It's hard to move on - Part 3
He didn't see Ohno for a week after that night. The next time he met Ohno was when he dropped by Aiba's house to bother him. It was Saturday night and he was bored because he didn't have any new games to play. He knocked on Aiba's house but was disappointed when Sho told him that Aiba wasn't around but he will be back soon. So, without thinking, he decided to wait for Aiba in Sho's house, bothering the other guy who was reading a boring book.
But, Sho was a smart guy. Knowing that Nino wanted to bother him because he was bored, he decided to talk about the book he was reading, in the hope that it will make Nino gave up in bothering him. So, in the end, he let Sho read the book in silence as he checked his phone.
He didn't have to wait for Aiba for a long time. After twenty minutes of waiting, Aiba came home, bringing Ohno with him.
"Ah, Nino! What are you doing here?" Asked Aiba excitedly. "I thought it's your game night,"
"I completed the game," answered Nino simply.
"Online games?"
"Not in the mood to play that," said Nino. "Where did you go?"
"Club activity,"
"Sweets or muscle?"
"Muscle," said Aiba. "Have you eat your dinner?"
Nino shook his head. That's another reason he went to Aiba's house. To get free food. And he was glad to see both Aiba and Ohno brought bags of food home.
"Good! I was about to call you. We're going to have a party tonight," announced Aiba. At the same time, the bell was rung and Sho excused himself to get the door. When he came back, Jun was behind him, much to Nino's dismay. What a bad friend he was, for being unhappy to see his own friend.
"Brat, you are here! I thought we will have to drag you out of your house," said Jun when he saw Nino. Nino only smiled awkwardly at him, not knowing exactly how to react. He started to regret his decision to come here.
"Nino, can you help me with the plates?" Asked Ohno. Nino nodded his head. Silently, he thanked Ohno. The guy was always his saviour whenever he didn't know what to do each time he saw Jun.
He went to the kitchen to get the plates. When he came back, Aiba and Jun were chatting animatedly while Sho and Ohno were taking the food out from the bag.
"Here you go," said Nino, approaching his boss. Ohno smiled softly at him as he took the plates from him. He didn't notice everyone else was watching them until Jun teased him again.
"Are you sure you're not dating? You are being even more lovey dovey than these two,"
"We're just putting the food on the plates! How could it be lovey dovey?" Nino reasoned. He wondered why people kept thinking he was dating Ohno when they were just doing normal things.
"Awww. Next time I will record both of you and you can see the way both of you looked at each other. It was the look of love, right, Aiba chan?" countered Jun. Aiba simply nodded his head, happy to have someone supported him.
"Matsujun, don't tease Nino anymore," said Ohno in a stern voice. It had an impact on Jun who stopped grinning idiotically at them. He immediately changed the topic and started talking about his wedding. Upon hearing them talking about the wedding, Nino had a mixed emotion. He was happy that he was no longer the centre of their attention. But, he was also heartbroken to hear Jun planning his future. A future without him in it.
He felt like a loner listening to Jun. Of course, he barely heard anything as he was deep in his own thought, thinking that he will be alone at the end. Aiba will be with Sho, Jun will be with his wife. How about him? Alone till the end of his life.
Suddenly, a warm, soft hand touched his shoulder. He turned to his side, to look at the person sitting next to him. It was Ohno. He was smiling softly at him. He stared at the other guy and for a moment, he felt he was alone with Ohno. He could not hear Aiba's giggle nor Jun's or Sho's voice. Only him and Ohno.
That's when he realized something. Ohno knew all along that Jun was the person he loved. It wasn't a mere coincidence that Ohno had saved him from Jun. He knew Nino was uncomfortable whenever Jun was around. He was always there to distract Nino from focusing on his feeling for Jun so that it won't be too awkward between them. He remembered being puzzled when Ohno apologized to him when Jun appeared unannounced in the office a few days ago. It wasn't for taking his time from work. It was because he made him faced Jun when he wasn't ready.
Ohno slowly touched his hand. He seemed unsure with his action so Nino gripped his hand tightly, showing his gratefulness for what Ohno had done to him. He wasn't alone. Ohno was with him. Maybe not till the end of his life. But, he wanted to treasure this moment of having someone silently supported him.
A warm, affectionate feeling enveloped him. And that's when he realized something else.
He has fallen in love with Ohno.
Nino could not sleep. He was confused.
