wow
1 YEAR
i remember this day vividly. i woke up, already on xmas break, and i was home alone. michelle had came over and we hung out. we drove out to chris's house. we went to in n out to eat. then we played video games. on the way back i slept while she drove. and it was like around 6 when i got back. my aunt, matts mom, was in the hospital and i didnt feel like going but something told me i had to be there. At Glendale Adventist hospital, the whole waiting room was full of my family. So it was around 8:30 when we had to leave cos visiting hours were over. Even though he wasnt supposed to, Matt decided to stay and spend the night with his mom and my other aunt at the hospital. The last time i saw him, he was trying to get comfortable on the window sill. i didnt say bye. i just figured it was just another day of seeing him why would i need to bug him while hes trying to sleep. Since he wasnt leaving, my sister and I took his gf, damaris, home that night. So i got home, fell asleep. I guess at one point that night he decided to leave to my grandmas's house, his home. He was invited to kyles bday dinner so he left to go be with them. On the way back from the dinner at around 1 or 2 in the morning, he slid of the road into a tree. His life along with merrills and seans, was over. i can remember last year, waking up at 3 in morning to my sister telling me something happened. I was thinking something happened to my aunt. But she was fine so i was so confused. i could hear that my mom was crying in her room while my dad was trying to comfort her. my sister ran back to her room and i asked her... what happened. she said "Matt might of died". i walked back into my room confused so I lied down and closed my eyes. i prayed that it wasnt true. i prayed and prayed. my mom shortly came into my room and told me he passed away and he was in a car accident. i couldnt believe it. i didnt cry. i showed no emotion. my nina picked my sister and me up from the house to go to my tios house. i didnt sleep the whole day. it was the longest day of my life. that whole day i just hoped that it wasnt real. that merril and maatt woould walk in as if nothing happened. I remember going to sleep that night crying and hoping it was all a nightmare.
so its around this time last year that i last saw my cousin.Its very unbelievable. its hard to push it away and act like its not there. there its been 365 days, and not one day has passed that i didnt think of him. thats crazy. i cant believe its one year. that seemed so long before. but this year has just gone by so fast. And in about 4- 5 hours, while im sleeping it will be a year since his death. i cant believe it.
I dont even know how i feel. of course, i miss him and i would give anything to see him again. but thats impossible right now.
i was scared to reached a year. i couldnt imagine how my life would be a year later. a year without matt. ive learned so much about life and about myself in this past year. ive become my own. ive experienced new and different things. although, i would have much rather been spending this year watching my cousin grow more and more. its hard. very hard. its an emotional day i dont wanna be a part of. i dont know what im going to do.
the 20th of December, the 20th of any month will never be the same for me.
i remember this day vividly. i woke up, already on xmas break, and i was home alone. michelle had came over and we hung out. we drove out to chris's house. we went to in n out to eat. then we played video games. on the way back i slept while she drove. and it was like around 6 when i got back. my aunt, matts mom, was in the hospital and i didnt feel like going but something told me i had to be there. At Glendale Adventist hospital, the whole waiting room was full of my family. So it was around 8:30 when we had to leave cos visiting hours were over. Even though he wasnt supposed to, Matt decided to stay and spend the night with his mom and my other aunt at the hospital. The last time i saw him, he was trying to get comfortable on the window sill. i didnt say bye. i just figured it was just another day of seeing him why would i need to bug him while hes trying to sleep. Since he wasnt leaving, my sister and I took his gf, damaris, home that night. So i got home, fell asleep. I guess at one point that night he decided to leave to my grandmas's house, his home. He was invited to kyles bday dinner so he left to go be with them. On the way back from the dinner at around 1 or 2 in the morning, he slid of the road into a tree. His life along with merrills and seans, was over. i can remember last year, waking up at 3 in morning to my sister telling me something happened. I was thinking something happened to my aunt. But she was fine so i was so confused. i could hear that my mom was crying in her room while my dad was trying to comfort her. my sister ran back to her room and i asked her... what happened. she said "Matt might of died". i walked back into my room confused so I lied down and closed my eyes. i prayed that it wasnt true. i prayed and prayed. my mom shortly came into my room and told me he passed away and he was in a car accident. i couldnt believe it. i didnt cry. i showed no emotion. my nina picked my sister and me up from the house to go to my tios house. i didnt sleep the whole day. it was the longest day of my life. that whole day i just hoped that it wasnt real. that merril and maatt woould walk in as if nothing happened. I remember going to sleep that night crying and hoping it was all a nightmare.
so its around this time last year that i last saw my cousin.Its very unbelievable. its hard to push it away and act like its not there. there its been 365 days, and not one day has passed that i didnt think of him. thats crazy. i cant believe its one year. that seemed so long before. but this year has just gone by so fast. And in about 4- 5 hours, while im sleeping it will be a year since his death. i cant believe it.
I dont even know how i feel. of course, i miss him and i would give anything to see him again. but thats impossible right now.
i was scared to reached a year. i couldnt imagine how my life would be a year later. a year without matt. ive learned so much about life and about myself in this past year. ive become my own. ive experienced new and different things. although, i would have much rather been spending this year watching my cousin grow more and more. its hard. very hard. its an emotional day i dont wanna be a part of. i dont know what im going to do.
the 20th of December, the 20th of any month will never be the same for me.