Everyone Hates Me?
So, it's recently come to light that most of the people in my life are at odds with me regarding the end of my relationship with Alana and vice versa. Obviously, if I had realized what the repercussions of that last post I had made (it is now gone) would have been, I would have never made a post in the first place.
Our relationship ended because of something I did to Alana on senior skip day. We got into an argument, and because of my frustration with the situation, I harassed her with my car and threw a lighter (a gift she gave me) at her out of my car window, while she was walking home from my house. I immediately felt remorseful for what I did, because I didn't think about what I was doing while I was doing it. She gave me another chance, after I begged for one, and we continued to go out until this past Friday. The two weeks in between the fight and the break up were happy overall, but there were still a few small "remissions" of happiness because of what I did. She could not forgive me, or forget about what I did, so she decided to end the relationship. Although my presence comforted her, she could not continue lying to herself and not being honest about the situation to herself or myself.
Regarding us getting back together on Saturday night, she had a moment of weakness (as she calls it, I'm not trying to mock her feelings), and she felt good in my presence once again. But she decided once more that she had to be truthful to herself, and that she could not forgive me in any way for what I did.
I understand why she did what she did, I really don't expect forgiveness for what I did, and to be honest, I really don't understand why I did what I did. I feel terrible, and it really is all my fault. The only reason why I am so upset is because what I did to her caused our relationship to end. Nothing she ever did to me, that I thought was wrong, was ever bad enough to even come close to what I did. I made that post last night to get pity for myself, and to make myself look like the better person, which was completely wrong.
As of now, I really just want to be able to speak to Alana, and probably some of you reading this, on good terms. I do not deserve to have a relationship with Alana, because I am way below her in terms of maturity, intelligence, and reason. It was so hard for me today to have Alana give me back my class ring, and the ring I got her for Christmas. But the reason why all of this is happening is because of something I did. I have no reason to resent Alana or anyone else for what has happened in the last few days.
I never wanted to hurt anyone.
To all of you, I am truly sorry. If you can find it in yourself to still keep in contact with me, then thank you. If you cannot, then I understand.
Also, unlike the last post, this is a public entry. Anyone can read it, to see the fool that I really am.
Our relationship ended because of something I did to Alana on senior skip day. We got into an argument, and because of my frustration with the situation, I harassed her with my car and threw a lighter (a gift she gave me) at her out of my car window, while she was walking home from my house. I immediately felt remorseful for what I did, because I didn't think about what I was doing while I was doing it. She gave me another chance, after I begged for one, and we continued to go out until this past Friday. The two weeks in between the fight and the break up were happy overall, but there were still a few small "remissions" of happiness because of what I did. She could not forgive me, or forget about what I did, so she decided to end the relationship. Although my presence comforted her, she could not continue lying to herself and not being honest about the situation to herself or myself.
Regarding us getting back together on Saturday night, she had a moment of weakness (as she calls it, I'm not trying to mock her feelings), and she felt good in my presence once again. But she decided once more that she had to be truthful to herself, and that she could not forgive me in any way for what I did.
I understand why she did what she did, I really don't expect forgiveness for what I did, and to be honest, I really don't understand why I did what I did. I feel terrible, and it really is all my fault. The only reason why I am so upset is because what I did to her caused our relationship to end. Nothing she ever did to me, that I thought was wrong, was ever bad enough to even come close to what I did. I made that post last night to get pity for myself, and to make myself look like the better person, which was completely wrong.
As of now, I really just want to be able to speak to Alana, and probably some of you reading this, on good terms. I do not deserve to have a relationship with Alana, because I am way below her in terms of maturity, intelligence, and reason. It was so hard for me today to have Alana give me back my class ring, and the ring I got her for Christmas. But the reason why all of this is happening is because of something I did. I have no reason to resent Alana or anyone else for what has happened in the last few days.
I never wanted to hurt anyone.
To all of you, I am truly sorry. If you can find it in yourself to still keep in contact with me, then thank you. If you cannot, then I understand.
Also, unlike the last post, this is a public entry. Anyone can read it, to see the fool that I really am.