its fun not sleeping for almost 2 days
i had quite an adventure today
round midnight of last night my friend wes shows up
evan wes and i chat for about 4 1/2 hrs
we go to jack in the box at like 5
come back to my place and eat our food
decide it would be a good idea to go to lestats
we get there round 6
after getting eye stripped by our barista dude we order chai lattes
we enjoy them for a good hour and a half
back to my place
i get showered and dressed
over to wes's
he gets clean
hit up an atm
i get my hair cut at a barbers shop for the first time
it was terrifying
it was the fastest, loudest hair cut of my life
after realizing i wasnt bald i decide my hair doesnt look too bad
back to wes's for his pants
its nine now
watch ninja turtles
call up donald, hes not about to move
decide it would be a good idea to go to tj
on our way there we see the weirdest lady
she was driving a beat up old pick up
totally tweaked out
her not the truck
just generally tripping
hitting stuff, yelling, keeps touching her face
she couldnt keep a constant speed
90, 45, 60, she was all over the freeway
after being entertained by that we arrive at the mexican border
let the bashing commence
he and i are driving around mexico in the most fucked up traffic ever
blasting some alexisonfire super loud to drown out the sound of mexico
by some act of god
i happened to time this perfectly
in between songs, that spilt-second moment of silence
i said very loudly
Fucking Dirty Ass Mexicans
many a person heard me
he and i were like
"yay, now we get to die...here...in mexico"
but alas nothing happened
we drive around for about 15mins looking for a place to park
while being at a stop light
some lady with her 8 yr old looking daughter
starts rambling in spanish to us
all i heard was
"blah blah blah molesta" pointing to her daughter
i was dumbfounded
hmm, now...i dont speak fluent spanish
but...if this word means anything in spanish like it means in english
that would mean either one of two things
1) she wants me to molest her daughter
or 2)her daughter got molested.
all i could say was
"umm....no thanks"
and we sped off
we found a spot to park finally
we identified the street by the baby dolls that were hung by their necks to phone lines
walking up the street we spyed all sorts of things
men with half of their feet, dead dogs, human feces on the sidewalk, and prostitutes, many many prostitutes
the whole time, by the way, we are being waved at by girls and talked to by strange looking people
we're starting to get a bit scared
"dude, have you seen any other americans here?"
"um...no"
we arrive at the market place
within seconds we're assaulted by a barrage of merchants try to sell their crappy mexican stuff
we came to tijuana to get brass knuckles and butterfly knives and thats just what we found
it tooks a few minutes to find someone who spoke english
he directed us to his shop of weapons
he offered some brass knuckles to me for $45
a friend of wes's said he got some for like $3
i wasnt about to get ripped off
the shop keep told me its impossible to get brass knuckles for $3
the wholesale is like $13
i got mine for $11
guess he lied...
wes didnt find a knife he wanted there so we looked around for some other shops
as we left the shop a woman who was attracting a lot of attention to herself walk past us
as she passed like every dirty old man reached out to touch her
she just laughed
she wasnt all that pretty, but in comparison to the others, she was a goddess
she mustve been my age, but thanks to living in tj it aged her like 10 years
as she passed us she stared at me very intently
giving me the up and down look
i kinda smiled but the second she was behind us i gave the "vomit till i die" gesture
wes found a nice little silver butterfly knife he bought for $20
he and i are pretty much flat broke
we start passing by all the bars
"hey man, cheap drinks, free pussy, all you want. come on in!!"
rang over and over again
"no thanks we dont have any money"
they generally would leave us alone after that
but one group of guys insisted that no matter what, we had to come in
we told them a hundred times we didnt have any money and they said it was ok
we get into the joint and its pitch black
i bump into a table and crack my knee open(not literally)
we get seated in these very high chairs
almost instantly we hear
"so what do you guys want to drink?"
"we told you we're broke"
"want to go to an atm?"
"nope"
this whole time we're with these guys
the "free pussy", all one of her, is rubbing her gross gut and saggy tits all over this old man
it was freaking nasty
"well if you guys arent going to buy a drink you have to go"
we left
as we were stepping out the door
a bunch of employees of these bars are waiting outside for us with a big stick
i think, "damn, i havnt even taken my knuckles out of the wrapper"
"hey white boys, come here"
we try to walk on past
"come here, come here"
reluctantly we turn around
"can you helps us get this down?"
they had been trying to get a tie off an overhang with the stick
wes tried for about 3 seconds until i chime in
"how did it get there in the first place?"
