july and the ocean.
i'm back in the 21st century. got my internet working....
which may be a stupid thing. because i've written hard pages a lot more since i've been without this cop-out and i think it may be better for me. oh well.
life has thrown me a lot of curve balls lately. very mental and emotional ones. something very presently beautiful and amazing to me was later thrown through the mud to become regretable and far less meaningful than i wish it could still be. digits i've tried to grow to live without have become more meaningful once again (though meaning seems good it's much more stressful and exhausting than i care for). words and actions mean more than they likely should. faces come that i havent seen in years - and although they put a smile on my face the emotions close to my skin are a far cry from the true fear such faces create in my deepest being.
even recent but still far off faces force me to feel things i havent felt in a long time. including immature jealousy.
i really don't understand. just as things are getting better they seem to get slightly worse again.
maybe i'm just starting to feel again...and i should just be grateful. because i've also felt like more of a part of the earth lately. more recognized...and much less overlooked.
which may be a stupid thing. because i've written hard pages a lot more since i've been without this cop-out and i think it may be better for me. oh well.
life has thrown me a lot of curve balls lately. very mental and emotional ones. something very presently beautiful and amazing to me was later thrown through the mud to become regretable and far less meaningful than i wish it could still be. digits i've tried to grow to live without have become more meaningful once again (though meaning seems good it's much more stressful and exhausting than i care for). words and actions mean more than they likely should. faces come that i havent seen in years - and although they put a smile on my face the emotions close to my skin are a far cry from the true fear such faces create in my deepest being.
even recent but still far off faces force me to feel things i havent felt in a long time. including immature jealousy.
i really don't understand. just as things are getting better they seem to get slightly worse again.
maybe i'm just starting to feel again...and i should just be grateful. because i've also felt like more of a part of the earth lately. more recognized...and much less overlooked.