(Untitled)

[lornegreen]

I was so nervous on the way back to LA, I had to pull over so Nia could take over driving. She told me i'd end up getting myself killed with all the careening across the highway I was doing. I guess I couldn't blame her. Well, she was already dead, but I didn't particularily want my guts sprayed halfway across the interstate

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[lornegreen]

Incredulous, I raised both my brows. "Y-you mean, you don't know what happened?" I asked her. "No one told you?"

Jumpin' Judas. I guess I had a lot of explaining to do. Maybe she wondered why I wasn't with everyone else in the end. Or maybe she didn't care. Either way, I guessed if even Cordy didn't know about it, maybe Angel hadn't made such a big deal about it.

"When everything went down," I explained to her, "I told Angel I wanted out. That I was done. Everyone was supposed to meet in the alley after they'd completed their task. I did mine, but chose to leave. I felt I no longer had a place in this line of work. I became very disillusioned after Fred died, and it changed me a great deal."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my copper hair. "Because I was so numb to everything after that, killing Lindsey didn't affect me as much as I thought it would," I told her. Then my eyes narrowed a bit. "Yeah. I killed him. I was packing some serious heat that night to the tune of a bigass handgun. Fired two shots into that man's chest like it was second nature. Who'da thought a guy like me'd ever end up doing something like that?" My expression changed to a thoughtful one. I pondered that last statement for a second.

"I left Los Angeles and ended up in Hollywood, where I took up co ownership of this big swanky demon bar," I went on, not skipping a beat. I motioned over my shoulder with my thumb, "That's also where I met Nia. She changed things for me, kinda brightened my outlook on things. It was her who convinced me to come back here, and made me realize my ties with you people go a lot deeper than I thought. They're not something I can sever so easily."

[parting_gifts]

Raising my brows at him, my mouth formed an 'o'. I had no clue that this all had happened. Figures. I wake up and they don't even tell me the MOST important things.

Grabbing his hand, I squeezed it.

"I'm sorry Lorne. I had no idea." I said, simply, looking at him before looking back to Nia. "Wait. You killed Lindsey? I hate to say it, but way to go. Or something like that."

Dropping his hand, I sighed, leaning back against the couch.

"I guess I have missed a lot. And no, it's kinda hard to get rid of people like us. Especially me." I shrugged, glancing down. "I'm kinda stuck in this thing for the long run."

[lornegreen]

"I guess I'm right there with you, Kitten," I told her with a sigh.

I glanced across the lobby at Nia, who was busy examining things like the weapons and whatever the heck was behind the desk. She really didn't know what she was in for, to be honest. She hadn't experienced the kinda of things that the rest of us have. I guess in a sense I feel kinda terrible dragging her into all this. The last thing I wanted was for her to get hurt. I'd never forgive myself. She was basically the best thing I had going for me at the moment. I didn't want to lose that.

I looked back up at Cordy. "Yeah, I killed Lindsey," I told her. "I'm not exactly congradulating myself over it though. Sure the guy was a yutz and the world could have lived without him, but why did I have to be the one to remove him? I don't know. Killing someone changes you. I realize that now. I feel i'm no longer the same person I used to be."

I heaved another sigh. "I haven't sung a tune in months."

[parting_gifts]

I shrugged back at him, as he glanced off at Nia. Lorne wasn't his usual Lorne-y self. And it kinda worried me. Okay, not kinda, really worried me.

"We've all changed." I insisted. "I actually think I may have made amends with Buffy. And we all know how much we strongly disliked each other back in Sunnyhell." I said, smiling.

"So you haven't sung in months. Sing now then. I haven't heard music, much less ANYTHING in a few months. I'm sure if you sing, you'll be feeling more like yourself." I said, grinning.

[lornegreen]

I stood up and walked over to the desk, idly picking up a pen and twirling it in my fingers. I gave her an apprehensive and overly reluctant look. "No, I couldn't possibly.." I told her. "It's been too long, and i've changed." I glanced over at Nia and gave her a friendly smile. I looked back at Cordy. "As you've probably noticed." I cocked my head in Nia's direction and gave her wry yet playful smirk.