The reason?
Well, isn't obvious? He wasn't sure of his feeling anymore. He had been in love with Jun for years. How could he fall in love with Ohno? But, he was pretty confident that love is what he felt for his boss right now. Maybe it's a rebound love, then. He just loved the way Ohno treated him.
He stared at the guy who was sleeping next to him. On a separate futon. All five of them ended up sleeping at Aiba's house. Nino could easily go to his own house but he was too lazy to move so he joined the sleep over as well. Aiba and Sho were sleeping together in a futon while Jun declared the couch as his sleeping spot.
He felt like a stalker, staring at Ohno while he was sleeping. But, he cannot take his eyes off him. It just... Soothed him, he guessed as he looked at Ohno's peaceful face.
"Am I in love with you?" He found himself asking the question to no one. It was his inner voice. If he was indeed in love with Ohno, what should he do? Should he confess? Will Ohno love him if he confesses? Or, would things be awkward between them if he confessed?
As he thought of that, there was a soft buzzing sound. It was Ohno's phone. He didn't mean to look but he cannot stop himself. There was a message for Ohno and he read it. He regretted it almost immediately. But, there was nothing he could do about it. He cannot unseen what he had seen.
'Satoshi honey, are you sleeping?'
He let out a sigh. How could he be this stupid? How could he, for one second, think that he could be with Ohno? Ohno is a successful young man. True, he might not be lucky with his love before this, but that doesn't mean he isn't with anyone right now. This message served as the proof that Ohno already has someone special. Sho was the person closest to Ohno and he already warned Aiba not to force Nino and Ohno's relationship. It must be because he knew Ohno already dated someone. After all, no matter how close they seem to be, no matter how many people thought they look cute together, there was still an invisible boundary between them and it wasn't something that he can destroy easily.
What a stupid person he is!
And, now, what Ohno said before resounded in his head.
Because his love story just ended before it could even start.
Luckily, he noticed his feeling for Ohno earlier this time. So, it meant there was still time to avoid himself from falling deeper in love with Ohno. All he had to do is spending less time with Ohno.
But, easier said than done.
The first month was easy. Ohno wasn't in Tokyo. He went to Osaka for a business trip. When he was back from the trip, he was rarely in the office so Nino didn't have to see him.
"~Nino~" Ohno sing song his name when he suddenly appeared in front of his house on a Saturday. Nino opened the door without expecting to see him so he looked at him weirdly. "Aiba invited you to watch a movie with us,"
"What movie?" He regretted his tone almost immediately. He sounded too eager to join Ohno. Probably because he was too excited to see him. He cannot deny it. He really missed the other guy.
"The greatest showman," answered Ohno.
"Oh," remembering that he had to avoid Ohno, he rejected the offer. "I would love to join but I already watch the movie,"
"Me too. But I love the movie so I've been watching it again and again. Let's watch it together,"
"Maybe next time. I have my games club activity to do," said Nino, pointing at his living room where his game console was switched on. "I didn't know that you have movie club now,"
Ohno simply laughed at his lame joke.
"Okay, enjoy your game night,"
It was easy to avoid Ohno at that time.
But, for the next one, it was very extremely difficult and troublesome as well as challenging to avoid Ohno. It may sound like he was exaggerating but tell him how could he avoid Ohno when they will spend 10 days together in LA.
In the same room.
J, being the diva, organized his wedding reception in LA. So, Sho suggested they had their vacation there. Nino simply agreed because he wanted to get away from work and it was before he realized he was in love with Ohno.
They arrived late at night. Once arrived in the hotel room, Nino immediately went to sleep. He had a terrible headache as well as a fever. His friends noticed how sick he was and advised him to simply rest.
He thought his fever would go away after the rest. But, he was wrong. When he woke up the next morning, he could feel his temperature was still high.
"Sho chan," he heard Ohno's soft voice talking on the phone. "Nino is still sick. I think we will not join you today. I will take care of Nino,"
Nino was horrified to hear that. Ohno wanted to take care of him? That's bad news. He didn't want to be left alone with Ohno.
"Don't do that. Just go and enjoy yourself. I can take care of Nino," said Ohno, ending the phone call.
Without thinking, Nino stood up to show that he was fine. But, it was a bad move. He only walked for a few steps when his headache returned. It caused him to stumble near the bed and it alerted Ohno that he was awake. Ohno immediately ran to his bed to see what happened.