wes realizes this might some sort of scam and stops what hes doing
after getting sprayed with burrito by one of the guys trying to thank us for attempting, we left
walking further down the street
we see a filthy little kid
4 maybe 5
plaing a crappy little accordian
singing some song
it was pretty sad
we pass by like the 6th zebra of the day
these arent real zebras
theyre donkeys thatve been painted with black and white stripes
animal cruelty anyone?
we cross the street
particularly wary of policia
i dont want to be in jail for a month for jaywalking
we decide we've had enough fun
and start to head back to the car
as we head back we start to see all the prostitutes again
we stop for a second because wes was thirsty
he bought blue sprite
a mistake he wont make again
as we're in the store we notcie a particular whore
she was very young
no older than 16
she was kinda pretty
getting macked on by some old geezer
i swear her mom was working the same corner as her
we laughed
almost directly at them
we're travelling closer to the car
a man standing in an alley says to me
"hey man, hows it going?"
"pretty good, pretty good. just heading home."
oh yeah...you americans are on the wrong street..."
just giving me a look
wes hands me the butterly knife
he has his own knife he always carries
we find "dead baby lane"
start to head to the car and this scary ass looking dude is kinda walking toward us
he has the most wicked gross looking scar on his chest
he was carrying a mop
he walks on right passed us
we're 30ft from the car when this guy stops us, asking for weed
"fresh out man, sorry"
got any ice then?"
we get into the car and head home
wes takes the wrong exit like 4 times before figuring it out
we hide our illegal possessions very well
we wait with nothing spectacular happening for about an hour
aside from the occasional fender bender and psychotic screaming of an old man
wes and i have some from autmn to ashes sing-a-longs
i get tired and rest my right foot outside the window and my left on the dash
we approach the border
"bringing anything from mexico to america?"
"nope"
"how long were you in mexico?"
"half and hour maybe 45 mins"(we were in mexico for like 2 1/2 hrs)
"purchase anything in mexico?"
"nope"
he gets real close to the window and states
"ive been here for eight years and now and never have i..."
wes starts freaking out thinking the cop knows somethings up
"...seen a non-american rest their feet on the dash like that. its only americans. youre american right?"
"yes sir"
we show him our id and take off
a few other things happen later but nothing amazing
well...
i humped a dog
he liked to hump me so much, i wanted to see if he liked getting humped
no...no he did not
he cried like a little bitch
round midnight of last night my friend wes shows up
evan wes and i chat for about 4 1/2 hrs
we go to jack in the box at like 5
come back to my place and eat our food
decide it would be a good idea to go to lestats
we get there round 6
after getting eye stripped by our barista dude we order chai lattes
we enjoy them for a good hour and a half
back to my place
i get showered and dressed
over to wes's
he gets clean
hit up an atm
i get my hair cut at a barbers shop for the first time
it was terrifying
it was the fastest, loudest hair cut of my life
after realizing i wasnt bald i decide my hair doesnt look too bad
back to wes's for his pants
its nine now
watch ninja turtles
call up donald, hes not about to move
decide it would be a good idea to go to tj
on our way there we see the weirdest lady
she was driving a beat up old pick up
totally tweaked out
her not the truck
just generally tripping
hitting stuff, yelling, keeps touching her face
she couldnt keep a constant speed
90, 45, 60, she was all over the freeway
after being entertained by that we arrive at the mexican border
let the bashing commence
he and i are driving around mexico in the most fucked up traffic ever
blasting some alexisonfire super loud to drown out the sound of mexico
by some act of god
i happened to time this perfectly
in between songs, that spilt-second moment of silence
i said very loudly
Fucking Dirty Ass Mexicans
many a person heard me
he and i were like
"yay, now we get to die...here...in mexico"
but alas nothing happened
we drive around for about 15mins looking for a place to park
while being at a stop light
some lady with her 8 yr old looking daughter
starts rambling in spanish to us
all i heard was
"blah blah blah molesta" pointing to her daughter
i was dumbfounded
hmm, now...i dont speak fluent spanish
but...if this word means anything in spanish like it means in english
that would mean either one of two things
1) she wants me to molest her daughter
or 2)her daughter got molested.
all i could say was
"umm....no thanks"
and we sped off
we found a spot to park finally
we identified the street by the baby dolls that were hung by their necks to phone lines
walking up the street we spyed all sorts of things
men with half of their feet, dead dogs, human feces on the sidewalk, and prostitutes, many many prostitutes
the whole time, by the way, we are being waved at by girls and talked to by strange looking people
we're starting to get a bit scared
"dude, have you seen any other americans here?"