I tugged at the lapels of my black blazer and leaned my elbow against the desk. "The more I am not myself these days," I told her, "The better I seem to feel. It seems like the bubbliness that once was me left my soul when those bullets left the gun. I don't think there is any turning back to that now. It's kind of refreshing to be a bit serious for once."

My expression was bleak when I looked at her.

[parting_gifts]

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Fine. Don't sing then. Jeez Lorne." I shook my head. I remember going to Caritas all the time. Okay, not all the time, but fairly often with Angel and Wes and Gunn and well, Lorne was the only one that could actually sing there. I missed that a lot.

But, now he was serious Lorne. I think everyone was changing, yet I still felt the same. I felt like good ol' pre-coma, non-evil type Cordy. Apparently, I was too. Because hi, headache-throw-Cordy-across-the-room-type visions were hitting me.

I looked back at him and sighed. Topic change.

"Let's step away from the whole changing personas topic. I have just one question for you. Seeing as you're as close to the Powers as I am. Why is it that I'm un-comafied, but I still get the throw-Cordy-across-the-room visions? I know I asked before, but I still dont' like it." I frowned. I don't remember frowning this much in .. ever.

[lornegreen]

I gave her a bleak look. "I'm not as close to the Powers as you are, Sweetheart," I told her. "They give you specific visions. All I get are moving pictures when someone mangles a tune. Bit of a difference."

I narrowed my eyes and rubbed my chin. "But that's beside the point," I went on. "I really can't say why you're going through the motions again. Although now that I think of it, the last time this happened to you it was for a specific reason, remember? All that stuff that happened to you was just the beginning of a gigantic domino effect that landed us all well... here."

I set my jaw in thought, a worried look coming over my face. "I really hope it doesn't mean the Powers are planning round two. I can only stomache the brainwashing, the memory wiping, and the lawyer killing once. I'm not doing all that again."

[parting_gifts]

Placing my head in my hands, I shook it, not even wanting to think about that 'gigantic domino effect that lead us all here.' It was really my fault, I was selfish and what not, but still.

"Well. At least you weren't evil, possessed, then mystically comatosed. Oh. If the Powers are planning round two, they already sent the vision. Told you about it. Me being slammed around and all because of a new hellmouth and the First."

Getting up and starting to pace back and forth, a thing I never, EVER did because well, it's hard to pace in heels, I had to think. So maybe there were answers somewhere.

"I need to find Willow." I said, as I paused and looked at Lorne. "If you were a witch, where would you be? Besides here, I mean."

[lornegreen]

I spread my hands in a gesture of not knowing. "Sorry Strudel," I told her, "I don't know anything about being a witch, so I wouldn't know anything about where witches like to go."

I gave her a goofy grin, "Stirring her cauldron maybe?" I offered, "Looking for newt eyes? Riding a broomstick?" Okay, I was joking and I knew witches rode roomsticks as much as Angel slept in a coffin. Hopefully Cordy knew I was kidding.

My expression changed to a serious one. "And I need to find Angel," I told her. "I just wish we knew where he was. I want to get the shame over and done with."

[parting_gifts]

I smiled back at him. A joke. Haha. Hadn't heard one of those in a while. "It wouldn't be un-Willow like." I said, a half smile on my face.

"So you find Angel, I'll find Willow, then we'll meet back here at 0500 hours. Okay? Break." I said, half serious as I looked back towards the door.

"I think I'm going to take a walk, see if I can clear my already aching head up. If Angel comes back, tell him where I went?"

[lornegreen]

"Will do, Kitten," I said to her. "I think in the meantime I'll go have a look around and see who else I can find in this place."

I motioned for Nia to come over to where I was, and smiled at Cordy. "And away we go.." I said with a nervous look.