(no subject)

[far_flung_tonic]

i dont know where to land anymore
my birthday felt like a pause to drink, nothing more
and now you have your fingers stretched
reaching for every bottle neck, every excuse to sleep un disturbed, and in all the slurred hugs and congratulations
i missed you so feverishly

is it too late? I prepare the dinner, evaluate the carpets, tend to the laundry,
late at night, while you complain of my shortgivings,
the dishes mock my porcelain bones.

but in all of this practice i have become to careful
and tidy
if you pushed me into the walls and corners we used to frequent
i would shatter
for days and days
each fingertip filled with the dust of dining sets, cheap china ground soft into my spine

i used to want
so deeply

i couldn't talk to you now if i tried
so we lie, or simply
repeat
the approved
points of interest.