"um...no"
we arrive at the market place
within seconds we're assaulted by a barrage of merchants try to sell their crappy mexican stuff
we came to tijuana to get brass knuckles and butterfly knives and thats just what we found
it tooks a few minutes to find someone who spoke english
he directed us to his shop of weapons
he offered some brass knuckles to me for $45
a friend of wes's said he got some for like $3
i wasnt about to get ripped off
the shop keep told me its impossible to get brass knuckles for $3
the wholesale is like $13
i got mine for $11
guess he lied...
wes didnt find a knife he wanted there so we looked around for some other shops
as we left the shop a woman who was attracting a lot of attention to herself walk past us
as she passed like every dirty old man reached out to touch her
she just laughed
she wasnt all that pretty, but in comparison to the others, she was a goddess
she mustve been my age, but thanks to living in tj it aged her like 10 years
as she passed us she stared at me very intently
giving me the up and down look
i kinda smiled but the second she was behind us i gave the "vomit till i die" gesture
wes found a nice little silver butterfly knife he bought for $20
he and i are pretty much flat broke
we start passing by all the bars
"hey man, cheap drinks, free pussy, all you want. come on in!!"
rang over and over again
"no thanks we dont have any money"
they generally would leave us alone after that
but one group of guys insisted that no matter what, we had to come in
we told them a hundred times we didnt have any money and they said it was ok
we get into the joint and its pitch black
i bump into a table and crack my knee open(not literally)
we get seated in these very high chairs
almost instantly we hear
"so what do you guys want to drink?"
"we told you we're broke"
"want to go to an atm?"
"nope"
this whole time we're with these guys
the "free pussy", all one of her, is rubbing her gross gut and saggy tits all over this old man
it was freaking nasty
"well if you guys arent going to buy a drink you have to go"
we left
as we were stepping out the door
a bunch of employees of these bars are waiting outside for us with a big stick
i think, "damn, i havnt even taken my knuckles out of the wrapper"
"hey white boys, come here"
we try to walk on past
"come here, come here"
reluctantly we turn around
"can you helps us get this down?"
they had been trying to get a tie off an overhang with the stick
wes tried for about 3 seconds until i chime in
"how did it get there in the first place?"
wes realizes this might some sort of scam and stops what hes doing
after getting sprayed with burrito by one of the guys trying to thank us for attempting, we left
walking further down the street
we see a filthy little kid
4 maybe 5
plaing a crappy little accordian
singing some song
it was pretty sad
we pass by like the 6th zebra of the day
these arent real zebras
theyre donkeys thatve been painted with black and white stripes
animal cruelty anyone?
we cross the street
particularly wary of policia
i dont want to be in jail for a month for jaywalking
we decide we've had enough fun
and start to head back to the car
as we head back we start to see all the prostitutes again
we stop for a second because wes was thirsty
he bought blue sprite
a mistake he wont make again
as we're in the store we notcie a particular whore
she was very young
no older than 16
she was kinda pretty
getting macked on by some old geezer
i swear her mom was working the same corner as her
we laughed
almost directly at them
we're travelling closer to the car
a man standing in an alley says to me
"hey man, hows it going?"
"pretty good, pretty good. just heading home."
oh yeah...you americans are on the wrong street..."
just giving me a look
wes hands me the butterly knife
he has his own knife he always carries
we find "dead baby lane"
start to head to the car and this scary ass looking dude is kinda walking toward us
he has the most wicked gross looking scar on his chest
he was carrying a mop
he walks on right passed us
we're 30ft from the car when this guy stops us, asking for weed
"fresh out man, sorry"
got any ice then?"
we get into the car and head home
wes takes the wrong exit like 4 times before figuring it out
we hide our illegal possessions very well
we wait with nothing spectacular happening for about an hour
aside from the occasional fender bender and psychotic screaming of an old man
wes and i have some from autmn to ashes sing-a-longs
i get tired and rest my right foot outside the window and my left on the dash
we approach the border
"bringing anything from mexico to america?"
"nope"
"how long were you in mexico?"
"half and hour maybe 45 mins"(we were in mexico for like 2 1/2 hrs)
"purchase anything in mexico?"
"nope"
he gets real close to the window and states
"ive been here for eight years and now and never have i..."
wes starts freaking out thinking the cop knows somethings up
"...seen a non-american rest their feet on the dash like that. its only americans. youre american right?"
"yes sir"
we show him our id and take off
a few other things happen later but nothing amazing
well...
i humped a dog
he liked to hump me so much, i wanted to see if he liked getting humped
no...no he did not
he cried like a little bitch