(no subject)
i had a dream i was playing softball in a garage with Abby. she was up to bat. she looked just like i remember at 10 years old, but i was the bigger one now. 20 and too tall and adult. she didn't even recognize me, but i knew it was her. some adult was pitching over hand and too fast for any of the kids to hit. Mr. Hulka was there, watching the game. he got really upset and went and confronted the man and asked him what he was doing pitching at a kids softball game and then took Abby's hand and they just. disappeared. i went up to the man and posed the same question, told him to leave the garage. he started getting mouthy, so i punched him in the face and kept punching him until he was on the ground and i was just beating him with everything i had. i don't remember if he ever hit me.
people dragged me up, away. told me to leave it, he wasn't worth it. i spat at him. one of my teeth fell out and then i felt another grow loose and it fell out and so did another. my mouth was full of blood and i could feel the holes where my teeth should be so clearly with my tongue - slick and slimy and wrong and empty. i ran to my mom with my teeth in my palm and then woke up.
a night for firsts. i've never seen Abby in a dream before. i've never lost teeth in a dream before.
these are both things i hope will never be repeated.
got my hair cut today. my hair stylist is really cool; she's the regional ambassador for tigi salon products who does the bedhead line that i love. it smells like candy. it's divine, but expensive. (not a surprise.) she showed me all the new tigi style lookbooks and let me smell all the new unreleased products.
my hair's really short now, but we'd looked through the books and i wanted it short and so we just did it. it's different, but i don't mind it. there's just so much of my face and i don't like my face very much. nearly all the copper has been cut out of my hair. i want to get it redone but i also want to try something new. we'll see what happens.
the first thing my mom did when she got home was run her stupid fingers through my hair and make a face.
"it's so short," she whines, nose all scrunched up, "but breeny, it's so short, i don't like it."
i wanted it short. i like it short. i tell her to get over me doing things with my hair that she doesn't like.
"but i'm entitled to an opinion, too."
i tell her to go have her opinion somewhere else because there's no room where i am with how much i don't care.
but it hurts, you know? it will always hurt to know your mother thinks you look terrible when you can finally stand in your skin and not want to rip it off. no wonder my teeth are falling out in my dreams.
people dragged me up, away. told me to leave it, he wasn't worth it. i spat at him. one of my teeth fell out and then i felt another grow loose and it fell out and so did another. my mouth was full of blood and i could feel the holes where my teeth should be so clearly with my tongue - slick and slimy and wrong and empty. i ran to my mom with my teeth in my palm and then woke up.
a night for firsts. i've never seen Abby in a dream before. i've never lost teeth in a dream before.
these are both things i hope will never be repeated.
got my hair cut today. my hair stylist is really cool; she's the regional ambassador for tigi salon products who does the bedhead line that i love. it smells like candy. it's divine, but expensive. (not a surprise.) she showed me all the new tigi style lookbooks and let me smell all the new unreleased products.
my hair's really short now, but we'd looked through the books and i wanted it short and so we just did it. it's different, but i don't mind it. there's just so much of my face and i don't like my face very much. nearly all the copper has been cut out of my hair. i want to get it redone but i also want to try something new. we'll see what happens.
the first thing my mom did when she got home was run her stupid fingers through my hair and make a face.
"it's so short," she whines, nose all scrunched up, "but breeny, it's so short, i don't like it."
i wanted it short. i like it short. i tell her to get over me doing things with my hair that she doesn't like.
"but i'm entitled to an opinion, too."
i tell her to go have her opinion somewhere else because there's no room where i am with how much i don't care.
but it hurts, you know? it will always hurt to know your mother thinks you look terrible when you can finally stand in your skin and not want to rip it off. no wonder my teeth are falling out in my dreams.