End-seller license
Information protectionists and other corporate fascist try to sell us software, goods or services under the terms of shrinkwrap licences they unilaterally define, and that they claim to bind you by your merely opening the package. Well, as a reply to such juridic abuse, I hereby introduce a solution to all these problems. Indeed, I have no less right than these fascists to impose unilateral terms that apply to people who want to do business with me. So I hereby solemnly declare that anyone who undertakes to have any business whatsoever with me is bound by the terms of following contract, therefrom known as the end-seller license.
Article 1a.
This contract applies to any person, company, administration or party who is in any way selling anything to me, buying anything from me, letting anything to me, renting anything from me, making me any offer of sale or purchase or commercial or non-commercial transaction whatsoever, sending me advertisement, accepting me on their commercial premises, communicating with me electronically (including but not limited to sending me email and serving me web pages or reading web pages from me) or engaging in any kind of actual or prospective relation with me. By any such behaviour, said party, therefrom known as the end-seller implicitly agrees to be bound by the terms of this contract, therefrom known as the end-seller license, the license, the contract, or this contract.
Article 1b.
If some articles of this contract, or sentences of articles of this contract, are not applicable to your case, or not enforceable against you, due to legal limitations in the country you or I reside, then you still agree to the other articles of the contract, and to the terms of the disputed article up to the limits applicable by law. [Comment: this is to ensure that this contract is as enforceable as possible.]
Article 1c.
As a first and foremost condition to making business with me, you agree to fuck yourself in public, with your own fist up your own ass, until you have three orgasms, and have someone film the performance and publish it permanently on a web page on the Internet with your name and address on it. [Comment: this prominent article is to ensure that everyone understands, if that wasn't obvious enough, that just because a clause is written in a legal document doesn't make it either legitimate, applicable or enforceable. Rather, legal clauses may only apply if valid in law. Mind that the articles of government-edicted legislation themselves are no less subject to the same scrutiny of lacking any legitimacy unless they are valid with respect to natural law.]
Article 2a.
A simple mention of this contract, an ostensible sign of its existence, a flyer that comes with me, or any copy of this contract on any medium whatsoever that I carry or that I would transmit to you, or a prominent or less prominent mention on my web page, or an article in my weblog, are to be considered sufficient warning of the existence of this contract.
Article 2b.
After your being properly warned, by proceeding with any real or prospective transaction with me, you agree that you are bound by the terms of this contract. Any continuation to your relationship with me is to be interpreted as your acknowledgement that you are fully aware of the terms of this contract, and as your commitment to be bound by them fully knowing the consequences.
Article 2c.
After your being properly warned, your failure to read the entirety of this contract or to understand the full terms of it and their consequences is no valid excuse not to be bound by them. They apply to you whether you want it or not.
Article 3a.
You agree that any shrinkwrap license on any package that you transmit to me is meaningless. You agree that my tearing off the wrapping of a package only means that I want to open said package, and doesn't commit me to the terms of any license whatsoever. You agree that my entering a serial number or any information whatsoever on a form, or clicking on a yes button, or typing yes, or interacting with a program in any way, in order for it to proceed and only means that I desire the software to proceed, and doesn't entail my acceptance of any terms of any contract. You agree that I am not bound by the terms of any license the text of which is or isn't included with the package you transmit to me.
Article 3b.
In providing me any service, you agree that I am not bound by the terms of any contract or license agreement. You agree that my signature on a global document doesn't bind me to the specific terms of any of its articles. The only terms that I am bound to are those that I am able to explain and describe and that I agree to. The burden of the proof is upon you, to establish that at the time of a particular transaction, I knew and agreed to any particular details of the contract you proposed to me. A signature of mine on each page of a long document isn't enough, unless you can produce a neutral witness that I read aloud the text and voluntarily agreed to all of it.
Article 4a.
You agree that I am not bound by any law, jurisdiction or juridic authority whatsoever, unless I explictly agree to this particular point.
Article 4b.
You agree that I am your emperor, your absolute king, with arbitrary executive, legislative and judicial powers, including power of life and death, upon you, your family and any assets you may possess. You agree that you are liable to me of any sum of money that I'd require from you on any pretense. You agree that you owe me one hundred billion dollars, or the totality of your present and future assets, if you breach this license, or do anything that displeases me. You agree that in any conflict with me, you accept the arbitration of any judge that I would unilaterally nominate. You agree to be bound by the laws of any country or jurisdiction that I will choose. In case none of the above is applicable, you agree that the board of directors of Libertarian International may gather an arbitration committee to settle any case opposing us. [Comment: this article is for those people who believe in the validity of implicit acceptance of jurisdiction.]
Article 5a.
You agree that you owe me damage, interests and penalties based on the actual costs of any successful or unsuccessful, judicial prosecution or threat thereof that would be tried upon me because of such bogus licenses. The costs include opportunity costs because of wasted time, and immaterial damage as well material damage: bad reputation, moral injury, psychological stress, incidental health trouble, etc.
Article 5b.
In case you committed yourself, or gave your word to a boss, upstream provider, government, god, extra-terrestrial entity, two dollar whore or anyone that I would abide by the rules of any license, then it is your own liability to said boss, provider or whomever, if I don't. You agree that you assume the entirety of any legal risk with respect to my not respecting the terms by which your own provider of goods or services would like me to be bound.
Meta-License
This License itself is a copyrighted document released to you under the same license as my article on the Microsoft Monopoly. And of course, by contacting me in any way, or making any use of any information that is my intellectual property, or whatever, you are also subject to the terms of this very same license. It is a reflective license.