"Nino, do you want anything? I can get for you," asked Ohno as he carried him back to the bed. Nino couldn't help but blush to be carried in a princess style by Ohno.
"Whattimeisitnow?" Asked Nino. He wondered if Ohno heard what he was saying because even he himself was not sure.
"What did you say?" Asked Ohno once again. He put his palm on Nino's forehead. "Nino, you're burning. I'll call the doctor,"
Ohno was about to get his phone but Nino stopped him.
"It'sokay. It'snotbad," mumbled Nino.
"You can't even talk properly," said Ohno as he swiped the bang that was covering Nino's eyes.
"Just rest," once again, Ohno tried to get his phone but Nino pulled his hand and made space on his bed. Ohno seemed to understand what he was trying to do and he climbed on the bed. Immediately, Nino hugged him once he was beside him. He felt a lot warmer when Ohno returned the hug. He blamed his fever for being this clingy.
Just this time. He won't do this again. Just let him felt like he was loved. Only this time. He kept reminding himself that as he fell asleep once again.
"Nino, wake up," Ohno's soft voice woke him up from his sleep. He opened his eyes to see Ohno's beautiful eyes stared at him. Being shy to be stared like that, he immediately rose from his lying position. Thankfully, his headache wasn't as bad as before so he managed to sit properly beside Ohno.
"Sorry," he apologized.
"It's okay," answered Ohno. "Are you sure you don't want me to call the doctor? You are still burning,"
Nino shook his head. He hated seeing a doctor. He hated eating medicine. So, each time he was sick, he will only rest without seeing a doctor.
"Okay. I'll call the room service to bring food then,"
Nino wanted to protest. He didn't have any appetite to eat. But, Ohno was looking at him sternly to show that he won't take no as an answer.
As soon as Ohno ended the call for the room service, someone knocked on their door. Nino looked at Ohno confusedly, wondering who came to their room. It can't be the room service because it's too early.
Ohno went to open the door and Nino could hear voices talking. But, he cannot hear clearly whose voice it was so he still didn't know who came until Jun appeared with Ohno behind him
"Are you okay, Nino?" Asked Jun, pulling a chair to sit near Nino.
Nino nodded his head. Silently, he was thankful for Jun to come. It's irony to think that he used to be thankful to Ohno when he was alone with Jun. Now, he was thankful for having Jun when he was alone with Ohno.
"I bet you didn't call the doctor," said Jun. He looked at Ohno for answer and the other guy confirmed it with a nod.
"Take a rest, okay. I have to postpone my wedding tomorrow if you're not there," said Jun. Nino tried to laugh but it's too hard so he only gave him a smile.
"Do you mind to look after Nino while I take a bath? The room service should be here soon," asked Ohno.
"Sure. Don't worry. I used to take care of Nino when he is sick. It was common for Nino to be sick when we travelled to another country," said Jun. Nino glared at him for telling Ohno about that but Jun ignored his glare.
He was then being left alone with Jun. It was weird to think that he didn't feel awkward being left with Jun this time. Was it too soon for him to move on from his feeling for Jun when he realized he was in love with Ohno?
"Don't waste your chance this time, okay, brat," said Jun. Nino gave him a questioning look because he didn't understand what his friend was talking about.
"You like him, right?" Asked Jun softly. Nino wanted to deny but... Well, he ended up nodding his head, knowing that it would be futile to deny.
Jun stared at him for a few seconds. He looked like he wanted to say something but he stayed silent for a few minutes. He finally started talking again after sighing.
"I have something to tell you," said Jun. Once again, Nino gave him a questioning look, wondering what he was going to tell him.
However, Jun didn't tell him straight away. He seemed to hesitate. Nino didn't want to force him so he stayed quiet until Jun was ready.
"I know about your feeling,"
Nino's eyes were wide in surprise to hear that. He didn't want to look at his own face, knowing that it will be red because of the embarrassment.
"It wasn't too subtle, you know. It wasn't your expression that made me know. You're quite good with poker face. It was more to your gesture and the way you blushed whenever I was near you. I thought that I may be imagining it at first. We fought all the time so it was impossible for you to love me. But, when you started to avoid me after I started dating Mao chan, I was certain that you love me,"
Nino couldn't bring himself to look at Jun. He kept staring at the bed.
