so i was wrong..
ok..so what..a girl is allowed to be wrong once in a while right?..cuz this weekend was nothing like what i was expecting..friday night well, did nothing but that wasnt really what i considered the start of my "awesome weekend"..saturday morning was..it started out great, went to South Forsyth for the WGI competition w/ sterling and her dad and that was cool while we hung out and stuff then she had to leave early, and this was where my weekend was going downhill..
when sterling left she had to leave cuz her brother, damian, wasnt feeling good, so she left, and i was there by myself..no one was paying any attention to me and whoever i tried talking to would always go away, so anyways i ended up sitting next to brandon in the stands while watching the rest of the drumlines perform..they were really good..but i started to get bummed..i saw all these cute couples hugging each other and just bein happy around each other and it made me start to think of V-day (valentines day) again..so anyways, chhs drumline had to leave for retreat and i just went w/ sink, faylon, and cailey over to the other side of the stands to watch the retreat, and they didnt really ignore me, i tried to get involved with there conversations but it didnt really work, but cailey and faylon asked me if i wanted some candy or stuff bein real nice and then sink was just hitting on me..w/e..it creeped me out..anyways..so after the retreat i found chris and me and him went to the irby's car since they were the ones driving me back to school, so we get in the car and somehow we get into the conversation of Jobs, so when we get back to the school mr.irby asked me if i needed a job and i said yeah i could really use one, and he gave me his card and i was like YES! finally a job!!..then today i found out that Kirsten, one of the girls in the car, was over at there house and asked if she could get a job there, and mr.irby was like "yeah just tell amy she cant have it" which sucked! cuz i really needed that job, kristens friggin 15 and can find a job freakin easily im 14 so im trying to get as many job offerings or job findings as i can to try to pay for the horse i want to buy..gosh..but anyways so that was mainly saturday, and of course you know all about the mall on saturday with sterling nothing went wrong there that was fun, prolly the highlight of my weekend..
sunday..hm..well i went to church and for once it was actually pretty fun..cept i did almost fall asleep in service but its ok i survived, actually kept my mom awake lol anyways so after church i came home and took a nap and baked cookies for katies party..after i got ready my mom and i went to go pick up jeana and sterling to go to the party..so im at the party and it started out good me jeana sterling and katie were out on the trampoline and stuff that was fun and then everyone starts coming, and i get hot so i go upstairs to change into one of katies shirts, i loved that shirt by the way haha, anyways so that was alright, then eric came, him and stephen started playing pool and i had made the comment about how i was bigger than eric and then eric goes to say "no amy, your just fatter than me" which freakin hurt..cuz i cant stress enough that he of all people should know im overly senstive about my weight and about 2 or 3 minutes later katie notices that somethings wrong, and i just start crying right there and i mean i CRIED! and i felt so embarassed and i thought eric had left and i was like maybe its for the better, then i see him come around the corner towards me and he apologizes and i tell him that he should know that im senstive about that he junk then he leaves and i started crying a little bit more, and he comes back and apologizes again, and lord knows i was never really mad at that kid, i was just upset because i hear a lot of people calling me fat, but never from a good friend, and yes i know he was kidding just..idk..it got to me..and maybe to you thats called overreacting but to me its called hitting a soft spot, but w/e i forgave him and i wasnt ever mad at him..so it was all good and i dired my tears and i went upstairs to put make-up back on, and then went downstairs and had an ok time from then on..until i noticing people ignoring me, and idk if they were just afraid to talk to me since i was crying but idk, but no one would really talk to me besides joey and stephen and i think they just wanted to get some..well not stephen since hes got amanda but i mean ugh you know what i mean i think..idk..anyways so i felt left out, going in and out in and out of her house until i decided that i just wanted to go home and i wasnt having a good time, but me and sterling near the end went outside and we just TALKED like no other..i mean we really talked about everything, so i was glad i just get all out, and dont try to go over to her and ask her what i had told her because i know she wont tell you so, save your breath..anyways..so that was my sucky-lame-stupid weekend..consumed mainly of depression, something i severely have and want to get over it so horrendously bad!!..v-day is going to definately suck..
i talked to my mom about it, the v-day thing, and she understands that i know that im young and everything but i told her that when im put into the type of environment where everyone around me is in a couple, if feels almost like peer pressure to have one but that it wasnt just peer pressure but also the longing to have someone to hold, to have someone who would be there with me through thick and thin and stuff..and i know a lot of people know im a totally different girl when ive got a boyfriend, they cant even see the depression in me, cuz im such a lively upbeat person when im involved in a relationship..but..i fear that i'll never be able to get a boyfriend because im so depressed and that makes me depressed even more..it sucks..i hate being single..i honestly do, and idk if this is all pms talking or what but i dont like being single..no im not DESPRET to get a guy, ok im not that pathetic..
whatever..this month is gonna suck..all because i didnt do the "rabbit rabbit" thing on the morning of Feb.1 great...im doomed for the month..
idk what to do though yall..i know some of my friends are like, i'll find you a boyfriend amy i'll make you happy well..go ahead..try try as you might but i can tell you now that you wont be able to..and even though you can really give me any advice i sure could use some..NEW advice that is..not the lame stuff people keep tellin me over and over and over again!
i get that im only 14 years old, i get that im only a freshman in highschool, i get that i have my whole life to live and find that one true love of mine..i get it all..but have i ever acted like i was a 14 year old freshman who has her whole life to live?..no..i havent..and i dont mean to boast but im a pretty mature person for a girl of my age, i dont act like a typical 14 year old freshman in highschool, much less look it..
