It's that time of year
This is always the hardest time of year for me. Last year, i was a new mom and i was so overwhelmed and run down. I can't imagine how mothers without help do it. Brett was/is a godsend.
I hate the gloomy presence of February. We had one day of nearly 60° and it was so wonderful. It's always a good reminder that this gloom will come to an end.
I got a text from my long-suffering, ex sister in law last night. She told me that they finally auctioned off my brother's house. I looked it up online and saw a picture of the house with both of their cars in the driveway. That was nearly a decade ago. I thought i was done grieving him, but that picture made me so sad. His whole life is gone. His home, his car, his dignity. He was always a weekend warrior. He would go out on weekends originally and drink, etc. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but at some point he couldn't control it anymore.
Having to deal with people who have addiction issues is literally the hardest thing to deal with. You wish that your love and hopes for them is enough. I get so angry when people act as if I'm off because i don't choose to take part in that shit. I'm very cautious about how i handle myself, because addiction has no bounds.
I remember seeing my oldest brother walking around town when i was around 5-6. I would see him on my way to school and debate whether to throw my lunch out the bus window so that he wouldn't starve. Can you imagine thinking that at 5? I've carried that pain with me my whole life. I once beat up a girl at the bus stop for making fun of him. She thought he was just a random homeless guy.
Granted, he was only 18-19. He was a kid, too. I'm so happy that he is sober and so involved in my life today. However, that didn't come without a cost to his family. It should give me hope for Mike- but he's never really been kind or thoughtful. Addiction fits him like a glove. He loves being first.
We don't know where he is. I've had to cut him off. We all did. I know it has to be brutal for my parents. If he's not homeless yet, he will be soon.
I guess I'll just have to wait for the next 60° day.