"I thought it will be good if I pretend not to notice it. I thought it will be better if I let you avoid me. I'm afraid that if I reject you directly, you don't want to be my friend anymore. I didn't know that doing that cause you more pain,"
He wondered why Jun suddenly decided to talk about this.
"I don't know why I want to talk about this now. Maybe because you're finally alone with me. Nino, I'm sorry. I don't love you,"
Nino was shocked. But, he wasn't shocked because he was rejected. He was shocked because somehow, hearing the rejection made him feel... How should he describe it? Lighter, maybe?
"I want you to be happy. So, if you love someone, please let him know, okay?"
Jun cocked his head towards the direction of the bathroom where Ohno was taking his bath. Nino gave him a smile. No, he won't let Ohno knows about it. He couldn't bear to hear the rejection from Ohno, knowing that the guy already has someone.
Nino felt a lot better in the evening. The headache was gone and his body wasn't as hot as before. The food and the sleep had helped him to feel healthy again. And of course, he had regained his energy thanks to the way Ohno was taking care of him.
Aiba and Sho came to visit him after they done sightseeing. Aiba came to his room telling Ohno and Sho the story about how bad he was each time he was sick. He even told them how he screamed when he and Jun forced him to eat medicine. He only glared at Aiba as he watched how the others were laughing. Silently, he vowed to plot a revenge when he was better.
"So, where do you want to eat?" Asked Ohno when they were getting ready to go out. As he was feeling better, he decided to eat outside with Aiba and Sho.
"Anywhere," was Nino's short answer.
He noticed how Ohno flinched for a moment when Nino answered him lazily. He barely spoke anything to Ohno. He could use his health as his reason for his lack of enthusiasm to talk with Ohno. However, the visit from Aiba made him about 55% as talkative as he always was. So, Ohno would know there was something else that made him uncomfortable to be with Ohno.
He knew what he did hurt Ohno. But, this is what he had to do to protect his own heart. It was hard for him to move on once he fell in love so it's better to avoid Ohno now.
"Let's go," said Ohno. He nodded and followed Ohno from behind.
They met Sho and Aiba as soon as they closed the door. He immediately approached Aiba so that he won't be left alone with Ohno as they walked together to the car park. Once in the car, Aiba and Sho sat in front, with Sho being the driver and both he and Ohno sat together at the back.
If there was any kind of weird tension between them, it wasn't noticeable as Aiba merrily talked. He joined the conversation if there was a chance to tease Aiba but Ohno remained silent. From the corner if his eyes, he could see Ohno was watching him but he ignored him.
The same thing happened while they were eating. Aiba may not notice the awkward atmosphere but Sho seemed to sense it. He kept looking at both of them suspiciously. But, thankfully, he didn't say anything.
They went straight to the hotel after dinner. Once they were inside their room, Ohno didn't wait to ask him.
"Nino, are you angry at me?"
"Huh? No, why would I be angry at you?" he pretended not to understand what Ohno meant. He hoped that Ohno won't push him to talk but Ohno seemed stubborn.
"Nino," Ohno begged. "I don't want to spend this holiday thinking that I upset you. So, if I did something wrong, just tell me, okay. I will fix it if I can,"
"Nothing..." Answered Nino. "I'm just doing this... You won't understand. It's complicated. It's about my... feeling,"
He mumbled the last word, hoping Ohno won't hear it.
"Feeling?"
"To protect my own heart," he blurted it out. By seeing Ohno's confused face, he bet the guy didn't understand.
"Are you upset because of Matsujun's wedding tomorrow?" Asked Ohno, earning furrowed eyebrow from Nino. It took him a while but he finally realized that Ohno thought he was still in love with Jun.
"I'll be there to support you," said Ohno, holding his hand.
To be honest, Nino loved the way Ohno's hands felt on his. But, this wasn't the time to fantasize so he pushed Ohno's hands away, which, as expected, hurt Ohno's feeling.
When he looked at Ohno's painful expression, he remembered what Jun told him earlier today. Avoiding Ohno may not solve the problem. It didn't work on Jun so maybe if he heard the rejection from Ohno directly, it would help him to move on. After all, he owed Ohno an explanation for the way he had treated him.
"Don't be so nice to me. It's bad for my heart,"
"I don't understand,"
Nino looked at him, still thinking whether he should confess. But, he was already halfway in confessing so with a heavy breath...