i just dont get it
and i want it all to end..
the whole single thing..i hate it
<3
when sterling left she had to leave cuz her brother, damian, wasnt feeling good, so she left, and i was there by myself..no one was paying any attention to me and whoever i tried talking to would always go away, so anyways i ended up sitting next to brandon in the stands while watching the rest of the drumlines perform..they were really good..but i started to get bummed..i saw all these cute couples hugging each other and just bein happy around each other and it made me start to think of V-day (valentines day) again..so anyways, chhs drumline had to leave for retreat and i just went w/ sink, faylon, and cailey over to the other side of the stands to watch the retreat, and they didnt really ignore me, i tried to get involved with there conversations but it didnt really work, but cailey and faylon asked me if i wanted some candy or stuff bein real nice and then sink was just hitting on me..w/e..it creeped me out..anyways..so after the retreat i found chris and me and him went to the irby's car since they were the ones driving me back to school, so we get in the car and somehow we get into the conversation of Jobs, so when we get back to the school mr.irby asked me if i needed a job and i said yeah i could really use one, and he gave me his card and i was like YES! finally a job!!..then today i found out that Kirsten, one of the girls in the car, was over at there house and asked if she could get a job there, and mr.irby was like "yeah just tell amy she cant have it" which sucked! cuz i really needed that job, kristens friggin 15 and can find a job freakin easily im 14 so im trying to get as many job offerings or job findings as i can to try to pay for the horse i want to buy..gosh..but anyways so that was mainly saturday, and of course you know all about the mall on saturday with sterling nothing went wrong there that was fun, prolly the highlight of my weekend..
sunday..hm..well i went to church and for once it was actually pretty fun..cept i did almost fall asleep in service but its ok i survived, actually kept my mom awake lol anyways so after church i came home and took a nap and baked cookies for katies party..after i got ready my mom and i went to go pick up jeana and sterling to go to the party..so im at the party and it started out good me jeana sterling and katie were out on the trampoline and stuff that was fun and then everyone starts coming, and i get hot so i go upstairs to change into one of katies shirts, i loved that shirt by the way haha, anyways so that was alright, then eric came, him and stephen started playing pool and i had made the comment about how i was bigger than eric and then eric goes to say "no amy, your just fatter than me" which freakin hurt..cuz i cant stress enough that he of all people should know im overly senstive about my weight and about 2 or 3 minutes later katie notices that somethings wrong, and i just start crying right there and i mean i CRIED! and i felt so embarassed and i thought eric had left and i was like maybe its for the better, then i see him come around the corner towards me and he apologizes and i tell him that he should know that im senstive about that he junk then he leaves and i started crying a little bit more, and he comes back and apologizes again, and lord knows i was never really mad at that kid, i was just upset because i hear a lot of people calling me fat, but never from a good friend, and yes i know he was kidding just..idk..it got to me..and maybe to you thats called overreacting but to me its called hitting a soft spot, but w/e i forgave him and i wasnt ever mad at him..so it was all good and i dired my tears and i went upstairs to put make-up back on, and then went downstairs and had an ok time from then on..until i noticing people ignoring me, and idk if they were just afraid to talk to me since i was crying but idk, but no one would really talk to me besides joey and stephen and i think they just wanted to get some..well not stephen since hes got amanda but i mean ugh you know what i mean i think..idk..anyways so i felt left out, going in and out in and out of her house until i decided that i just wanted to go home and i wasnt having a good time, but me and sterling near the end went outside and we just TALKED like no other..i mean we really talked about everything, so i was glad i just get all out, and dont try to go over to her and ask her what i had told her because i know she wont tell you so, save your breath..anyways..so that was my sucky-lame-stupid weekend..consumed mainly of depression, something i severely have and want to get over it so horrendously bad!!..v-day is going to definately suck..
i talked to my mom about it, the v-day thing, and she understands that i know that im young and everything but i told her that when im put into the type of environment where everyone around me is in a couple, if feels almost like peer pressure to have one but that it wasnt just peer pressure but also the longing to have someone to hold, to have someone who would be there with me through thick and thin and stuff..and i know a lot of people know im a totally different girl when ive got a boyfriend, they cant even see the depression in me, cuz im such a lively upbeat person when im involved in a relationship..but..i fear that i'll never be able to get a boyfriend because im so depressed and that makes me depressed even more..it sucks..i hate being single..i honestly do, and idk if this is all pms talking or what but i dont like being single..no im not DESPRET to get a guy, ok im not that pathetic..
whatever..this month is gonna suck..all because i didnt do the "rabbit rabbit" thing on the morning of Feb.1 great...im doomed for the month..
idk what to do though yall..i know some of my friends are like, i'll find you a boyfriend amy i'll make you happy well..go ahead..try try as you might but i can tell you now that you wont be able to..and even though you can really give me any advice i sure could use some..NEW advice that is..not the lame stuff people keep tellin me over and over and over again!
i get that im only 14 years old, i get that im only a freshman in highschool, i get that i have my whole life to live and find that one true love of mine..i get it all..but have i ever acted like i was a 14 year old freshman who has her whole life to live?..no..i havent..and i dont mean to boast but im a pretty mature person for a girl of my age, i dont act like a typical 14 year old freshman in highschool, much less look it..
i just dont get it
and i want it all to end..
the whole single thing..i hate it
<3