fart_pellet's Armchair Manifesto for 2004
1. I believe that one person’s achievements in the work place should make up for another person’s apathy on the dole
2. I believe that it is fair that another person’s income should be taxed to pay for another person’s benefits
3. I believe in the abolition of work
[but I understand that this will severely impact on items one and two so I will be happy to settle for the working week being reduced to a maximum of 20 hours, the minimum wage being raised to £10 an hour, and a mandatory ‘opt out’ clause being made available for those with no ambition - see item four]
4. I believe in the complete lack of ambition and the concept of underachievement
[Ambition is not critical. Lower expectation and you avoid future disappointment]
5. I believe in the rejection of the American World Order
6. I believe in the rejection of all brands and logos, especially American
[But not the Crass logo because it’s nice]
7. I believe in the rejection of the motor/petroleum conspiracy
[Use public transport if you must or walk]
8. I believe in the total rejection of fundamentalism, especially Islamic
[It’s got the word ‘mental’ in it and that says it all really]
9. I believe in the total rejection of the media
[It’s got ‘ed’ in it and it’s just an extension of medieval witch-hunting and McCarthyism]
10. I believe in the abolition of the monarchy
[The Queen is a horse thief from a long line of horse thieves]
11. I believe in the abolition of the coercive state
12. I believe in armchair civil disobedience
13. I believe in the deschooling of society
[Education for all is a myth and most people don’t deserve it anyway, especially in Plymouth]
14. I believe in the right to question everything, especially authority
15. I believe in the abolition of the hunting of animals for sport
[But not the hunting down of former Nazis by Mossad because that’s appropriate]
16. I believe in the right not to eat meat
17. I believe in the six co-operative principles as defined by resolution of the 24th Congress of the International Co-operative Alliance held at Hamburg in Germany in September 1969
18. I believe in the rejection of Frank
[Frank is pap]
19. I believe in the process of obtaining credit followed by the act of bankruptcy
20. I believe in the abolition of marriage
[The process is just completely pointless]
21. I believe in the abolition of children or the imposition of a Children’s Tax
[Why on earth are we rewarding people that have children with child tax credits. The planet is over-populated and has dwindling resources so shouldn’t we be applying some form of congestion charge instead?]
22. I believe in flexi time, Glenn maybe time [GMT], and the right to sleep in late
23. I believe in the right to mumble
2. I believe that it is fair that another person’s income should be taxed to pay for another person’s benefits
3. I believe in the abolition of work
[but I understand that this will severely impact on items one and two so I will be happy to settle for the working week being reduced to a maximum of 20 hours, the minimum wage being raised to £10 an hour, and a mandatory ‘opt out’ clause being made available for those with no ambition - see item four]
4. I believe in the complete lack of ambition and the concept of underachievement
[Ambition is not critical. Lower expectation and you avoid future disappointment]
5. I believe in the rejection of the American World Order
6. I believe in the rejection of all brands and logos, especially American
[But not the Crass logo because it’s nice]
7. I believe in the rejection of the motor/petroleum conspiracy
[Use public transport if you must or walk]
8. I believe in the total rejection of fundamentalism, especially Islamic
[It’s got the word ‘mental’ in it and that says it all really]
9. I believe in the total rejection of the media
[It’s got ‘ed’ in it and it’s just an extension of medieval witch-hunting and McCarthyism]
10. I believe in the abolition of the monarchy
[The Queen is a horse thief from a long line of horse thieves]
11. I believe in the abolition of the coercive state
12. I believe in armchair civil disobedience
13. I believe in the deschooling of society
[Education for all is a myth and most people don’t deserve it anyway, especially in Plymouth]
14. I believe in the right to question everything, especially authority
15. I believe in the abolition of the hunting of animals for sport
[But not the hunting down of former Nazis by Mossad because that’s appropriate]
16. I believe in the right not to eat meat
17. I believe in the six co-operative principles as defined by resolution of the 24th Congress of the International Co-operative Alliance held at Hamburg in Germany in September 1969
18. I believe in the rejection of Frank
[Frank is pap]
19. I believe in the process of obtaining credit followed by the act of bankruptcy
20. I believe in the abolition of marriage
[The process is just completely pointless]
21. I believe in the abolition of children or the imposition of a Children’s Tax
[Why on earth are we rewarding people that have children with child tax credits. The planet is over-populated and has dwindling resources so shouldn’t we be applying some form of congestion charge instead?]
22. I believe in flexi time, Glenn maybe time [GMT], and the right to sleep in late
23. I believe in the right to mumble