(no subject)
I was incredibly nervous. I paced around the dressing room at the back of this club I was supposed to perform in, hoping to God my hair looked alright, having been styled without a reflection. It's a hard thing to do.
Tonight was my big break, and really I didn't want to blow it. I hadn't stepped foot on stage to sing since ... since before I was killed. And after that, the focus in my life had changed from the song I loved to the blood I craved. But this was the first step I had to take, the first step in a very long hard road of atonement. I believed within myself that even as a souless undead being, I didn't necessarily have to be evil if I chose not to be. But it was hard. I had inner demons most people can't even begin to imagine. This was my life now, it was a constant struggle to stay on the beaten path.
I really don't know what the turning point was. It's like one day I just woke up and decided I was done with it all. I was done with the killing, the maiming, and the pleasure I took from watching someone writhe in pain. I just suddenly felt bored of it. And I wanted to change.
These days I'd be sitting around, pining for the good old days when I sang and I danced, I drank and I was merry. The 30's were simpler times. I was glad I was alive to enjoy them without the veil of vampirism draped over me. And now I was glad I would be able to try to bring back the joy I once had in taking the stage.
A knock at the door of the dressing room told me I was set to go on stage. I wrung my hands together nervously, and smoothed out the front of my deep crimson strapless gown. I steadied myself, and walked out the door, preparing for my performance.
When I got backstage, I paced some more until the MC introduced me. If I could breathe, I would have taken the biggest, deepest breath and held it until I calmed. But there was nothing else I could do but just get out there and give it my all.
The crowd applauded me when I set foot on stage. My band was ready to go.
My first song was an old Anita O'Day tune. I sang it with gusto. It didn't take long for me to get back into the groove.
The crowd loved me. What a relief.
After the show, a waitress approached me.
"The boss wants to see you," she told me, an apologetic, yet scared look on her face.
Tonight was my big break, and really I didn't want to blow it. I hadn't stepped foot on stage to sing since ... since before I was killed. And after that, the focus in my life had changed from the song I loved to the blood I craved. But this was the first step I had to take, the first step in a very long hard road of atonement. I believed within myself that even as a souless undead being, I didn't necessarily have to be evil if I chose not to be. But it was hard. I had inner demons most people can't even begin to imagine. This was my life now, it was a constant struggle to stay on the beaten path.
I really don't know what the turning point was. It's like one day I just woke up and decided I was done with it all. I was done with the killing, the maiming, and the pleasure I took from watching someone writhe in pain. I just suddenly felt bored of it. And I wanted to change.
These days I'd be sitting around, pining for the good old days when I sang and I danced, I drank and I was merry. The 30's were simpler times. I was glad I was alive to enjoy them without the veil of vampirism draped over me. And now I was glad I would be able to try to bring back the joy I once had in taking the stage.
A knock at the door of the dressing room told me I was set to go on stage. I wrung my hands together nervously, and smoothed out the front of my deep crimson strapless gown. I steadied myself, and walked out the door, preparing for my performance.
When I got backstage, I paced some more until the MC introduced me. If I could breathe, I would have taken the biggest, deepest breath and held it until I calmed. But there was nothing else I could do but just get out there and give it my all.
The crowd applauded me when I set foot on stage. My band was ready to go.
My first song was an old Anita O'Day tune. I sang it with gusto. It didn't take long for me to get back into the groove.
The crowd loved me. What a relief.
After the show, a waitress approached me.
"The boss wants to see you," she told me, an apologetic, yet scared look on her face.