Sep 16, 2009 10:00
[The video feed comes across with the image of a sleeping girl, she is curled up under a blanket with a pained expression on her face.]
No, please! [She screams, her eyes tight shut, sweat lining her skin] It can't be! I-it can't be! I won't!
nightmares
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Something happen, Little One? You were screaming loud enough to, pardon the pun, wake the dead.
[Hayden is concerned, since Saria is so much littler then the average apartment dweller, and therefore much more vulnerable to bad things, in his opinion.]
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Do you want to talk about it? I vaguely remember talking about nightmares makes them easier to bear, if not less scary.
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It's no trouble, Little One. I'm offering, after all.
[Come what may, Hayden has made his choice to stand firm. Listening to Saria's nightmare is a way that he can help, and that anchors him, perhaps far more then anything has in a long time.]
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Everyone has dreams like that. Not always the same, but they focus on things like that. Getting older, being less able to rely on yourself, but having no one there for you... it's terrifying. It's alright to be afraid, though. It reminds you that you're still human, still have enough emotions and cares about others that it the thought they would abandon you when you need help or care hurts.
[A brief pause, almost unnoticable. Hayden realizes that he cares about some of the people here that way, and distantly, there are people he could come to care about back at home. He resumes talking to Saria, almost uninterrupted.A man who doesn't fear anything is dangerous, Little One. Because such a man is either insane or a fool. It is ( ... )
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I don't feel ashamed of being afraid.
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I'm pleased I was able to help, Little One. If you have a nightmare again, don't hesitate to call.
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Not really, Little One. I've commited my share of sins, some of them that I feel will stain my soul far longer then anything else. I'm just... [He sighs.]
I'm just a person, one with an ability both a blessing and a curse.
[There are too many people here that pull Hayden's pain out too easily, and in some ways, he doesn't want to taint Saria with that pain. She views him as a good person. Hayden knows he's not that good. And if something goes wrong, Saria may see the monster within him, the one that took the lives of friends with reasoning that Hayden can admit to himself, if to no one else from his home, that was paper thin.]
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It's okay, Little One. It's something I'm still learning to bear, is all. I did something most people that I knew in my world considered unforgiveable, is all.
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I was born different in the first place, a rare break in my flesh and blood making me incapable of feeling pain or heat or cold. I chose the life of a warrior and scout despite the risks, and had those as close to me as brothers, and a woman I loved.
[He sounds tired, and pained.]
But since I can't feel those three things, I have no warning if I am at times not acting the way a rational man will, Little One. My friends became worried on a mission we undertook without my lady, and demanded to pull back and return. [He stills. Admiting this sin to Saria is harder then to Aaron or to another warrior. So much harder.]
I was not entirely in control of my own thoughts and beliefs at the time, Little One. To me, it seemed that they were the ones sick, and I... [Hayden trails off. So damned hard, to say this to one who looks so innocent. So damned hard to show her the blood sprayed across his hands and soul.I killed them, Little One. That is my sin. I killed ( ... )
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Do not despair, your remorse is what makes you everything they wished for you to be. [She gives him a soft smile, if she had been there beside him, she would have taken his hands.]
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