"I think I am in love with you,"
To say Ohno was shocked was understatement. He was looking at Nino with a look full of questions. He didn't say anything, only looked at Nino with confusion in his eyes.
"Did I hear correctly?" He asked after a long silence.
Nino didn't answer him immediately. He was trying to think of a better way to respond. To not sound too desparate.
"Look," Nino began. He wasn't sure what he was going to say was a good response but he had to say it anyway. "I don't want things to be awkward between us. I admit I was in love with Jun but recently... The person I dream about when I go to sleep is you. I keep imagining life with you as my partner. I enjoyed the time we spent together. I was worried when you were sick and even disappointed when you refused to stay over when I offered you. I didn't know I was in love with you until the day you hold my hand, supporting me silently when Jun was talking about his future,"
As usual, Ohno always had a power to make him express his feeling better when he was around. Once he started talking about his feeling, he cannot stop until he felt satisfied. And now he's getting to the hardest part of his confession. He's going to be rejected. And that's why he had to make Ohno understood why he wanted to keep his distance with Ohno.
"People keep saying that we look cute together, right? But, what they said didn't matter because it is our life. I know you're going to reject me because you love someone else. I cannot stand seeing you with other person, so, please, don't be too nice to me? Let's keep our relationship as boss and employee, okay?"
He didn't realize when his tears start to flow down. Maybe since he started talking. He wanted to stop crying but he couldn't. The tears keep flowing and it made him even more embarrassed. It showed how weak he was.
Suddenly, Ohno approached him and hugged him tightly. He stroked Nino's back softly and brought him to sit on the bed. He couldn't help but hating himself even more because he cannot push Ohno away. He still wanted Ohno to comfort him. What a weakling!
"I don't want us to be boss and employee. I want to continue being nice with you," Ohno said with a soft smile. Nino wanted to protest but Ohno put a finger on his lips. "Because I love you too,"
This time, it was Nino's turn to be surprised. Did Ohno just say he loves him too? Or did he hear wrongly?
"What do you mean I love someone else? What makes you said that?" Asked Ohno in confusion.
Nino blinked his eyes and with a stutter, he talked about what Sho told him before and the message he accidentally saw. To his surprise, Ohno laughed at him.
"Naughty Nino looking at my message," said Ohno, pinching at his nose. "But, I bet you didn't see who it was from,"
Ohno then took out his own phone and then seemed to search for a message before showing the message to Nino. Nino looked at the phone and saw the same message he saw before. Then, he looked at the top to see who it was from. He was embarrassed when he saw the message was from...
"My mother always call me Satoshi honey. Sometimes she texted me in the middle of the night whenever she cannot sleep," explained Ohno.
"Oh," was Nino's response. He didn't know what else to say to hide his embarrassment.
"As for what Sho said, you never thought he was talking about you?"
Nino could feel his face turned red. He immediately shook his head. He tried to remember that night, to remember how Sho looked like when he told him about the person Ohno loves. His eyes wide in surprise when he remember how Sho had looked at him in amusement. Indirectly, Sho had told him that he was the person that Ohno loves but he thought Sho dismissed the idea of him being that person.
"But... You said your love story ended before it could start," said Nino, remembering what Ohno told him before.
"Because... You asked me a day after I listened to your love story and Matsujun. I've been in love with you for a looooong time and when I know you love another person, of course I was heartbroken. That's why I told you that," answered Ohno.
Hearing what Ohno said, Nino couldn't help but feel guilty for Ohno. He was very immature, it was something that he knew for a long time. Both of them had been heartbroken but the way they handled it was different. He was trying to avoid the person he loves. But, Ohno had been trying to support him, even though it was hurting him.
"I don't deserve you," he muttered. "You're too nice,"
"Nino," said Ohno, holding his hand tightly. "I'm not nice. Maybe, some part of me was hoping that you will love me back if I was there for you. But, I want to assure you that I'm not doing it because of that. I'm doing that because I don't want to see you sad. It hurts me to see you hurt. That's why, I'm trying my best to keep the smile on your face. To show that you're not alone,"
Nino didn't say anything. He simply put his head on Ohno's chest before Ohno brought both of them to lie down on his bed.
"Let's sleep. You still need to rest. If not, Matsujun will postpone his wedding if you cannot make it tomorrow,"
Nino nodded his head. He felt very comfortable to lie down next to Ohno.
The end?
Bonus