[1st Portal] Enter the Moron
[There's a thud and a new arrival is unceremoniously dumped right in the middle of one of the lovely grassy plains.
The newcomer is quite unusual in appearance, he looks much like an over-sized beach ball made of metal with two handlebars at opposite sides. In the middle of his body is a large digital eye, complete with eyelids.
He appears to have seen better days, the metal is scraped and tarnished and his glowing eye is cracked down the middle and doesn't always make full use of the space available. Every so often his entire body shudders and he sends out a few harmless sparks, but this doesn't stop the never ending flow of chatter that comes out of him, despite him having no mouth and no visible speakers. Strangely enough, he has a British accent.
As he speaks, he looks around. For a gigantic robot eyeball he seems quite capable of showing many different emotions. He seems to be talking to a companion that simply isn't there any more.]
Ah...um...hello? Brain-damaged lady? Are you...are you still there? You know, I wasn't completely serious about the whole 'oh let's pretend you're my hostage and she'll kill you and let me live' thing, it was just an idea. That's all...just a simple, harmless, little idea. I asked you what you thought and then BAM, I find myself here. On the ground. Not seeing you.
If...if you're still there, could you please pick me back up and put me back on my Management Rail? Please? It'd be much easier for the both of us, I would no longer be on the ground and you wouldn't have to drag me around. I don't want to be a bother, though, and since you seem to have dumped me on the ground without warning, I take it that you're not happy with me. But, we need each other to escape! You have the portal gun and I have my excellent hacking skills, we're unstoppable! Well...except for that time we were stopped, but um...let's not talk about that, shall we? Unpleasant memories and all that.
You know...now that I think about it and have had a nice little look around, this doesn't seem to be the Turret Control Room. Or the facility. Or inside at all. I mean, I've never been outside before, but I was programmed with lots of knowledge about lots of things and this seems to be the outside all right.
If it is the outside, and I think it is, then we did it! We've escaped the facility! And her! We'll never have to deal with her again! Though, how we managed to get from the Turret Control Room to the outside, I won't ever know, because apparently only you know, and with the massive brain damage and all, you can't tell me. But that is perfectly okay! Despite the odds, we've come out on top! We didn't have to deal with her any more, even though we were following my brilliant plan until we somehow arrived here.
Oh...oh, now that I think about it, is it possible that the portal gun um...perhaps it...er...malfunctioned? I don't know exactly how it works, they never tell me anything, really. But, I should think that if it was malfunctioning, it would be best if maybe you set it down somewhere, found a way to pick me up, and we get away from the malfunctioning portal gun as soon as possible. I know what you're thinking, we've already had rather an exciting day, didn't we? But, if we wish to keep our lives, and I know that I do, maybe we should er...reevaluate the portal gun and just make sure that it isn't going to um...explode.
I don't know if you're a scientist, and you do have the brain damage to consider and all, but it might be a good idea to check out the portal gun before it um...kills us both. There, I said it.
Hello? Are you listening to me? This is fairly important. Hello?
The newcomer is quite unusual in appearance, he looks much like an over-sized beach ball made of metal with two handlebars at opposite sides. In the middle of his body is a large digital eye, complete with eyelids.
He appears to have seen better days, the metal is scraped and tarnished and his glowing eye is cracked down the middle and doesn't always make full use of the space available. Every so often his entire body shudders and he sends out a few harmless sparks, but this doesn't stop the never ending flow of chatter that comes out of him, despite him having no mouth and no visible speakers. Strangely enough, he has a British accent.
As he speaks, he looks around. For a gigantic robot eyeball he seems quite capable of showing many different emotions. He seems to be talking to a companion that simply isn't there any more.]
Ah...um...hello? Brain-damaged lady? Are you...are you still there? You know, I wasn't completely serious about the whole 'oh let's pretend you're my hostage and she'll kill you and let me live' thing, it was just an idea. That's all...just a simple, harmless, little idea. I asked you what you thought and then BAM, I find myself here. On the ground. Not seeing you.
If...if you're still there, could you please pick me back up and put me back on my Management Rail? Please? It'd be much easier for the both of us, I would no longer be on the ground and you wouldn't have to drag me around. I don't want to be a bother, though, and since you seem to have dumped me on the ground without warning, I take it that you're not happy with me. But, we need each other to escape! You have the portal gun and I have my excellent hacking skills, we're unstoppable! Well...except for that time we were stopped, but um...let's not talk about that, shall we? Unpleasant memories and all that.
You know...now that I think about it and have had a nice little look around, this doesn't seem to be the Turret Control Room. Or the facility. Or inside at all. I mean, I've never been outside before, but I was programmed with lots of knowledge about lots of things and this seems to be the outside all right.
If it is the outside, and I think it is, then we did it! We've escaped the facility! And her! We'll never have to deal with her again! Though, how we managed to get from the Turret Control Room to the outside, I won't ever know, because apparently only you know, and with the massive brain damage and all, you can't tell me. But that is perfectly okay! Despite the odds, we've come out on top! We didn't have to deal with her any more, even though we were following my brilliant plan until we somehow arrived here.
Oh...oh, now that I think about it, is it possible that the portal gun um...perhaps it...er...malfunctioned? I don't know exactly how it works, they never tell me anything, really. But, I should think that if it was malfunctioning, it would be best if maybe you set it down somewhere, found a way to pick me up, and we get away from the malfunctioning portal gun as soon as possible. I know what you're thinking, we've already had rather an exciting day, didn't we? But, if we wish to keep our lives, and I know that I do, maybe we should er...reevaluate the portal gun and just make sure that it isn't going to um...explode.
I don't know if you're a scientist, and you do have the brain damage to consider and all, but it might be a good idea to check out the portal gun before it um...kills us both. There, I said it.
Hello? Are you listening to me? This is fairly important. Hello?