, cigars and what comes with that freedom, the Redwoods, Folklife, camping, and enjoying every moment with no worries, and then saying good bye, and crying, and college, and then life really, and I mean really, begins.
But fuck, am I going to miss all my friends.
And I am content with what I have right now. I will not give up something I am comfortable with to see what may come of something that could be. I am too close to leaving to start fresh. Human nature urges me to think twice, or rather not think at all, and although it is tempting, I am quite fine where I am now.
It is late, and instead of studying for finals tonight I went on joy rides with mother to the store and post office, anything to get out and busy myself with other things besides my silly feelings and guilty thoughts about not studying.
If I am lucky, I will get two B's. If I am not so lucky, I will get two A's. Fuck. Swarthmore, Oberlin, Grinnell and Scripps will not approve. That is too many schools...
Man, high lights for next couple weeks -- Hang out with whatshisface Saturday night, end of semester next week, two days off, NW Medical teams exhibit, morning AND evening with hismom (heck yes), peace vigil fridays, kellys lonely house, sleep overs, trips to the beach on school days, birthdays (many, many!!), dead body field trip, and finally a visit to Knox and Beloit.