Loving Someone You Can't Have ch 2
You just had another fight with him. Leader-sshi had come home drunk and stumbled into your room, crashing into your bed where u lay waiting for him, a book with a title that you do not know in your hand. He crawled up towards you and laid his head on your lap. He told you that she had broken up with him because of certain issues dealing with disappointment and stress. You didn’t really listen because he was too close you. You could see his tortured eyes and his beautiful face and you wanted to envelope him within your embrace so no one would ever hurt him. But you were afraid once again. You are afraid you wouldn’t be able to let ago, and he would push you away or that he would just leave like all those other nights after coming in to your room. No metter how clese you were or how messed up the boundaries had become, you didn’t want to let him know of your ugly feelings so all you could do was hug him gently and said you had to go somewhere, walking away, body slightly trembling with unspilled tears because you were angry at him for loving her and coming to you, angry at yourself for letting him, angry that he would never return your feelings, and angry that you would never tell him.
So here you are now to escape him: Super Junior’s dorm. Eeteuk greeted you with a warm and friendly smiled. The kind-hearted dimpled angel didn’t asked anything as if he already knew about your wrong and troubled emotions. He merely led you to Jongwoon’s room and said that most of the members were sleeping so you two had to keep quiet when talking.
When you entered the room, you noticed that Jongwoon hyung was half-sitting, half laying on his bed with earphones on. The room was tidy as always and only one lamp was lit. Hyung noticed your precense and motioned for you sit down on the chair of the study desk next to his desk. “Felt like escaping the chaos in your dorm?”
“Yeah I felt like dealing with 8 guys rather than 10”, you teased lightly.
“Heechul came over and it’ll be 10 guys soon because the band umma asked Shiwon to drop by too.”
You smiled and chuckled as Jongwoon hyung rambled on and on about the pain of being in a 13-member band. It was strange how such a large number of people could work together, but you knew that because it was hard to achieve that feat that they would always be inseparable. Then you wondered if you and Yunho were in a such a band, maybe the two of you would not have rubbed against each other as much and you would not have fallen deeper in love from seeing the man every single day and seconds.
“Hyung why do fangirls love fanservice so much?”
“Hmmm … I don’t’ know. Why did you bring that up?”
“Because …” You struggled to explain in a way to not reveal your secret while hyung looked at you patiently.
“Has management been pressuring you?”
“Y-yeah. Why do they like it so much when homosexuality is such a condemned thing?”
“Jae you don’t even go to church so you shouldn’t go all Shiwon on me.”’
“I know but “
You both heard a sudden loud voice that you was pretty sure belonged to Shiwon. You stood up and went out to see the commotion but not missing the exasperated sigh from Jongwoon hyung who did not even get up and remained on the bed. You came out and across the corridor was Heechul glaring at Shiwon and telling him to never speak to him again. Shiwon wore the look of a kicked-puppy. Your friend reached out for the stunning beautiful man despite his messed-up hair and wrinkled clothes, but Heechul slapped the hand away yelling for Shiwon to get his priorities straight because it was either God or him. They both realized that you were watching, and Shiwon smiled awkwardly as Heechul disappeared into one of the dorms. You saw Eeteuk coming out of the same door and telling Shiwon to decide what to do before ever talking to Heechul ever again. It suddenly dawned upon at least the couple was lucky enough to both love each other for you would gladly ignore your guilt for just one true ‘I love you’. You went back into hyung’s room.
“Ignore those two. They always have that make-up and break-up thing going on. Luckily none of us are homophobes. I hope you aren’t uncomfortable.”
You smiled. “Of course not.” Why would you be when you would even settle for a relationship like theirs with Yunho.
“Love doesn’t matter on age or gender Jae. We’ve dated several times in the past and none of them worked. Don’t you think that if you’ve finally found someone, you should grab onto that chance?”
“And have you found that kind of love hyung?”
He smiled at you sympathetically, and you realize for the first time that Ryeowook’s head was on his lap covered by a beanie and dark blanket.
“I’d like to think I have Jae, and for this kind of love you just have to be willing to wait because Yunho is even more tied to society’s chains than you.”
.
So here you are now to escape him: Super Junior’s dorm. Eeteuk greeted you with a warm and friendly smiled. The kind-hearted dimpled angel didn’t asked anything as if he already knew about your wrong and troubled emotions. He merely led you to Jongwoon’s room and said that most of the members were sleeping so you two had to keep quiet when talking.
When you entered the room, you noticed that Jongwoon hyung was half-sitting, half laying on his bed with earphones on. The room was tidy as always and only one lamp was lit. Hyung noticed your precense and motioned for you sit down on the chair of the study desk next to his desk. “Felt like escaping the chaos in your dorm?”
“Yeah I felt like dealing with 8 guys rather than 10”, you teased lightly.
“Heechul came over and it’ll be 10 guys soon because the band umma asked Shiwon to drop by too.”
You smiled and chuckled as Jongwoon hyung rambled on and on about the pain of being in a 13-member band. It was strange how such a large number of people could work together, but you knew that because it was hard to achieve that feat that they would always be inseparable. Then you wondered if you and Yunho were in a such a band, maybe the two of you would not have rubbed against each other as much and you would not have fallen deeper in love from seeing the man every single day and seconds.
“Hyung why do fangirls love fanservice so much?”
“Hmmm … I don’t’ know. Why did you bring that up?”
“Because …” You struggled to explain in a way to not reveal your secret while hyung looked at you patiently.
“Has management been pressuring you?”
“Y-yeah. Why do they like it so much when homosexuality is such a condemned thing?”
“Jae you don’t even go to church so you shouldn’t go all Shiwon on me.”’
“I know but “
You both heard a sudden loud voice that you was pretty sure belonged to Shiwon. You stood up and went out to see the commotion but not missing the exasperated sigh from Jongwoon hyung who did not even get up and remained on the bed. You came out and across the corridor was Heechul glaring at Shiwon and telling him to never speak to him again. Shiwon wore the look of a kicked-puppy. Your friend reached out for the stunning beautiful man despite his messed-up hair and wrinkled clothes, but Heechul slapped the hand away yelling for Shiwon to get his priorities straight because it was either God or him. They both realized that you were watching, and Shiwon smiled awkwardly as Heechul disappeared into one of the dorms. You saw Eeteuk coming out of the same door and telling Shiwon to decide what to do before ever talking to Heechul ever again. It suddenly dawned upon at least the couple was lucky enough to both love each other for you would gladly ignore your guilt for just one true ‘I love you’. You went back into hyung’s room.
“Ignore those two. They always have that make-up and break-up thing going on. Luckily none of us are homophobes. I hope you aren’t uncomfortable.”
You smiled. “Of course not.” Why would you be when you would even settle for a relationship like theirs with Yunho.
“Love doesn’t matter on age or gender Jae. We’ve dated several times in the past and none of them worked. Don’t you think that if you’ve finally found someone, you should grab onto that chance?”
“And have you found that kind of love hyung?”
He smiled at you sympathetically, and you realize for the first time that Ryeowook’s head was on his lap covered by a beanie and dark blanket.
“I’d like to think I have Jae, and for this kind of love you just have to be willing to wait because Yunho is even more tied to society’s chains than you.”
.