Entry II
"We could live through these letters, or forget it all together. See the months, they don't matter. It's the days I can't take, when the hours move to minutes, and I'm seconds away."
So this is my second entry of this "Day". I can't sleep. I can't think about anything but what a failure I am at life right now. The first thing that comes to mind when my head hit my pillow was how alone I was, how the "other" side of my bed was empty, and had been for over a year. That's not really a big issue, I know plenty of people who's bed has never been regularly graced by another person, but are with someone none the less. I guess it signifies my lonelyness. But the bigger issue is that when I look into the future, I can't imagine anyone being there anymore. It used to be the opposite, it was so hard to imagine it being empty, my life being without someone. Now I'm having a hard time even thinking that I'll ever not be alone. I can't keep a girlfriend, even one that is totally in love with me, and vice versa. If I can't make that work, then how am I going to make anything less work? Even more so does anything more exist? I have a feeling that that's as good as it gets, mainly because I can't imagine anything better, any more perfect or amazing. If I can't make a perfect match, a perfect relationship, last more then a couple months, then how can I make anything else last forever? I look ahead and where Tiffany used to be, there's nobody. I'm doomed to be alone, alone and bewildered as to what my life is for, what it's meaning is. Then it hits me. Love is the meaning of life. The purpose of our existance is to make each other happy, sad, miserable. In the end, there's only one end game, you're either in love, or you're alone. Our purpose on earth, is to love someone. If you don't, then what is there left to do? Material things, in the end they may not matter, but really that's all thats left without it. They lack emotion, granted they make you angry, tired, nervous, ect. But in the end if you didn't have any emotions at all you could still perform the tasks at hand. I just don't see a happy ending at this point in my life and its very depressing. I'll get a job, I'll have friends, but in the end, I'll be alone in my endeavors through life, and that bothers me.
So this is my second entry of this "Day". I can't sleep. I can't think about anything but what a failure I am at life right now. The first thing that comes to mind when my head hit my pillow was how alone I was, how the "other" side of my bed was empty, and had been for over a year. That's not really a big issue, I know plenty of people who's bed has never been regularly graced by another person, but are with someone none the less. I guess it signifies my lonelyness. But the bigger issue is that when I look into the future, I can't imagine anyone being there anymore. It used to be the opposite, it was so hard to imagine it being empty, my life being without someone. Now I'm having a hard time even thinking that I'll ever not be alone. I can't keep a girlfriend, even one that is totally in love with me, and vice versa. If I can't make that work, then how am I going to make anything less work? Even more so does anything more exist? I have a feeling that that's as good as it gets, mainly because I can't imagine anything better, any more perfect or amazing. If I can't make a perfect match, a perfect relationship, last more then a couple months, then how can I make anything else last forever? I look ahead and where Tiffany used to be, there's nobody. I'm doomed to be alone, alone and bewildered as to what my life is for, what it's meaning is. Then it hits me. Love is the meaning of life. The purpose of our existance is to make each other happy, sad, miserable. In the end, there's only one end game, you're either in love, or you're alone. Our purpose on earth, is to love someone. If you don't, then what is there left to do? Material things, in the end they may not matter, but really that's all thats left without it. They lack emotion, granted they make you angry, tired, nervous, ect. But in the end if you didn't have any emotions at all you could still perform the tasks at hand. I just don't see a happy ending at this point in my life and its very depressing. I'll get a job, I'll have friends, but in the end, I'll be alone in my endeavors through life, and that bothers me.