(no subject)
Oh hey look the sun's up. I feel like talking to someone, and everyone's asleep, so I thought I'd talk to the internet. I have a lot on my mind. I'm viewed here as a dumb person who is good for a laugh, but then resented for producing good work. Or I'm the kid who stares at a piece of paper for 20 minutes in class literally blocking his eyes from seeing anyone else with his hands. Both of those, depending on the class. But that's not what troubles me.
Did you ever feel like you were living the wrong life? You must have come to a decision and made the wrong one? I don't either, I don't believe in any sort of path, but if I did I would know I needed to get back on the right one. I hardly touch the guitar anymore, even though my songs have gotten so much better. Singing is the only time I feel safe and in control. The opposite of singing is dreaming, where I'm thrown to the starving beasts in my head that are out to get me. I'm serious, my brain is trying to make my life hell. I've started to stutter, I grind my teeth until my molar sockets bleed. I keep taking pills and going to therapy, and I keep feeling like shit. But the nightmares. They're really bad.
I'm not so dark and cold-hearted, I just act it. I miss being cute in a puppy way wearing a sweater and being so unsure of myself. I'm much less appealing now.
Did you ever feel like you were living the wrong life? You must have come to a decision and made the wrong one? I don't either, I don't believe in any sort of path, but if I did I would know I needed to get back on the right one. I hardly touch the guitar anymore, even though my songs have gotten so much better. Singing is the only time I feel safe and in control. The opposite of singing is dreaming, where I'm thrown to the starving beasts in my head that are out to get me. I'm serious, my brain is trying to make my life hell. I've started to stutter, I grind my teeth until my molar sockets bleed. I keep taking pills and going to therapy, and I keep feeling like shit. But the nightmares. They're really bad.
I'm not so dark and cold-hearted, I just act it. I miss being cute in a puppy way wearing a sweater and being so unsure of myself. I'm much less appealing now.