[Tuesday/Monday|8/11|Early Morning]

[farewelltopain]

[It has been a horrific night after a long, not-so-good week, and Haruhi is well aware he's near a breaking point.

He's in his office, slumped over his desk and even ignoring that beautiful bottle of sake. He can't do it. He knew things could fall apart, but he never imagined this, and he's--helpless.

He didn't want to be helpless again.]

Comments

[aplaceofyourown]

[and going to quietly open the door and come in. he'd suspected Haruhi would come here after...that.]

[farewelltopain]

[Haruhi doesn't move--he doesn't even seem to register someone else is here.]

[aplaceofyourown]

[...yes. definitely not a good sign. and going to close the door behind him and cross towards Haruhi's desk.]

[farewelltopain]

[Those are not tears it is somehow raining inside. Haruhi looks up, giving Kazuya a blank, blank look. He doesn't even have the energy to panic.]

[aplaceofyourown]

[and he's going to kneel down by the desk]

[farewelltopain]

...There's...nothing I can do...

[aplaceofyourown]

...[and going to just listen quietly and wipe away those supposedly non-existent tears, because Kazuya sucks at anything that requires a "delicate emotional touch"].

[farewelltopain]

[He--flinches a little bit. He's not sure he can deal with this.]

[aplaceofyourown]

[and going to lower his hand]

[farewelltopain]

...[Haruhi starts laughing--a low, helpless, broken kind of laughter.]

For all my thoughts and schemes, this is what it comes down to? My control and composure shattered, and the one person who remains someone that I must--must not get so close to, out of fear of a pain that will undo me entirely?

Hahaha...ahahaha! Is this really what fate has conjured for me, to spend my life fighting this? Aha...hahahaaha...

[Oh god he really can't stop Haruhi's gone bye-bye.]

[aplaceofyourown]

Calm down. You cannot hope to even begin to think past this in your current state. [and because Kazuya sucks at this "delicate emotional touch", going to try to slap him. obviously this is not going to work out as planned.]

[farewelltopain]

[Yeah, because that one's reflecting.] What is there left for me, Merritt? In ten years I have no more ability to save anyone here than I did to save Toshio. I have let a decade of work go to ruin and have alienated the people I wanted to help because I could not swallow my own pride, nor can I in any way agree with the sort of hypocrisy that does not see that emotional manipulation is just as damaging as any physical assault, and harder still to defend against.

I despair for these children having that girl as a leader, and I despair for those I no longer have any right to help. What are my options, Merritt? To become a villain to them, and put 'justice' into my own hands to soothe my own sense of self-righteous pride? To work with them, untrusted and alone and never speaking out against their own blatant hypocrisy? Or do I burn all the bridges that are still standing and stand alone, answering to none of them? What is left for me here?

[aplaceofyourown]

[and he just slapped himself in the face. well, now he knows that Haruhi reflects physical. good job in finding that out, self.] Those are questions that need to be answered. But you are in no state to answer them now.

[farewelltopain]

Was I ever in a state? You have no way of knowing how my decisions have been based--it's entirely possibly that everything has been set up by the notions of a madman.

Heheh....wouldn't that be something? It's been said for years, and I never stopped to think that there might be any truth in it. But it was inevitable, was it? For a man like me to be so easily ruled by emotion...ahahaha, perhaps he was right. For all my words I'll never--be anything more than a blind fool...

[Haruhi is speaking of his last ex without booze. Core implosion imminent.]

[aplaceofyourown]

[well, this is not going to go well.] We often are as we define ourselves. But what I said remains the same. [distraction needed. now. and for lack of any better ideas, is going to shift forward and up, catching Haruhi's collar and drag him down a little for a kiss, before letting him go.] Think of something else for now.

[farewelltopain]

[We're sorry, the Mibu you have dialed cannot be reached, please leave your message after the tone. If you need help, please hang up and dial your operator.

In other words, Haruhi's brain just completely short-circuited.]

A...ah...?