The top 5 rock albums that stupid twats deny thinking are awesome
5. Alice Cooper - Killer
Alice Cooper is often described as the Marilyn Manson of the 70s, but this is dumb for lots of reasons. Musically, Alice Cooper has always been dark but darkly humorous. Marilyn Manson just tries to be a boogeyman all the time. Insert joke about putting the "boogey" in boogeyman. What people forget is that Alice Cooper (and we're talking the band here not the person who DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST) got its start on Frank Zappa's record label, initially releasing out-there psych rock shit that's absolutely nutso considering their later classic rock output. Kind of like how Marc Bolan went from a folk visionary wizard or whatever to a dork in sparkly pants. Anyway, when listening to "Halo of Flies" it all fucking comes together, man. It's rock and roll, but it's like a god damn OPERA. It never ends, and that's a good thing. It makes a perfect marriage between the early experimental shit and the arena shock rock from later on. And songs like "Desperado" and the hilarious "Dead Babies" seal the deal. Of course most people are too embarassed to listen to this band because they were in Wayne's World. Well Wayne's World was hilarious and you're a fucking asshole.
4. Black Sabbath - Sabotage
Always ignored. Even people who get past thinking Sabbath is for nerds and maybe get their early best of collection Sold Our Soul for Rock & Roll, this album always gets ignored. Here's the secret, though, that no one wants you to hear. Yeah, Paranoid invented the sound of doom and later Masters of Reality laid the groundwork for stoner rock and even thrash with "Children of the Grave," but with riffs like those in "Hole in the Sky" and "Symptom of the Universe" you have to realize this album is FUCKED. Like megafucked, punch your dad in the face, crush up your brothers ritalin and shoot your fucking boss. This album kicks fucking ass and makes Paranoid sound like the fucking Renaissance Festival (no disrespect meant).
3. The Kinks - Muswell Hillbillies
The Kinks made a country album, and not only that they didn't do it as a novelty. They created a swampy, honkey-tonk document of total righteous paranoia about being taken away by the government and essentially just getting fucked over by your life. And it smacks more truly and more beautifully than anything the highly-cerebral Beatles ever put to tape.
2. Rainbow - Rising!
Yes Dio is singing. Yes Ritchie Blackmore went on to do Ritchie Blackmore's Night which is the gayest band to ever bang a tambourine like it was a dude and they were another dude (i.e. gay). Number one, Dio rules ass and number two yeah it's a fucking shame about Ritchie Blackmore's Night. But oh my god the drums on this album and the guitar and even the fucking ORGAN (I fucking HATE organ) rule total ass. Songs about being a wolf and fucking. Holy shit. And yeah the cover evokes images of fisting and homosexuality, thus proving how badass these guys were. Because they couldn't give a fuck, they were too busy rocking out and writing absolutely schizo symphonies of heavy righteousness that put descendents like Opeth and Otep and OshitIsuck to shame. And Dio banged your mom.
1. Kiss - Destroyer
I hear so many people talk shit about Kiss. It's disgusting. And every time one of my so-called "friends" says they hate Kiss to me, I say "you haven't heard Destroyer, have you?" Of course they haven't, and once I play them "Detroit Rock City" and "God of Thunder" and "Shout it Loud" and they really LISTEN to it instead of listening to all the shit sputtering out of their mouthbutt, they generally respond slack-jawed "that's actually fucking awesome." I know it is.
Alice Cooper is often described as the Marilyn Manson of the 70s, but this is dumb for lots of reasons. Musically, Alice Cooper has always been dark but darkly humorous. Marilyn Manson just tries to be a boogeyman all the time. Insert joke about putting the "boogey" in boogeyman. What people forget is that Alice Cooper (and we're talking the band here not the person who DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST) got its start on Frank Zappa's record label, initially releasing out-there psych rock shit that's absolutely nutso considering their later classic rock output. Kind of like how Marc Bolan went from a folk visionary wizard or whatever to a dork in sparkly pants. Anyway, when listening to "Halo of Flies" it all fucking comes together, man. It's rock and roll, but it's like a god damn OPERA. It never ends, and that's a good thing. It makes a perfect marriage between the early experimental shit and the arena shock rock from later on. And songs like "Desperado" and the hilarious "Dead Babies" seal the deal. Of course most people are too embarassed to listen to this band because they were in Wayne's World. Well Wayne's World was hilarious and you're a fucking asshole.
4. Black Sabbath - Sabotage
Always ignored. Even people who get past thinking Sabbath is for nerds and maybe get their early best of collection Sold Our Soul for Rock & Roll, this album always gets ignored. Here's the secret, though, that no one wants you to hear. Yeah, Paranoid invented the sound of doom and later Masters of Reality laid the groundwork for stoner rock and even thrash with "Children of the Grave," but with riffs like those in "Hole in the Sky" and "Symptom of the Universe" you have to realize this album is FUCKED. Like megafucked, punch your dad in the face, crush up your brothers ritalin and shoot your fucking boss. This album kicks fucking ass and makes Paranoid sound like the fucking Renaissance Festival (no disrespect meant).
3. The Kinks - Muswell Hillbillies
The Kinks made a country album, and not only that they didn't do it as a novelty. They created a swampy, honkey-tonk document of total righteous paranoia about being taken away by the government and essentially just getting fucked over by your life. And it smacks more truly and more beautifully than anything the highly-cerebral Beatles ever put to tape.
2. Rainbow - Rising!
Yes Dio is singing. Yes Ritchie Blackmore went on to do Ritchie Blackmore's Night which is the gayest band to ever bang a tambourine like it was a dude and they were another dude (i.e. gay). Number one, Dio rules ass and number two yeah it's a fucking shame about Ritchie Blackmore's Night. But oh my god the drums on this album and the guitar and even the fucking ORGAN (I fucking HATE organ) rule total ass. Songs about being a wolf and fucking. Holy shit. And yeah the cover evokes images of fisting and homosexuality, thus proving how badass these guys were. Because they couldn't give a fuck, they were too busy rocking out and writing absolutely schizo symphonies of heavy righteousness that put descendents like Opeth and Otep and OshitIsuck to shame. And Dio banged your mom.
1. Kiss - Destroyer
I hear so many people talk shit about Kiss. It's disgusting. And every time one of my so-called "friends" says they hate Kiss to me, I say "you haven't heard Destroyer, have you?" Of course they haven't, and once I play them "Detroit Rock City" and "God of Thunder" and "Shout it Loud" and they really LISTEN to it instead of listening to all the shit sputtering out of their mouthbutt, they generally respond slack-jawed "that's actually fucking awesome." I know it is.