A beautifully horrible state
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What a last couple of days! I am worn out. Exhausted beyond recognition in my emotional state, not to mention my physical being.
Arguments sucks: fear, crying, frustration and wording sucks!
I hate being a jealous person- i have such a hard time stiffling my jealous and trying to change that feeling into something else: like angry or pity or anything else. But its time to face the music I am the most jealous person ever, and sometimes i wish i could be anybody but me...just for a chance to experience the things I'm jealous about! God I am such a loser!
I came home today and guess who's home? Jayman(Jared) he got told to leave Camp because he was violent and cruel to other campers and councelors. My mom and Garnet went and got him and didn't get back until 3am. They were kinda angry at me because i wasn't there to babysit and clean up the house when they left; Instead they had my Nanna up ( and she doesn't tidy up anything) Today, Jared's pissy and angry at the world. He came at me this morning because i had cleaned his room and he couldn't find a certain card for his Yu-Gi-Oh deck. Needless to say he's getting to big for me to hold him and we were right near the stairs and I really didn't want him to fall down them/ run into and break the brand new air-conditioner thats on the landing. I'm going to have a huge bruise on my chest/ leg!
I was 25 minutes late for work, because my fucking house is a pigsty and Garnet's having his entire baseball team over(there is a tournament in Lakefield and they will be coming over after every game). My mother is just a wreck because of Jared and her late night and the state of the house(because my Nanna couldn't even clean up a little bit last night when my parents went out)So she was snappy this morning and screaming at the kids and me because I'm not there enough! Fuck! oh well, the house is as tidy/clean as i could get it.
She is kinda destroying the house because she is determined to get it the way she wants it. She's striped the walls of the hallway and is scrapping the blue paint off of all the trim. She also decided that she was going to tear down the shelves in the bathroom. My mother is a strange woman.
i ruined one of our fans and screens in the porch today. I was putting away my moms magazines(which go on the top shelf in our porch) i stood on a chair and as soon as i got the "Country Home" books upt here i lost balance and fell off the chair. The chair then when backwards into the wall/ knocked a fan over-into the window screen- and both the screen and fan fell to the ground. I broke both of them. Another screaming session form my mother.(which is understandable seeing how i actually broke something)
This is a emotional rant...so please don't look at this as a way to get attention it is simply a blow up at the world!(oh the irony) And later I will post something about how stupid these pety things are. And simply forget that i ever wrote this stuff. I hate pointless banter like this, but i love the rant/ramble like this.
God I'm confusing!