(no subject)
I wish I knew if the burning I can smell is to do with the neighbours smoking and laughing outside my flat, or my electronics are frying. Although given how much I've calmed down in the last ten minutes, either my drugs or theirs are doing nice things. But the burning smell was damn strong, and my windows are not open.
I know that most of the guilt I feel over yesterday is me being stupid about what I said, or how I said it, and probably didn't even get registered as me doing anything wrong. I refuse to feel guilt over the inconvenience - it wasn't me, I refuse to claim them, but that doesn't mean it isn't there, in all those feelings I'm refusing to feel.
I know most of my feelings, like the worthlessness and depression are my brain being cruel to me. Tomorrow everything will be all better, at least for the length of tomorrow. Unless I screw up really bad, tomorrow will be good, and these stupid thoughts will run away and not come back until after I've left work, probably until after the brain reboots in sleep. And that will be good.
The stress over nothing is really leaving far too little me to deal with the stress over real things. And the number of those real things has piled up.
But for now, what the fuck is burning?
I know that most of the guilt I feel over yesterday is me being stupid about what I said, or how I said it, and probably didn't even get registered as me doing anything wrong. I refuse to feel guilt over the inconvenience - it wasn't me, I refuse to claim them, but that doesn't mean it isn't there, in all those feelings I'm refusing to feel.
I know most of my feelings, like the worthlessness and depression are my brain being cruel to me. Tomorrow everything will be all better, at least for the length of tomorrow. Unless I screw up really bad, tomorrow will be good, and these stupid thoughts will run away and not come back until after I've left work, probably until after the brain reboots in sleep. And that will be good.
The stress over nothing is really leaving far too little me to deal with the stress over real things. And the number of those real things has piled up.
But for now, what the fuck is burning?