52 Tales of 2016: Mystery of the Defiant - Alt 11th Hour
Esmeralda Weatherwax (Discworld)
“Where is this place?” Granny asked.
A strange voice answered her in a language she didn't understand. It repeated itself in a couple of other languages until she could understand it. “This is the USS Defiant a Starfleet vessel.”
“Hah, show yourself, demon,” Granny said. She looked around the strange corridor, wondering what kind of hell it was, and why Death hadn't appeared to say that she was dead. She was at least entitled to that.
“I am not a demon. I am the ship's computer, a thinking machine if you prefer.”
“Ack! I heard that the wizards had one of them things up at the University. What's your name?”
“I have no name. You may address me as 'Computer' if you prefer.”
“Did you say ship? Are we at sea then?” She asked.
“We are in space, approximately twenty light years from the planet Earth, the home world of the majority of the other occupants of this vessel.”
“What's the name the of the turtle?” she asked. That seemed to flummox the 'computer' as it didn't answer right away.
“I do not understand the question, there are no turtles or any other kind of reptile aboard this vessel.”
“Well, of course it is not on board. It wouldn't fit. I mean what's the name of the turtle we're on the back of? And how many elephants are holding us up?”
“I am afraid I must be experiencing a malfunction in my universal translation matrix. Captain Benjamin Sisko has been notified. Unfortunately there are no other Starfleet personnel to administer a level ten diagnostic. I cannot answer a question I am not programmed to understand.”
“The Captain is by himself? How is he sailing the ship?”
“Others, including the Captain have been appearing aboard. The Captain has engaged the warp drive. ETA to Earth is four days.”
“Four days?”
“At Warp 9.2, it will take this vessel four days to reach Earth,” the computer answered. “Two crew are coming down to meet you.”
“Wizards?”
“There are no wizards aboard...”
Sisko had asked Daria to meet the new arrival, so she and Watney met her on Deck 2, in a corridor around 20 meters forward of Engineering. 'A witch?' Daria wondered.
The woman bowed. “Hail, Sister. Blessings be upon this vessel.”
Daria was unsure how to respond. “Hi, I'm Daria Morgendorffer, welcome aboard.”
“Mark Watney. What are you? A witch?” That earned him a sharp elbow to his ribs.
“I'm sorry for my companion. He left his manners on Mars, and you are?”
“Esmerelda Weatherwax, witch of Bad Ass, Lancre. But everybody calls me Granny.”
Daria was introducing Granny to those in the Mess Hall (it seemed that both Trump and Bender were wandering.)
Indeed, Trump was wandering. And also plotting. He had read up on the information on the Federation and its neighbors that the computer allowed him to have. 'These Ferengi sound like my kind of people,' he thought. Of course he thought that their view on women was abhorrent. They should have a role in society. The computer had also told him Daria's conclusion that the Defiant probably wasn't in a universe with a version of the Federation. 'But then it might be,' he concluded. However, he had to be prepared for other possibilities.
“Computer, bring up all information on the Democratic Order of Planets provided in the Futurama series and spinoff material.”
“Affirmative.”
Daria returned to the bridge, having left Granny in the Mess Hall. “What do you make of the new arrival?” Sisko asked.
“Strange, but also rather competent. Once I explained the situation, she understood it,” Daria answered.
“I have read up on the fictional continuity she is from,” Sisko said, handing Daria a PADD.
“Discworld, I have heard of it. Mostly in connection to a spectacularly inept wizard and his magical sentient Luggage,” Daria said. 'It is just as well that Rincewind wasn't sent here. The Luggage would soon have followed him.' She had read enough of The Color of Magic to understand that at least. Pratchett's comedic style was interesting, but she had wanted a more serious fiction to read at that time.
“Probably for the best,” Sisko said. “But we still need to be prepared in case someone antagonistic appears aboard.
Daria nodded. “It could have been Darth Vader instead of Ashoka.”
“Or Dukat instead of me.”
Daria nodded, she had seen enough of Deep Space Nine to know who Dukat was. “But the question is, how?”
“Of that, I am uncertain. I need to think.”
“I will think also,” Daria said. She turned to go.
“Daria...”
“Yes.”
“Of those currently aboard, you're the one I trust most.”
“What about Watney?”
“I trust him too, but, the others not so much. Especially President Trump.”
Daria returned to the Mess Hall. “Where's Ashoka?” she asked Tomoko-chan.
“She's talking to R2 in Engineering,” Tomoko answered.
“Of course,” Daria said. She could still see that Trump and Bender were missing. She looked to Watney, Esmerelda, Catwoman (who insisted she be called that) and Gyro. “Not to cause panic, but we need to be ready in case someone antagonistic arrives.”
“Like who?” Catwoman asked.
“It could have been the Joker, or Lex Luthor, instead of you.”
“I see your point.”
“It could be anybody!” Tomoko-chan said in a stressed tone of voice.
“Yes,” Daria said, uncertainly she took Tomoko-chan's hand in hers. Tomoko appreciated the gesture.
They talked for a while, before Gyro returned to sickbay.
Ashoka returned to the Bridge. “I thought you were with the others?” Sisko asked.
“Someone has to keep the captain company,” Ashoka said.
“Ms. Morgendorffer will be back before the next person appears.”
“Something wrong?” Ashoka asked.
“We need to be prepared for an antagonistic arrival.”
Ashoka thought for a moment. “Of course we do,” she said.
They were then silent for a while, before Daria returned to the bridge a minute before the next arrival.