wasn't supposed to forget your taste...
wow i'm such a fuck up. i had a million things to do today, like:
write a position paper for pig
italian homework
sociology homework[was due friday]
pig homework[was due friday]
physics homework
i'm just distracted. i think it's ken... i'm so weak.
the television, the computer, ken, my job..they all just distract me from the "important" things. i won't get anywhere in life because of my constant procrastination. and i always say this, it's so repetitive. it just makes me a pathetic fuck up. i mean why should i care, i got accepted by albany and buffalo, and probably will be by binghamton and nazareth..so i mean i must be doing a few things right. but i feel like i'm not, i'm a slacker. a useless, untalented, unintelligent human being. i really won't ever amount to anything, and what i do amount to will be a fabrication of my family's expectations of me.
i just want to help people and speak italian. but at the same time i want people to help me, i need help, this doesn't end. one good day is erased by six bad ones.
i don't like being challenged, i'm not a hard worker. i only do things so other people won't talk. so my parents won't give me another lecture about how everything i do is wrong and how speaking italian won't get me anywhere. like i don't know this already.
i hate school. i hate people, i hate america, i hate american idol.
i like ben folds, easy fiction reads, talking with people about the things i hate.
i hate math, ap english, my senior year, my manager, i hate these pathetic feelings. i hate how i type in here knowing people will read it but i really don't know if i want them to because i sound like a cry for help. but really, i'm just venting. don't take me too seriously. because i blow everything out of proportion. cuz i'm a baby.
i don't want an antidepressant, i just don't know. but i'm struggling, and i've realized that nothing will make me truly happy, no matter what college i go to i'll be unhappy, no matter who is my boyfriend. i have to stop this.
here i go again...putting everything off. i guess this all goes back to school. what's wrong with my brain?
i hate being insecure.. i mean i'm proud of myself for having a job, which is not easy for a person like me. but i put on a face..and there it is. they will never know me. i don't know me.
i'm sorry, don't hate me even more after you read this, i shouldn't even post it duh
write a position paper for pig
italian homework
sociology homework[was due friday]
pig homework[was due friday]
physics homework
i'm just distracted. i think it's ken... i'm so weak.
the television, the computer, ken, my job..they all just distract me from the "important" things. i won't get anywhere in life because of my constant procrastination. and i always say this, it's so repetitive. it just makes me a pathetic fuck up. i mean why should i care, i got accepted by albany and buffalo, and probably will be by binghamton and nazareth..so i mean i must be doing a few things right. but i feel like i'm not, i'm a slacker. a useless, untalented, unintelligent human being. i really won't ever amount to anything, and what i do amount to will be a fabrication of my family's expectations of me.
i just want to help people and speak italian. but at the same time i want people to help me, i need help, this doesn't end. one good day is erased by six bad ones.
i don't like being challenged, i'm not a hard worker. i only do things so other people won't talk. so my parents won't give me another lecture about how everything i do is wrong and how speaking italian won't get me anywhere. like i don't know this already.
i hate school. i hate people, i hate america, i hate american idol.
i like ben folds, easy fiction reads, talking with people about the things i hate.
i hate math, ap english, my senior year, my manager, i hate these pathetic feelings. i hate how i type in here knowing people will read it but i really don't know if i want them to because i sound like a cry for help. but really, i'm just venting. don't take me too seriously. because i blow everything out of proportion. cuz i'm a baby.
i don't want an antidepressant, i just don't know. but i'm struggling, and i've realized that nothing will make me truly happy, no matter what college i go to i'll be unhappy, no matter who is my boyfriend. i have to stop this.
here i go again...putting everything off. i guess this all goes back to school. what's wrong with my brain?
i hate being insecure.. i mean i'm proud of myself for having a job, which is not easy for a person like me. but i put on a face..and there it is. they will never know me. i don't know me.
i'm sorry, don't hate me even more after you read this, i shouldn't even post it duh